


wings above, dangers near (they're coming down)

by softgrantaire



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Raven!Neil, Slow Burn, canon-typical angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2020-08-20 23:47:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 54,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20236372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softgrantaire/pseuds/softgrantaire
Summary: Neil leaves the Nest three months before he's meant to start at Edgar Allen.Bloody and beaten, his first thought is to find a man he's been fated to play with since he was ten years old. But with secrets, history, and a goalkeeper between them, could he and Kevin ever be what they once were?Or, Kevin comes to terms with the cruelty in his past and Neil finds a new family (and they both realise the goalkeeper standing in their way isn't a barrier at all).And Wymack...well he's just sick of ex Ravens bleeding on his sofa.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A Raven!Neil fic that is packed full of Kandreil, Kevin coming to terms with past abuse, lots of personal growth, Jean/Neil/Kevin friendship, and as much softness as I can fit into a fic like this.
> 
> If any tags need to be added, please let me know!

_ Run, Abram. Run and keep running. _

A whisper from a ghost. The ghost of a woman who’d died because she had run. He knew the risks of running just as intimately as he knew the risks of staying. 

_ You will always be ours, Wesninski. Don’t let this create any false hope. _

Any hope he’d once had was beaten out of him at an early age; he knew who he was, who he belonged to. Down, down, down - black.

He was smoke and shadows. One step closer to his grave.

Red, red, red - was it his own. 

_ Just one more time. _

Inconceivable - there was no end to this. It was all simply semantics. Brutality would always be his, it did not matter which side of the knife he touched. Whether the handle was in his hands or the blade slashing through his flesh, there was no end.

He was a fork in the river, waiting for a current to decide. Left, a path forged by the blades of his father. Right, the design of a dead woman. 

Death, either way. 

_ Run, do not look back. _

He ran _ (this will not keep you safe). _ He ran and did not look back _ (one good reason). _

He fell to his knees. Concrete, hot on his palms. He was burning from the inside out; the familiar taste of blood on his tongue grounded him. 

Up, up, up - orange.

“Who the fuck are you?”

He only just had the brain capacity to see it was the very man he needed. Was it fate? No - he did not believe in fate.

He must have made it. He was here, in front of a man he’d never met and a stadium he’d never seen in person.

“Kevin.” He choked out. “I need Kevin.” 

“A lot of people think they need Kevin, kid,” Wymack said. Neil could hardly see due to the swelling around his eyes but he could hear the suspicion in his voice. It warred with curiosity for a moment, before eventually winning. Neil would be suspicious as well. A bloody teenager, who could barely walk, showing up outside a controversial team’s court and wanting to talk to Kevin Day. Hardly someone to inspire trust. The number on his cheek didn’t help, either. “That doesn’t mean you’re getting him.”

“Just tell him -” Neil had to stop and turn, not wanting to spit blood on Wymack’s shoes. “- tell him an albatross has flown from the nest.”

“You’re a Raven?” He was sharp.

“No,” Neil laughed, almost hysterical. “I told you. I’m an albatross.”

“What the fuck? An _ albatross? _Are you on drugs?”

“Maybe. It’s probably just the blood loss,” Neil laughed again. “He said no more bruises, you know.” 

“That -” Wymack gestured to his face in general. “- is not ‘no more bruises’.” 

“This is nothing, this is barely a scratch.” He paused. “I’m just gonna -” 

The last thing he remembered was his head hitting the concrete.

\- 

Andrew scoffed as he sat next to Kevin on Abby’s couch. “I am never surprised by your obsession but I am somehow always disappointed.”

Kevin ignored him, keeping his gaze on his laptop. “If we’re going to win this season, we need to know how the other teams play.” 

“Oh, yes. Because watching past USC matches when there is only a slim chance we will face them is very helpful.”

Kevin opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by the buzzing of his phone. He picked it up from the coffee table and was half worried to see that it was Wymack calling.

“Coach?” 

“Kevin Day, get your ass to mine,” Wymack growled into his phone. 

“Wait, why?”

“The only thing I know is that there’s an unconscious Raven on my couch.”

Kevin felt his heartbeat quicken. “Do you know who it is?”

“All he told me to tell you was some bullshit about an albatross leaving the nest. He was half dead when he said it, but if that means anything to you.”

Kevin inhaled deeply, the breath ripping its way through his chest. It was a silly thing he’d read once, the metaphor of an albatross. The albatross was meant to be a sign of good luck, but when killed represented a psychological burden that felt like a curse.

Their use of it had always been a bit skewed, but Nathaniel had used it as a way to remind Kevin - and Jean as well - that what Riko did to them was cruel. He’d always been better at remembering that than Kevin.

“There’s a fuck ugly three on his face, but I’ve never seen him before,” Wymack continued.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Kevin said as he rushed to put his shoes on. “Have you called Abby?”

“Yes, she’s on her way. Aren’t you all at hers right now?”

“Yeah,” Kevin confirmed. “But don’t let her touch him until I get there.”

“I don’t know how bad his wounds are, he said they were ‘just a scratch’ -” _ fucking Nathaniel _ “- but it doesn’t look good, and you’re telling me I shouldn’t let Abby touch him?”

“Coach,” Kevin pleaded. 

“Alright,” he responded. “Just hurry your stupid ass up.”

Kevin turned to Andrew as soon as he hung up. “We need to go.” 

Andrew crossed his arms across his chest. “Where are we going?” 

“There’s someone at Wymack’s that I need to see.” 

“And why should we?” Andrew asked with a tilt of his head. 

All Kevin could do was stare back. There must have been something on his face, because Andrew nodded and turned to put his own shoes on. As he passed by the kitchen, he gestured to Nicky and Aaron who were just finishing their lunch.

“Come.”

“Where?” Nicky asked, setting down his fork. 

Andrew’s grin was wide as he tossed his keys at Nicky, who barely caught them before they hit his face. “Kevin is in trouble, so we have to head to Wymack’s.” 

Without another word, he left, Kevin rushing to follow him. 

The drive over to Wymack’s felt like it lasted both whole days and mere seconds. He hadn’t seen or heard from Nathaniel since he left, not even the occasional glimpse on the court like he had with Jean. He had no way to contact him, no way to know that he was okay. If he was alive. 

He wasn’t Kevin’s partner, but he’d grown close to the other boy during their shared time at the Nest. He spent any free time - any time where Riko didn’t demand his attention - in Nathaniel and Jean’s room, small glimpses of what it was like to have friends outside his family. But then he had left them both, left them to Riko’s cruelty, and didn’t even have a fool’s hope that Nathaniel held any fondness for him. It didn’t stop Kevin from being relieved that he was at least alive.

He was running before the car had even stopped, not bothering to shut the door behind him. Andrew wouldn’t be happy about that, but behind his manic grin Andrew wasn’t happy about anything, and there were more pressing matters. Andrew could take offense when Kevin knew if Nathaniel was going to be okay. 

Wymack greeted him at the door, graciously not asking why an NCAA athlete was panting like he’d run a marathon just from climbing the stairs.

“Abby’s here, but I didn’t let her see him. He’s still unconscious.”

“Thank you,” Kevin gasped. “I don’t think he’ll want to see _me_, either, but he definitely wouldn’t want a stranger to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up. I’m amazed he even came to your apartment.”

“I found him outside the court, but he was unconscious before I could really talk to him. He didn’t have a choice.” Wymack paused. Kevin closed his eyes and tried to get his breathing under control. The look he saw on Wymack’s face when he opened his eyes was calculating. “Why wouldn’t he want to see you? He asked for you." 

“He hates me,” Kevin explained like it was obvious.

Andrew appeared behind him, shoving him out of the doorway. “Oh, we have something in common already.” 

Aaron and Nicky were close behind.

“Why are you all here? Can you go anywhere alone?”

“We are a welcoming party!” Andrew grinned. “It would be terribly impolite to not have a welcome party.”

Wymack ignored Andrew and turned back to Kevin. “Does he hate you in the same way Moreau hates you?” 

Kevin nodded. “I left him there. There’s no way he doesn’t hate me.”

“He asked for you, though.”

Kevin couldn’t even force a self deprecating laugh. “He’s a Raven, Coach.”

Wymack took that as an answer, even if he didn’t understand it.

Ravens were never alone, and they only knew each other. They’d rather be around someone they hated versus someone they didn’t know. There was never friendship at the Nest, only vague alliances that kept people alive.

He liked to think he, Nathaniel, and Jean had been different, an anomaly. Kevin’s laughs and even his small grins, though common around Riko and the press, were never authentic outside of their presence; that hadn’t changed. They knew more about him than anyone, patched each other up both mentally and physically.

Riko had been jealous that Kevin talked to anyone besides him, of course, and used violence to make sure none of them forgot who was in charge. Neil and Jean each had scars just from being friends with Kevin, and he hadn’t forgiven himself for that.

“A little birdy!” Andrew was saying when he focused on the room again. “We seem to have an infestation of runaway Ravens, Coach. Maybe we should hire an exterminator.”

“So we’re here because a Raven wanted to see Kevin,” Aaron added. He rolled his eyes. “Great.”

“Hey,” Nicky said, trying and failing to seem optimistic. “You never know, it could be okay.”

Kevin ignored them all and focused on the figure on the couch.

He looked the same. Slight build, dark red hair. Even the bruising was familiar. Kevin knew if he opened his eyes, there’d be icy blue. All he can do is stare, because he was here. _ Nathaniel. _He was alive, he was in front of him, he was out of that hell.

“Are you just going to stand there, Day?”

Kevin jumped, not even noticing that the boy on the sofa was awake.

“Nathaniel,” he choked out. He noticed Nathaniel’s flinch, though he wasn’t sure what the cause. He’d never flinched from pain before. _ “Nathaniel.” _

“Kevin.”

Suddenly it was hard to breathe, and the relief at seeing Nathaniel turned into pure panic. There was no way he was here with Riko’s permission, and Nathaniel didn’t have the same type of pull Kevin had, there was no reason he couldn’t be dragged back. 

“You shouldn’t be here - you have to - you have to go back. Does Riko know you’re gone? Oh, God. The Master would never allow this.” He was on the brink of a panic attack. “He’ll kill you, he’ll kill all of us -”

A firm hand squeezed the back of his neck, Andrew grounding him with a single touch. “Breathe, Kevin. I cannot keep my promise if you die due to lack of oxygen.”

Nathaniel looked between all of them, the look on his face indecipherable.

“They all know I’m not at the Nest,” he said after a moment. “If you’d shut up, I could tell you.” 

Andrew let go of Kevin and pushed him towards the couch. Nicky and Aaron shuffled a bit farther into the room, giving the sofa and Andrew a wide berth.

“Get that look off your face.” Nathaniel struggled to sit up, clutching his ribs. “Fear and cowardice never suited your face much, and I’m sick of seeing it.”

Kevin rushed over, reaching out but not touching. At Nathaniel’s nod he helped him sit up, placing pillows behind his back and then kneeling on the floor in front of him. There were cuts that hadn’t been closed or bandaged, and the three on his left cheek was covered in blood. Both his eyes were almost completely swollen shut. 

Kevin turned to Wymack. “The whiskey you’ve hidden away. I need that and a first aid kit.” 

“Kevin, this is not a time for you to get drunk -” Wymack started.

“It’s not for me,” Kevin corrected, eyes back on Nathaniel. “Just get it.”

“You didn’t even say please, how rude of you,” Nathaniel tried to grin. He winced and gave up. “Right, no smiling.”

“Just - shut up.” This was familiar. Nathaniel had always talked to distract himself from his pain, and that apparently hasn’t changed. “Is your nose broken?”

Nathaniel scrunched his nose and winced, but shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Right. Good. I’ve never been very good at setting broken bones.”

_ Jean - and the abnormal slope of his nose - can attest to that. _

Wymack was back, handing over a mostly full bottle of whiskey and a very well packed first aid kit. Kevin set the kit next to him and handed the bottle to Nathaniel, who downed almost half of it. 

“That was expensive whiskey,” Wymack said with a sigh.

“Alcohol was always easier to get than anesthetics,” Kevin said distractedly. “Is there anything under your clothes?”

Nathaniel nodded slightly. “Jean was otherwise occupied and couldn’t stitch me up.”

Kevin ignored the pang in his chest at Jean’s name and emptied what he needed from the first aid kit. He went about cleaning the wounds on Nathaniel’s face, which fortunately looked more superficial than anything.

“I don’t think you’ll need any stitches on your face, but Abby will need to look at the rest.”

Nathaniel hissed. “Abby?” 

“The team nurse. I’m sure you already knew that.” Kevin raised an eyebrow. Nathaniel always had information at his disposal, even if Kevin didn’t know - didn’t want to know - where he got it. There was no way he didn’t know the name of someone who travelled with the Foxes. “She’s somewhere in the apartment, but I thought you’d be more comfortable with someone you know.”

It didn’t take long for Kevin to clean the rest of the blood off Nathaniel’s face. Wymack brought a glass of water that Nathaniel glared at until Kevin took a sip of it first to prove that there wasn’t anything in it; he downed it in one go, and Wymack went to refill the glass. Eventually Kevin couldn’t put it off any longer, and had to ask Nathaniel why he was here.

“Kengo came to visit,” Nathaniel started. 

“Always a good way to start a story,” Andrew grinned from behind Kevin. “I sure do hope there is a happy ending.”

The distrust on Nathaniel’s face was blatant. He knew who Andrew was, what he was capable of, and was wary. He hadn’t gone with Kevin and Riko to recruit Andrew, but felt the brunt of the refusal. There was a scar on his side that attested to that.

_ “He wasn’t very happy with how his son was treating two of his backliners,” _ Nathaniel said. The switch to Japanese was jarring, but it was obvious he didn’t want the others to hear. _ “He was ‘worried Riko couldn’t handle the responsibility of two’ - because he’s always been so concerned with our welfare - and made Riko give one up.” _

Kevin took a moment. _ “What does that mean?” _

_ “It means Kengo decided that I, as my father’s son, was worth more to the main family than Jean was. My connections and -” _ He made quotations with his fingers. “- _ ‘abilities’ were more valuable.” _

_ “Were you allowed to leave?” _Kevin furrowed his brow.

Neil shuffled to get more comfortable. _ “Technically, no. But they didn’t stop me from leaving. They may have done if they knew where I was going.” _

_ “Then why did you come here?” _Kevin asked.

_“Where else would I go?” _He said it like it was obvious, but none of this was obvious. None of it was adding up.

There had to be something he wasn’t saying. There was no way Kengo would just let him waltz out of the Nest. _ “What aren’t you telling me?” _

_ “I told you. Kengo decided Riko was getting too obvious. You could say he was getting - out of hand.” _ He sent a very obvious glance to Kevin’s hand.

_“That’s not funny,” _Kevin replied through gritted teeth.

_ “It wasn’t meant to be.” _

_ “I’m not stupid.” _ He ignored the slight laugh at that. _ “That’s not everything."_

Nathaniel looked down. _ “I’m sorry I can’t tell you more. I’m waiting for something. But you’re safe. And they let me leave.” _

_ “You still haven’t said why PSU,” _ Kevin insisted. _ “You could play anywhere.” _

_ “This was the first place I thought of. You were the first thing I thought of.” _

Kevin inhaled sharply. _ “Why?” _

Nathaniel tried to bare his teeth but winced when it pulled his split lip. _ “I heard you need a striker sub.” _

_ “You’re a backliner.” _

Neil stared at him for a beat too long. “Glad to see you’re still stupid,” he said, speaking in English again. Andrew took a step closer to the couch. Nicky looked frantically between them and Aaron looked ready to leave. 

“What do you mean?” 

Neil rolled his eyes. “The only reason I was put where I was put was because Tetsuji didn’t want me showing Riko up. I’ve had plenty of time to work on fixing that since you’ve been gone.” 

Kevin was definitely doing an amazing impression of a fish. “You’ve been planning this.” 

“I wanted to keep my options open.” 

“While this reunion is very heartwarming,” Andrew started, tapping a finger against his wide smile. “I do not like when people keep secrets.”

“Do you trust them?” Nathaniel asked, eyes on Andrew but obviously referring to Nicky and Aaron as well.

“Yes,” Kevin replied, ignoring Andrew’s loud cooing at his response. “Coach, too.”

Nathaniel looked almost sad at that, but nodded. 

_ “It’s not safe to tell them everything. Don’t correct me if I have to lie. Remember, I haven’t even told you everything.” _

Kevin nodded. He was still reeling, at Nathaniel belonging to the main family, at him coming to the Foxes, at him thinking of Kevin before anyone else.

Nathaniel turned to the group still mostly stood by the door. “I’m sure you know about the Moriyama’s.”

“Yes,” Wymack answered for all of them.

“We know plenty about all of the daddy issues in that family,” Andrew added with a grin at Kevin’s flinch. “Now we want to know how you fit in.”

Nathaniel cleared his throat. “I belonged to the branch family -”

“Like Moreau.” It wasn’t a question. Nathaniel paused, most likely thinking over how he could answer the question without outright lying. He’d never liked lying, but he’d always been very adept at twisting his words.

It wasn’t quite the same, Kevin knew. Nathaniel’s father worked for Kengo, so he was treated like Jean by Riko but more like Kevin by Tetsuji himself. He was worth more than Jean but not as much as Kevin; he wasn’t property the way Jean was, more of a bargaining chip than someone sold to settle a debt. That had never stopped Tetsuji from turning a blind eye whenever Riko decided to use Nathaniel as a punching bag, but it usually meant that it was never as obvious as it was with Jean. ‘Never as obvious’ only meant ‘stick to the torso, it’s easier to cover up’.

“Riko treated me like he did Jean, yes.” Not quite a lie, but not quite a truth. There was a chance Andrew caught the omission, but he couldn’t prove Nathaniel was lying. “Kengo came for a visit, and Riko wasn’t expecting it. Why would he? Like you said, daddy issues. Jean and I were both - not at our best, you could say. Kengo didn’t think Riko could handle both of us, so he decided to take one of us back.”

“Why did he choose you?” Andrew was sharp, even with his meds. 

Nathaniel tried to shrug. “Maybe he flipped a coin. Maybe he doesn’t like the French. Most likely it was because I haven’t started at Edgar Allen and technically don’t have a contract.” _ Maybe, _he said. Neither a denial or confirmation. “Either way, I belong to the main family now. He let Riko get one last hit in, though. It just so happens that Riko can’t count and his idea of ‘one last hit’ is a bit different than mine.” 

“Did they say you could be here?” Wymack interjected.

“Like I said, I haven’t started at Edgar Allen yet and I technically I haven’t signed anything that says I have to play for them. Kengo knows I’m not at Edgar Allen, and he didn’t stop me from leaving. He could and would have if he was unhappy with the move. Jean is the only one who knows where I am.” For a moment Nathaniel’s mask fell and Kevin recognized the look on his face. It was the same look he saw in the mirror when he thought about who he left behind when he fled. “Riko will find out soon. 

“The main family is more careful than the branch family. They made me a deal involving my salary when I go pro, but they also know I haven’t officially decided on a school. I’m not free, but as long as I succeed, I’m alive.” His grin was his father’s, Kevin thought. “But I think you have your own idea as to why I’m here.”

“Kevin,” Andrew stated from behind Kevin. “You want Kevin to return with his tail between his legs.”

Nathaniel’s smirk didn’t have the same bite when his face was one big bruise, but Kevin could sense that the next words that came from his mouth would be biting enough to make up for it.

“No, stop talking,” Kevin interrupted before Nathaniel’s mouth got him into any more trouble. He ignored Nathaniel’s protests and turned to the door. “I believe him, Andrew.”

Andrew feigned casual, one hand in his pocket and the other resting on the back of an armchair. “You are being surprisingly firm since you got the news of your little runaway. I am confused at this new spine.” 

Kevin shook his head. “I trust Nathaniel with -” 

“Neil. I prefer Neil,” Nathaniel interrupted. At Kevin’s look, he elaborated slightly. “I refuse to be Nathaniel Wesninski any longer.” 

“Hm,” Andrew started, moving to sit on the coffee table. He was closer to Neil than Kevin would have liked, though Kevin was still a barrier in between them. “You don’t look like a Neil.” 

“Looks can be deceiving.” Neil gestured towards his face. “I have a tattoo that makes me look like Riko’s, but I’m no Raven either.”

“He’s -” Kevin interrupted their stare-down before it could get violent, not even questioning the change in name. He’d want to change his name, too, if it meant losing even a small connection to the Butcher. He took a deep breath. “I trust Neil with my life. He got me out when I broke my hand.” 

After a moment, Neil looked away from Andrew and reached for said hand, which Kevin passed over without question. With gentle fingers, he traced the scars that were obvious in their contrast to brown skin. His fingertips were gentle and he held Kevin’s wrist like it was still shattered, a tenderness that Kevin felt he didn’t deserve from Neil. He hoped his years of media training hid the way he shook at being touched this softly after so long without, but when he looked up he saw a calculating look on Andrew’s face and resigned himself for a conversation.

Later, though.

Wymack coughed and Neil released Kevin’s hand with a flinch. He tried not to miss the warmth. “I thought you said he hated you, Day.”

Neil sent Kevin a look that would have been very effective under normal circumstances, but now just looked pitiful. “Why do you think I hate you?” 

“I _ left _you.”

Neil rolled his eyes with a huff. “I know, dumbass. I helped you leave. Get over yourself, Kevin. I don’t have the energy to hate you along with everyone else.”

Kevin didn’t smile, wasn’t sure he remembered how, but he did feel some of the tension leave his body. 

“There is so much of him to hate,” Andrew nodded in faux understanding. “It takes a lot of energy.” 

“Anyway,” Wymack continued, glaring at Andrew. “What are we doing with the second broken Raven that’s showed up on my doorstep?” 

“I hear you have a striker position open.” 

Wymack looked at Neil. “You a striker?”

“He’s a backliner,” Kevin corrected. 

Neil sent Kevin a betrayed look. 

“Though,” Kevin continued, holding up his right hand before Neil could open up his mouth again. “He has the body of a striker and he’s fast. And apparently he’s been practicing. I can make him a striker.”

Wymack pinches the bridge of his nose. “When you can see and move without bleeding, I’ll take you to the court and we’ll see. I can’t make any promises.” 

“I should be fine soon, I’ve played through much worse.” 

Wymack pointed a finger at him. “Maybe at the hell that is Edgar Allen, but not on my court, you won’t.” 

Neil tilted his head for a moment, confused, before nodding.

“Right,” Nicky started. “I’m still a little confused.” 

“Oh, sorry. Hello. ” Neil waved to Nicky and Aaron. “I know who you all are, but I’m Neil. I’m meant to start at Edgar Allen in the fall. I’m a friend of Kevin’s.” 

“Kevin, I did not know you had any friends,” Andrew said with a pout. “Why didn’t you introduce us before?”

Kevin just sighed. “We grew up together. Sort of.”

There was a knock on the doorframe. “Am I allowed to come in yet?”

Abby’s voice was soft, but Neil still froze on the couch. He forced himself to relax and nodded at Kevin. 

“I’ll need to look you over, if that’s okay” Abby continued, hovering by the door. “Would you like to go into the office for a bit of privacy?” 

“He might have a concussion,” Kevin interjected. “I’ve never been very good at diagnosing that.” 

“Probably,” Neil sighed. “Exy balls are really hard.” 

Kevin closed his eyes. “He loved that game.”

“What game?” Nicky asked, not looking like he really wanted to know.

“Riko liked to practice his aim in fun different ways,” Neil explained nonchalantly. “One of his favourites was having someone run drills and aiming for various body parts.” 

“Fuck,” Wymack said lowly.

“Most likely a concussion. You’re being unusually open,” Kevin added as an explanation for his suspicions. “You’re usually more of an asshole.”

“Birds of a feather flock together,” Neil responded. He didn’t deny it, though, and reached for the newly filled glass on the coffee table. When it was empty, he struggled to stand up, using Kevin’s shoulder for balance. “Well? Are you coming or what, Day?”

Kevin couldn’t deny that some days he missed the Nest. It wasn’t a conscious thing, he didn’t mean to. Logically, he knew the abuse he received was - bad. The sixteen hour days, the inherent need to never be alone, the structure that came with that. The one track mind that was physically and emotionally beat into him, the knowledge that exy was a life and death sport, but that he couldn’t be _ too _good. 

He knew what caused him to turn to alcohol, why he can’t look at himself in the mirror without cringing, the fact that he could count the number of times he’d smiled since the past December on one hand (one broken,_ broken _hand). 

They were his family, however fucked up that was. He wanted to hate them, wanted to stand up for himself without bowing his head. He still found it difficult to. 

But looking at a shirtless Neil, he had never hated them more. 

He was covered in scars before he was even brought to the Nest, souvenirs from his father and his two years on the run with his mother, but Kevin recognized Riko’s work under all of his fresh wounds. Jean had done a good job of stitching him together - he always did - but it was obvious he didn’t have a chance to help him before he left.

Abby was used to bumps and bruises, but she couldn’t hide her shock.

“You should see the other guy,” Neil tried to joke.

“How many times do I have to tell you to shut up before you do?”

“I think you know the answer to that question, Kevin.”

Kevin’s only response was a sigh. “You’re a fucking dumbass and you’re going to get us all killed.” 

“I missed you, too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late with this one! I've been out of town oof.
> 
> But! Dan's here, everyone.

Dan furrowed her brow when she saw Coach’s name come up on her caller ID. 

“Hello?” 

“Are you back next week?” Wymack said without so much as a hello in return. 

“Hello to you, too, Coach.” Dan rolled her eyes, safe in the knowledge that he couldn’t see her. “Yeah, of course. Everyone’s back next week.”

“Do you think you could come back a day early?” There was the sound of shuffling, possibly papers on his desk. “I think I found your striker, but I want you to sign off on him before anyone gets here.” 

That piqued her interest. They needed a striker, and by now she was desperate. They had mere days to sign one, so if Wymack thought he found one she wasn’t going to question his request to come back a day earlier. “I can try. I’m not sure if I can rebook my flight.” 

Dan can almost hear him wave a dismissive hand. “I’ll cover any costs, even if I have to buy you a new ticket with my own wallet.

“Oh?” He seemed keen on this striker, if he was willing to buy her ticket himself. This was quickly looking even more promising. “Is he good?” 

“I’ve never seen him play,” Wymack admitted. Before Dan could object, he continued. “But Kevin says he’s good.” 

She was shocked into almost speechlessness. “Kevin? Kevin Day?” 

“What other Kevin do you know?” 

“I’m just -” She stumbled over her words. “Not used to Kevin being at all complimentary about anyone.”

Wymack sighed. “He’s an ex Raven,” he admitted. “Or, he would have been. He’s one of theirs, like Moreau. He technically wouldn’t have started until August, which is why no one knows him.” 

If he was a Raven, then he was good. But also dangerous, if he belonged to the Moriyama’s. 

“He’s a backliner,” Coach added after a beat of silence. 

“We don’t need a backliner,” Dan protested.

“I know.” 

With that, he hung up. Dan released the breath that she was holding slowly. This had started out promising but ended up just being another fool’s hope. Even so, she sighed once more and unlocked her phone again. She had a flight to reschedule. 

\- 

Time passed slowly on Wymack’s sofa. After a few days, the swelling had gone down enough that he was able to see, a few more and the stitches on his more shallow wounds were removed, another two and he was ready to be back on the court. 

“You are just as stupid and obsessed as Kevin is.” 

Kevin attempted to be offended at that, but Andrew wasn’t wrong. Neil hadn’t seen much of Kevin since he’d arrived, the striker most likely too busy freaking out in the quiet of Abby’s guest bedroom, but he wasn’t that disappointed. With Kevin came Andrew, and Neil wasn’t in the best state to defend himself.

“You’re not getting back on the court until all of your stitches are out, Wesninski,” Wymack yelled from the kitchen.

“This isn’t Evermore, Neil,” Kevin said before he could protest. “Coach Wymack is not the master - is not Tetsuji. If you can’t play, don’t.”

“But I can,” Neil protested. “I’m fine." 

“I’ve had enough blood on my court, I don’t need yours,” Wymack responded loudly. “Kevin will give you a tour of the campus and stadium later today, but you are not to pick up a racquet until I say.”

“Yes, sir,” Neil felt himself lower his eyes and shook his head. This was not the master. Wymack didn’t expect submission, wouldn’t hurt him for even breathing out of line. He coughed and made direct eye contact with Wymack after a moment, who looked strangely sad. “Coach. Yes, Coach.”

“I’m going to finish making breakfast, and then Kevin and the other monsters can take you to the court.”

Neil didn’t even taste his eggs, eating so quickly he barely had time to chew. Andrew rolled his eyes at him, obviously disgusted by his excitement to see the court. But it wasn’t excitement, not really. Anticipation, yes, but he couldn’t afford excitement. He didn’t even know if he was on the team, so excitement could wait. 

He could be excited when he knew if he’d die in the next month or not. 

Thankfully the ride to the stadium was short, because he was stuck between the two twins in the backseat and was finding it difficult to breathe. Nicky tried to make conversation from the driver’s seat, but eventually gave up when no one bothered to reply with more than a grunt of agreement.

They parked outside a building Neil had only seen on television and a quick look he got with two eyes so swollen he could barely see at all. 

The Foxhole Court.

It should have been garish, the disgustingly bright white with the orange detail, the pawprint on each outer wall, but it was the exact opposite of everything he’d been conditioned to fear. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he looked at a stadium and felt his pulse quicken in something that wasn’t dread. Wordlessly, he stepped forward, hands reaching for the fence that surrounded the stadium. 

"All the orange grows on you," Nicky promised, coming up behind him. Neil didn’t know how to tell him it already had. He clapped a hand to Neil's shoulder, which he barely remembered not to flinch away from. Nicky meant no harm.

Neil twisted his fingers through the metal links and used whatever hope he had left. "Let me in.”

Kevin was waiting for them, obviously impatient. He looked about two seconds away from literally tapping his foot and pointing to his watch and Neil was almost amused. 

With the same sharp jaw, dark hair, and that damn number on his cheek, the man in front of him could almost be a perfect copy of the man Neil had known. But it was obvious this was not Kevin Day, Riko Moriyama’s brother and partner on the court. This was someone else, someone Neil didn’t completely recognize. It hadn’t even been that long since they last saw each other, but even that short time had changed him.

There was a defiance in the tilt of his jaw, determination still evident in eyes that were greener than Neil remembered. Fear, though - the fear in his eyes made Neil ache. 

This was a man that had lost everything, and it was obvious in the slope of his shoulders. He still stood proud, but there was something new in his body language that Neil recognized, but had never seen on his Kevin.

He stood like Jean. A boy who learned how to brace himself for harsh words and violence at a young age, who bent and begged under Riko’s heel, but refused to break. Made meek by cruelty, but who refused to be cruel himself. Well - hopefully this Kevin refused to be cruel. 

They’d always been similar, Kevin and Jean. Now that Kevin had the platform that previously stopped him from bending and begging like Jean had - mainly Riko and the Moriyama’s favour - ripped from underneath him, that similarity was much more obvious. 

“Hurry up, Wesninski,” Kevin said firmly. Neil shook himself out of his reverie and nodded, following him to what he assumed was the team entrance. “When you sign your contract, Coach will give you the code for the door. I also asked him to make you a copy of the keys.” 

“This is our entrance," Nicky explained, ignoring Kevin. "Code changes every couple months, but Coach always lets us know when it does. Right now it's 0508. May and August, get it? Coach and Abby's birth months. You’ve met Abby, right?” 

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Nicky, you were there when they met.” 

“Oh,” Nicky said after a pause. “I guess I was. Well, whatever. There’s a bet on whether or not they’re boning, but I’m almost 100% sure they are. Come on, the code is their birthday months together. That’s not something ‘friends’ do.”

“Can we hurry up?” Kevin interrupted. Nicky waved him off but complied. 

It was disconcerting, walking into the stadium. Neil had never felt farther from Evermore; the colours, the freedom, the company. The only connection he had now was the number on his cheek and the timer over his head. 

They followed Kevin through a door marked FOXES into what seemed to be a lounge of sorts. Looking past the standard TV and seating, Neil noticed the pictures pinned to the walls. More than official photos, there were snapshots of the Foxes. Personalization was a foreign concept to him, especially in regards to a team, so looking at this - proof that the Foxes had lives outside the stadium - was jarring. 

He recognized every face, of course. Danielle Wilds, captain and offensive dealer. Matt Boyd, backliner. Seth Gordon, striker. Allison Reynolds, defensive dealer. Renee Walker, goalkeeper.

He’d seen footage and read interviews, but these pictures showed a different side to the players. Their grins and casual affection with each other was something he’d never experienced, and he wondered if he’d have that, too. 

Kevin wasn’t in the mood to let Neil sight see and rushed him down a hallway before stopping at another closed door. He took note of Wymack and Abby’s offices before standing next to Kevin. Opening the door, Kevin waved a dismissive hand around the locker room - orange, orange, orange - before closing the door again.

They walked through another door, into a room that Neil recognized from interviews and official team photos. It was where the Foxes did their press, however poor that press was. A white door was on his right, and an orange door in front of him. There were benches around the room, and Andrew collapsed on to one of them. He didn’t look particularly excited to be here.

"Welcome to the foyer," Nicky said with a dramatic flourish. "That's what we call it, anyway. By 'we' I mean whatever clever smartass preceded us. White door is the gear closet, ugly door is to the court.”

Kevin unlocked the ‘ugly door’ as Nicky had called it, and walked through. Neil followed without question, shoulders tensing in anticipation. He wasn’t a stranger to stadiums. He’d played at Evermore, for Christ’s sake, but as soon as Aaron turned the lights on all breath left Neil’s lungs.

_The Foxhole Court._

Kevin was holding the door to the court itself open, always impatient, but Neil slowed down, taking it in. He doesn’t think he’s ever ambled in his life, but he took his time meeting Kevin. 

Walking to center court, Kevin next to him, he felt paralyzed by an emotion he couldn’t place. Happiness wasn’t the best way to describe it, because it was a bittersweet emotion. Relief - all encompassing relief, coupled with a twinge of pain. He’d left all he’s ever known, to come here. 

“It’s a bit different than Evermore,” Nicky shrugged.

“Yeah,” Neil choked out after a moment. “It really is.”

Nicky began to say something else - was he always talking? - but Neil couldn’t hear him over the white noise in his ears. He was falling - maybe he was flying? It was hard to breathe. His hands clenched into fists at his sides, the sting of his nails against his palms trying to ground him but failing. 

He fell to his knees, grasping at a chest that was suddenly heaving. 

_ You can run, but you cannot hide. _

_ You cannot stop, you must run to survive. _

The lights were blinding and the walls were closing around him; what a fool he’d been, to think he could have this. To think he could leave. He had to - he had to go back, there was no other choice. 

_ No. _He squeezed his eyes closed. They couldn’t have him. He refused.

“Neil,” someone was saying. “Breathe.”

Like it was that easy. Like the glass in his lungs made it possible to breathe. He gulped in a deep breath.

“Look at me,” Kevin continued. Neil managed to meet his eyes. “Are you listening?” 

Neil nodded jerkily. 

“Forget Evermore. Forget the Ravens. Forget -” Kevin cleared his throat, the panic on his face reflecting Neil’s own. “Forget Riko. You are here. _ This _ will be the road to your success, not them.” 

Kevin’s hand covered his eyes. The sudden darkness was a shock to his system, and helped calm him down. He gulped in another breath. 

“What do you see?”

It was a strange role reversal, Kevin reassuring him. He would have laughed if he had the breath to spare. 

“Neil,” Kevin pressed when he took too long to respond.

Could it be that easy? Could he forge a path here? Could this team bring him where he needed to go?

He’d always known his life never truly belonged to him. He was a tool, no more. He’d always be a tool. He was nothing more than a blade in the hands of his father or money in the hands of the Moriyama’s. He’d never escape that. 

But - Kevin had in a way, hadn’t he? Kevin always had the fame and talent, and Neil would be jealous if he didn’t care so much about him or know what he’d actually gone through. He was beaten and manipulated for most of his life and he would never be free from the Moriyama’s, but he had choices now. He chose PSU, he chose the Foxes. He chose to play again.

Could Neil choose that too? Could he pick up a racquet and follow a path Kevin had paved?

“What do you see?” Kevin repeated.

“You,” Neil breathed. He couldn’t explain that he saw what Kevin had done, and how much he wanted it, too.

“And?” Kevin pressed. 

“A choice.” 

“Is there an answer?” 

“Yes,” Neil said. The hand moved from his eyes. 

Kevin didn’t ask what the answer was, but his stare was piercing. “I can help you. Give your game to me.” 

“Take it.” Neil didn’t even have to think. Kevin could ask for almost anything, and Neil would give it to him.

Kevin stood up, tugging an unsteady Neil with him. “As soon as your stitches are out, we’ll start. You have almost ten years to make up for if you’re going to be good.”

_ “Did anyone else find that strangely erotic?” _It was said in German, and for a moment Neil’s flight or fight kicked in. How did they know he spoke German? He’d been here a week, and he was already losing secrets. The only thing stopping him from reacting was the years of practice he had hiding his emotions. He realised the German Nicky spoke was not directed at him but Aaron, who made a disgusted noise. Neil relaxed minutely. 

_“Fucking Christ, Nicky. Can you go ten minutes without being gross?”_

“That was a touching display, but are we done?” Andrew sighed loudly from the entrance to the court.

_ ‘No,’ _Neil wanted to protest. How could Andrew want to leave? But he didn’t give them any choice, turning on his heel and leaving. 

“So, Neil,” Nicky started as they walked back to the car. “You got a girlfriend?”

“Very subtle, Nicky,” Aaron sighed.

“What? I’m curious!”

“You’re nosey,” Aaron corrected. “It doesn’t matter if he has a girlfriend.” 

“I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“No way!” For some reason Nicky looked shocked. “Cute face like yours, you have to have a girlfriend.” He raised an eyebrow. “Unless you swing my way, of course, in which case please tell me now and save me the trouble of having to figure it out.”

“I don't swing either way," Neil said. 

“Bullshit," Nicky said incredulously. “You have to swing.”

"I don't," Neil said, and annoyance put an edge in his voice. 

“Leave it, Nicky,” Kevin interjects. Neil sent him a thankful look, to which he just nodded. He knew better than anyone why Neil didn’t swing. The Nest wasn’t a place for relationships, and any time he so much as looked at a girl when he was on the run his mother immediately beat all interest out of him. It wasn’t worth it, so there’d never been anyone. 

(There was an ‘except’ somewhere, but Neil refused to entertain it. For someone who made a life out of lying, he’d always been bad at lying to himself.) 

It took another week before Kevin would let him on the court, and this time he’d have a racquet in his hand and the closest fitting practice gear they could find on his body. The knock came just as Wymack was going to sleep, but all he did was roll his eyes. 

“You better hurry up, or he’ll just get whiny.” 

A whiny Kevin was a familiar Kevin, so Neil didn’t respond with more than a nod. He went to the door, remembering to grab the keys to the apartment Wymack had lent him. He felt like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. It’d been weeks since he’d been on the court, and he was desperate to get back.

Kevin didn’t say a word when Neil opened the door, just turned around and expected Neil to follow him, which Neil did happily.

He noticed a familiar car in the parking lot and barely managed to keep his groan to himself. Of course Andrew would be here; Kevin didn’t go anywhere alone, and it seemed he had traded Riko’s presence for Andrew’s. _ At least he’s better than Riko. _

It was probably the nicest thing he’d ever thought about Andrew. 

Kevin opened the door, pausing before getting in. 

"Are you getting in or are we going back to bed?" Andrew said. “Because there’s nothing in this for me.” 

“I didn’t say you had to drive me,” Kevin grumbled. “I’m perfectly capable of driving myself.” 

“The day I let you drive my car is the day I am dead,” Andrew responded flatly. 

Kevin sighed heavily - did he really expect anything less? Even Neil already knew Andrew was difficult, why was Kevin acting like tonight would be any different? Neil got in the backseat and sat in the middle where he could see both of them. Andrew twisted the key in the ignition and drove them to the stadium.

The drive was short and silent, Neil taking note of Andrew’s behavior. 

Andrew looked tired, lacking his usual manic grin. Neil tried to discern why that was for a moment, before it hit him that Andrew probably wasn’t on his mood altering medication. It was night time, after all. He most likely went off them just before sleep. From what Neil knew about Andrew - what was on official record and information gotten from slightly less respectable sources - he was someone to avoid. He’d spent three years in juvie, and only just avoided a second term. 

He’d almost killed four men who’d been harassing his cousin - who Neil now knew as Nicky - outside a nightclub a couple years ago, Neil recalled, and instead of facing time had been ordered to take the medication and go to therapy. He had another year before they’d assess if he was stable enough to be off the meds, and getting a glimpse of what he was like without them was strange. 

Dangerous and deadly, Minyard was often blamed for Kevin’s transfer. Neil knew better, but now - seeing the dynamic of their relationship - he had a sense of why Kevin had stayed. But he wasn’t sure why Andrew was so keen on Kevin. From what Neil had seen, he didn’t have any fervor for Exy, nor particularly liked Kevin. Not knowing made him especially dangerous. 

Kevin led them through the gates and into the locker room. Andrew waited in the foyer while Kevin changed into his gear and fetched some for Neil, a bit big for his slight build but the most comfortable he’d felt in weeks. With a racquet in hand, he followed Kevin through an orange door on to the court for the second time. _ The second of many. _

He was desperate, practically shaking just being on the court. Kevin set down the bucket of balls he was carrying as well as his racquet. 

“You won’t be at your best, because you haven’t had a chance to do anything more than a run in the morning for almost two weeks,” Kevin started. “I don’t expect much of you right now.”

“Ouch,” Neil responded. “Your faith in me is as astounding as it’s always been.”

Kevin ignored him. “Start your stretches.” 

Neil complied, shaking his head. Oh, Kevin.

He was right though. Neil wouldn’t be at his best, and even though ‘not at his best’ was still better than most, nothing but his best would be sufficient. If he wanted to survive this year he needed to be worthy of the three on his face, no matter how much he detested the number itself. 

They stretched out for a minute at half-court and then each ran a few laps along the inside of the court walls. After they practiced a few bits of footwork and stretched out at half-court again, Kevin went to retrieve a stack of cones from the locker room. 

“Raven drills?” Neil asked dryly when Kevin returned. Again, Kevin ignored him and started setting up eight cones. “We really going straight into this? No other warm up drills, none of the Fox drills you want to show me?” 

“This is what you’re used to, and there’s no point in denying our drills are the best.” 

Neil sighed. “They aren’t your drills, Kevin. You are not a Raven anymore.”

Kevin winced. “Just - finish your stretches.”

Neil didn’t say that he’d been done with his stretches since Kevin went back to the locker room, but took another lap around the court as Kevin finished setting up the cones. 

This drill was far from the hardest Raven drill. This was the first of eight drills the Ravens used, and Neil had mastered it years ago. The aim was to throw the ball off the court wall and knock the cones over with the rebound. You had to be accurate, powerful, and precise. In his current state, he most likely - though not certainly - had accuracy and precision, but there was no way he had the power. He’d only missed two weeks of training, but even that would make a difference in this drill. 

“Call them,” Kevin said. 

Kevin was good, had been the best, and even though he was using his right hand you could still see that. But Neil had played with him - had played against him - when he was at his best, and it was almost heartbreaking to see him miss cones he’d been able to hit with his eyes closed less than a year ago.

Eventually, Kevin turned to Neil. “Your turn. You don’t stop until you can hit all of them and knock over at least six.”

Neil didn’t mention that Kevin had barely knocked over six himself.

Training was rough, Neil using muscles that moaned their objections every time he moved. They took turns, focusing on a single drill for over an hour, and then moving to simple passing drills. Though they’d never played together as strikers, they connected on the court. Whether that was due to their past closeness or just an innate knowledge of each other as players, it was clear they would work well together.

Exy was literally life and death for Kevin, just as it was for Neil. If Kevin couldn’t play, the Moriyama’s wouldn’t hesitate to end his life. If he couldn’t succeed, nothing could keep him alive. There was a connection in the knowledge that they both play like they have everything to lose. Neil had given his game to Kevin knowing this, and couldn’t think of any reason he’d have to regret that. 

Kevin was brutal in his concern for Neil’s life, and Neil relished in it. He’d always relished in Kevin’s attention on the court, however blunt and criticizing it was. Kevin was the best, even when he was forced under Riko’s shadow. If there was one person who could get Neil where he needed to be, it was Kevin Day, because they had to get to the same place.

“You have a long way to go,” Kevin said as soon as he called the end to practice. Neil rolled his eyes. 

“So do you, Day.”

Kevin clenched his jaw. “I know. And I’ll get there. You will, too. Wymack would be an idiot not to sign you, no matter how much improvement you have to do.”

“That was almost nice of you,” Neil said with a shadow of a grin. 

“We’ll do this every night,” Kevin confirmed. “I need you. _ We _need you.” 

The use of ‘we’ wasn’t missed by Neil, and he punched Kevin gently on the shoulder. “Hopefully you’ll have me.” 

Neil clacked their racquets together as he headed back to the locker room, leaving Kevin to clean up the balls and cones. Andrew was still on a bench in the foyer where they’d left him two hours ago, and Neil made sure to make a great deal of noise to announce his presence. 

Hope - well. Neil hadn’t thought he could ever feel hope again. He wasn’t a child, wasn’t naive, but there was a fluttering in his stomach he could only describe as hopeful. 

It was perplexing and it was new, but it was exhilarating. He found he rather liked it. 

\- 

Though it was hardly a long time away, seeing the stadium again sent a shock of excitement through Dan. She unlocked the door and punched in the keycode that Wymack had texted her just before she got on the plane this morning, and took a deep breath before walking inside. There was a chance she’d have a new player - another controversial player - by the end of the day, and she needed to prepare herself. One Raven was enough, but two...two may be _ too _much. He better be worth it.

No one was in the lounge or locker room, so she walked straight into the foyer. Wymack, Kevin, and the new kid were stood in the center of the room, and she nodded at Andrew, who was straddling one of the benches. He ignored her, which she expected. 

The first thing Dan noticed was his build. He was short and slight, but he looked perfectly at home by Kevin’s side, even with the foot height difference. She can imagine how fast he must be. He looked over when she walked into the room, straightening his shoulders. 

“Dan Wilds,” she said as she walked towards him, extending her hand. “Captain and offensive dealer.” 

“Neil,” he responded. His handshake was firm and he made direct eye contact with her. He had the same determined look in his eyes as Kevin did. “Former backliner, hopefully striker.” 

“Kevin vouched for you,” she started, pulling away. “So there has to be something there.” 

Neil managed not to roll his eyes, though it looked like it took effort. “Kevin’s way of vouching is usually just ‘could be better, vaguely passable’, so I’m not expecting you to have high hopes.” 

Kevin grumbled while Dan laughed. “You _ do _know him!” 

“Just get on the court, Neil,” Kevin sighed, looking offended but not insulted. 

Neil nodded at him, before grabbing his racquet and leaving the foyer. Kevin followed, saying something to him under his breath. Neil’s only response was an eye roll that was fonder than anything she’d ever seen directed Kevin’s way. 

She gave Coach a quick hug hello before following the other two out. They’d already made it onto the court, and as soon as the doors closed behind them - before he’d even picked up a ball - Dan knew they’d sign him. 

According to Wymack, he’d been on this court every night for a month, but he still stared at it the same way Kevin did, like this was everything to him. Like his life began and ended on the court. She couldn’t imagine he’d ever looked at Evermore like this. 

Wymack nudged her with his elbow to announce his presence at her side. “Think he’ll be good?” 

“I don’t think he’d let himself be anything but,” she said honestly. 

Dan followed them on to the court, Wymack staying behind. Kevin was already setting up cones as Neil started warming up, which Dan rolled her eyes at. “Oi, Day! I’m the captain, why are you doing drills with him?” 

“I’m setting something up while he stretches,” Kevin explained. “It’s a Raven drill, and I thought you’d want to see it.” 

Dan was speechless. Kevin had never shown any interest in teaching them Raven drills, claiming they ‘couldn’t do it, so why waste the effort’, but here he was, setting up cones.

“This is the first drill a Raven needs to complete before they can get any time on the court,” he continued to explain. “This is the first of eight drills. The goal is to rebound the ball off the court wall and knock the cones over with said rebound.”

“That sounds impossible.”

“It isn’t.” He sounded firm and offered no room for argument. “He can’t do it as fast as I could, but he should be able to knock them all down.”

“Any other tips or ideas?” While she said it jokingly, she was mostly serious. Kevin knew how Neil played and could show off his strengths.

Kevin took a moment to think. She wasn’t expecting him to actually answer, and tried to stop her jaw from dropping when he continued. “He’s fast. Drill him on his speed. He also connects well with me, if you want me to get my gear on and pass with him.”

Dan was absolutely blown away by Kevin. He was not only praising Neil, but giving advice that wasn’t just ‘do better’, as well as offering to help. What the hell had this kid done to Kevin? 

“Go get your gear on, then.” 

“He’ll tell you what to do with the cones.” And with that he left, nodding at Coach when he passed. Dan turned her wide gaze to Neil, who was just finishing his stretches. She clapped to get his attention and motioned him closer.

“I’ve been told to ask you what to do with the cones.” 

Neil nodded, reaching for his racquet. “I’ll need eight balls.” 

“Only eight?” 

His grin, the first she’d seen on him, was feral. “Only eight.” 

She had brought the whole bucket with her but obligingly gave him eight, which he placed on the floor in front of him.

She’d known the Ravens were good - as incredible as they were terrible - but seeing Neil in action reminded her of just _ how _ good. He knocked over each cone with a precision that was almost frightening, one at a time, using only the eight balls she’d provided. He picked up each cone and looked ready to do it again. His footwork and the way he threw made it obvious he’d trained as a backliner, but there was also the proof that Kevin had been teaching him. He wasn’t a perfect striker, but he could be. 

“Three,” Kevin called from behind her. She hadn’t even heard him come back on the court, too focused on Neil. She didn’t notice he had a ball in his racquet until he tossed it to the other ex Raven, who took out the third cone just as he’d asked.

“Five,” Dan called after shaking her head. With her calling numbers and Kevin throwing him balls, she watched Neil knock over all eight again. They did this another three times. 

Neil was barely breathing heavily when he finished, face flushed with exertion but otherwise calm. 

She moved on to suicides, even though she felt it was pointless. He was obviously talented enough for their line, but Kevin said he was fast and he hadn’t been exaggerating. None of the other Foxes would even touch him in a race, she knew that already. She also knew that they would sign him. 

She left the court, gesturing to Kevin as she passed. “Pass with him. I’m going to go talk to Coach.” 

Kevin nodded, picking up his racquet and facing Neil again. She barely even watched as they began to pass to each other, but she could tell that Kevin was right. They connected well.

“Well,” she said, standing next to Coach. “In my humble opinion, I’d draw up a contract.” 

“Already done.”

Dan huffed. “If you already knew you’d sign him, why’d you make me come back a day early?” 

“You’re captain. I wanted your input.” 

“They work really well together,” she remarked. And they did.

“They’ve been playing together since they were kids, even if it was in different positions,” Wymack explained. “You can tell he hasn’t played as striker before, but there’s a lot of potential.”

“I saw he had a number three on his face,” she said carefully. “Riko’s doing, I assume?”

“Yeah.” Wymack’s lip curled. 

Dan laughed a bit. “We have half of Riko’s perfect court at PSU. Wonder how he feels about that.” 

“Not too great, I’m assuming,” he replied, raising his eyebrows.

“Well,” Dan said after a pause. “You’ll have to talk to him about a new number. I have a feeling Andrew won’t want to give up three.” 

“He’s not the generous type,” Wymack agreed. “Especially considering he’s an old friend of Kevin’s.” 

Dan hissed a breath through her teeth. “Yeah, not going to happen.” 

She yelled at the two strikers to finish their passing. They jogged over, taking off their helmets as they went, setting both helmet and racquet just inside the door to the inner court. 

“Neil,” Dan started without delay. “Welcome to the Foxes.” 

Neil didn’t smile wide, but the small grin looked more genuine than the feral one she’d seen before he did the first drill. “Thank you. I know I’m not at my best, but I will get there.” 

“Unfortunately, your number has been taken,” she continued, tapping her own cheek. “I don’t think Andrew will let you have it, so you’ll have to get a different one. Any preference?”

“Anything without the number three in it,” Neil replied quickly. “Double digits, preferably.” 

Wymack tilted his head. “Few strikers prefer double digits.” 

“This -” Neil tapped his cheek much like Dan had. “This wasn’t a preference. Anything else.”

Dan didn’t have to do much thinking, there were so few players. “Ten okay?”

“Ten’s perfect.”

Maybe they’d have a chance this year after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahoo it's the big 'Ravens have moved districts' moment!
> 
> TW for this chapter include: panic attacks; discussion of past abuse (physical and emotional)
> 
> If I've forgot anything, please let me know!

Neil Wesninski. Number ten. Striker. Palmetto State University Foxes. 

Today he’d been asked to join the team, and tomorrow he’d move into the dorms. He’d done it, he’d joined this team of misfits. He was going to play with Kevin again. Neil stared at the door to Wymack’s office. Dan had gone back to the hotel she’d rented for tonight, and Andrew had - blessedly - gotten bored of Kevin talking about Exy and had gone back to Abby’s alone. This was the only time to do this. He took a deep breath and brought his hand up to knock.

_ Here goes nothing._

-

The knock on the door came five minutes after Wymack had said goodbye to Dan.

“It’s open,” he called. Neil stepped in, looking as hesitant as the first time he walked into Wymack’s office. He straightened, because Neil had stopped looking like a kicked puppy days ago. 

“There’s something I haven’t told you,” his newest recruit began. “You’ll find out soon, but the more warning, the better.” 

“I’m all ears.” 

Neil paused before he seemed to decide to just rip the band-aid off. “Edgar Allen put in a transfer request with the ERC and it’s going to be approved Monday morning. They're part of the southeastern district effective July 1st.”

Time seemed to stand still. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.” 

“How do you know?” 

Neil just pointed to the number on his face.

Wymack swore loudly. “Those rat bastards.”

“They’re the only NCAA Exy team in West Virginia,” Neil continued. “With a little money to grease the wheels, it was easy. The Ravens are coming south.”

Wymack swore loudly again. “There’s a lot of money to be made on this. There’s no way we can protest it.”

“Our teams are going to make a fortune this season,” Neil agreed. “People are going to be hounding us every step of the way and gambling on our games. There'll be TV spots and promo opportunities and any kind of publicity you can think of, good or bad. For us, it’ll be mostly bad, because that’s how these things work. Tetsuji will put it all on the table and let the Ravens destroy us on the court. Rake in the winnings, establish that Riko has always and will always be the superior player, and relegate Kevin to the has-beens.

“They’re going to pit Riko and Kevin against each other, and when the Ravens win, Tetsuji is going to ask Kevin to come back, and Kevin will listen. The Moriyama’s are everything he’s ever known, and right now he’d go back without hesitation. They wouldn’t let him play again, and then he’ll die. Exy is the only thing keeping Kevin alive. It is literally life and death.

“If we don’t beat the Ravens this season, Kevin will die.” Neil closed his eyes. “I can’t let that happen.”

“This is why you came to PSU,” Wymack said slowly. “To keep Kevin safe.”

“I told Kevin it was because you were the first team I thought of, which wasn’t a lie. I think I qualify for your recruitment process,” Neil smirked slightly. Wymack gave him that; he qualified about ten times over. “But Kevin is my oldest friend. I can’t let him die. I came here because I knew you needed a striker, and because I know I can help you win.”

Wymack leaned back in his seat. “How do you propose we do that?”

“It’s time to stop being the worst team in the nation. We need to fight back, and not just with each other. Riko owned him - he was a pet to the Moriyama’s, and Riko held the leash. He beat him, crippled him, but he’s not quite broken.” Neil’s grin was sharp. “Let’s show Riko what happens to dogs that have been abused.”

“A month ago, I would have said you were crazy.”

“What do you mean?” Neil questioned.

“When you said Kevin wasn’t broken.”

Neil scoffed. “I’ve seen broken, and Kevin Day isn’t it.”

Wymack wasn’t sure if he was referring to himself, or someone else. “I believe you.”

“He just needs help,” Neil sighed. “I can help him.”

“You already are.” It’d been a month, and Kevin already seemed different. Not miraculously so, but obvious if you knew Kevin. None of his interactions with the others had changed, but there was a clear difference in how he interacted with Neil. Even how he taught Dan a Raven drill for Neil’s sake was new. “I know how he works.”

“Besides Andrew, I think you’re the only person that does.”

“Hey, don’t forget Jean,” Neil grinned slightly.

Wymack rolled his eyes. 

“You just - have to know where he’s coming from. Not many people do.”

Wymack gave him that. He couldn’t claim knowing the inner workings of Kevin Day. “We need to tell Kevin before it’s announced, but I don’t want Andrew to know yet. That psycho would probably do something fucking stupid and get us all killed.” Wymack rested his elbows on his desk and ran a hand down his face. “He’s in the lounge. Run and grab him.”

Neil nodded and turned to comply but paused with his hand on the doorknob. He turned back around, hesitant once more.

“About Kevin - I’d like to tell you something.”

“Is this story time, then?”

Neil sent him a lopsided smirk. “If you’d like you can read me a bedtime story before I sleep tonight.”

“I’m good.”

“Kevin’s going to have a breakdown when he hears the news. I need at least one person to know why.” 

“He’s scared of the Moriyama’s.” Wymack drew his eyebrows together. “Is there any other reason?”

“It’s kind of.” He scratched his head. “Well, when you said no one knows how Kevin works.”

Wymack steepled his fingers. “Are you going to give me some insight, then?”

“If you’d like,” Neil shrugged.

“A lot of people think he’s black and white,” Wymack said, tilting his head back.

“In what way?” Neil seemed confused.

“Exy’s all that matters to him.”

Neil paused before giving Wymack a calculating look. “Do you think that?”

“Even if I did, I think what you’re about to tell me will change that.”

“Empathy, sympathy…” Neil began. “We weren’t raised on that. People like Kevin and I. They tried to beat it out of us, but it never really worked.”

“I’ve never known him to be sympathetic.”

“Kevin - Kevin’s sympathy changed,” Neil struggled to explain. “It became fear. Fear for people he cares about. Riko used that against him. He’s going to have a breakdown, but only part of it will be for himself.” Neil took a breath. “You think you know what Riko did to Kevin, but you’ve only heard it said to you by Kevin, who is still terrified of Riko.”

Wymack sighed. “I’m not sure if Kevin will ever not be terrified of Riko.” 

“Not just of Riko, though. He’s scared of - letting anyone in.”

“Is that what you wanted to tell me? That Kevin has commitment issues? Because I could have told you that. The closest thing he has to a friend is _ Minyard.” _Wymack shook his head. “That’s not normal.”

Neil gave him that, because it was true. “Not quite. I haven’t properly told you why.”

“By all means, then,” Wymack said. He knew the basics, that Riko had broken Kevin’s hand, and had inferred that he had been abused before then. But Neil was adding another layer to the story, insight to Kevin that no one had. It seemed important to Neil that someone knew this.

“Did you know,” Neil started. “Riko didn’t actually break Kevin’s hand?”

It seemed apropos of nothing, but obviously wasn’t. “What, are you telling me it actually _ was _ a skiing accident?”

Neil snorted, though Wymack couldn’t help but notice there was little humour in it. “No, it definitely wasn’t an accident. But Riko didn’t do it himself.”

Wymack had a feeling he knew where this was going, but curiosity won over his desire to stay ignorant about this particular event.

“You see,” Neil continued. He seemed to be trying to pick his words very carefully, but was struggling. “Riko was afraid someone would figure out what he did, so he filmed someone else doing it. He did that a lot. Find someone that Kevin cared about, but who couldn’t say no to Riko.”

Neil looked down at his own hands.

“It made Kevin paranoid of everyone around him. It’s part of the reason Kevin finds it difficult to make friends, you know. Everyone he cared about has been used against him. Riko threatened Jean and I if Kevin didn’t do what he wanted. Jean’s body is - covered in scars.” Neil swallowed. “Every time Kevin disobeyed Riko, he’d make Kevin watch him give Jean another one. That’s why Kevin doesn’t have scars. He never blamed us, and I like to think he knows we never blamed him, but that didn’t stop him from being scared.”

Wymack pinched the bridge of his nose. “Jesus Christ. And here I was thinking he was just an asshole who thought no one was good enough to be his friend.”

Neil let out a small, shocked laugh. “Oh, no, he's definitely an asshole.” He smiled slightly, the fond look on his face just another reason he would have been a terrible Raven. Also probably the fondest anyone has been about Kevin in a very, very long time. Wymack felt a slight surge of guilt. “He’s arrogant and stubborn and very, _ very _ hard to get to know. Also he’s a _ history major _, which. Doesn’t help. But that’s not why he hasn’t made friends here, besides his weird thing with Andrew. I think he knows Riko couldn’t use Andrew, because he knows Andrew can take care of himself, which is why he trusts him.”

“You care about him,” Wymack stated.

“Of course I do.” Neil looked offended that anyone would think he didn’t. It was the same look he wore when he found out that Kevin thought he hated him. 

“It was Moreau, wasn’t it.” Wymack didn’t frame it as a question. “Who broke Kevin’s hand.”

Neil hesitantly nodded. “He should never have been able to even use his hand again, but Jean held back. Riko was - not lenient in his punishment for that. He almost killed Jean. But it was too late. Kevin was gone.”

“Every time I learn something new about that fucker -” Wymack took a deep breath.

“I held him down,” Neil added, clenching his fists. “I held him down and let Riko break him.”

“You also got him away from there,” Wymack pointed out.

Neil didn’t respond to that.

“And either way, he can still play.”

Neil nodded.

“Now go get Day. I won’t mention what you just told me.”

He left without another nod and Wymack gave into the urge to drop his head on his desk. 

It shouldn’t surprise him. He knew what Riko was capable of. But every time he learned something knew, every time Kevin accidentally let something slip about his time there, he felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. He may have been a grumpy old man, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care about his team.

They had to succeed, they had no choice. If he owed Kayleigh one thing, it was to keep her son safe.

-

Neil knocked on the door frame before entering. Kevin started, too focused on an old UT game on the television.

“Coach wants to see you.”

“Oh, right. I think he’s giving me a ride back to Abby’s.” He stood up, stretching his arms above his head. “We move into the dorms tomorrow. You’re rooming with Matt and Gordon.”

“Yeah, Coach told me.”

Kevin hummed. “Matt’s passable, Gordon is a dick who doesn’t deserve to be starting striker. You’ve never even played striker and you’re better than him.”

Neil grinned. “Ah, I’ve missed your backhanded compliments.”

Kevin sent him a glare that Neil ignored.

“Come on then, don’t keep him waiting.” Neil gestured ahead of himself, indicating for Kevin to go first. He sent another glare as he walked past.

“You wanted to see me, Coach?” 

“Yes,” Wymack sighed. “I have to tell you something.”

Kevin crossed his arms. “And?”

“Neil just told me,” Wymack started, ignoring Kevin’s attitude. He shuffled the papers around on his desk, but to Neil it just looked like a way to keep his hands busy. “Edgar Allen has officially transferred to the southeastern district. It’s going to be approved Monday morning, and it’s effective starting July 1st.”

Neil could have heard a pin drop. “You’re lying.”

Wymack stood and walked around his desk until he was directly in front of Kevin. “Why would I lie about this?”

The sound Kevin made didn’t sound like it could come from him. It barely sounded human. It was anguished, like all the breath had been ripped from his lungs. Neil watched Kevin shatter in front of him, glass that wasn’t as bulletproof as Kevin had led people to believe splitting into thousands of pieces. It was tragic, Neil thought, the way Kevin broke so completely every time the Ravens were mentioned. A whisper of Riko, of Edgar Allen, of the Moriyama’s, and the boy Neil had leaned on for so many years was gone. 

He was shaking now, breath coming in shuddering breaths, staring wide eyed between Neil and Wymack. He didn’t seem to be aware of the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"How could you let him do this?" He directed his question to Neil. He was trying to even his voice, but he was gasping too heavily to manage. 

“What, do you think I have any say in this? That either of us could just call up Tetsuji and tell him not to?”

“I warned Andrew -” Kevin turned wide eyes toward the door, as if afraid someone would come in. Whether Riko or Andrew, or someone else entirely, Neil wasn’t sure. “I told him, I told him he’d come for me. There’s - there’s nothing I can do. I have to go back.”

Wymack grabbed him by the arms, gently shaking him. “You signed a contract with me, Day. Until I say you can go back, you can’t.”

Kevin gripped at Wymack’s shoulders, grasping at fabric like he was grasping at breaths. "He could pay off my scholarship in a heartbeat. You know he would. He'd pay you off and take me home.”

“That is not your home,” Neil said firmly. “It has never and _ will _ never be your home.”

He pulled back and began to tug at his hair. “I - I can't go back there. Neil...I can't, _ I can't, _ I won't.”

Neil grabbed the back of his neck like he’d seen Andrew do, pushing past Wymack. When Wymack dropped his hands from Kevin’s arms, Neil turned his head so they were making direct eye contact. “And you aren’t going to.”

The hand on his neck seemed to settle Kevin slightly, but he was still trembling in Neil’s hold. “But I - I have to go. I _ have _ to go.”

“The only thing you have to do right now is breathe, goddammit,” Wymack growled. “We can’t beat the Ravens if you’re dead.”

But Kevin wasn’t listening. “If I go now, maybe he'll forgive me. If I go back before he has to come hunt me down - if I make him wait he'll kill me for sure. He’ll kill all of you."

"Shut up," Wymack said. "You're not going anywhere."

"I can't tell Riko no!" Kevin cried, voice breaking. The tears that had welled up in his eyes began to stream down his cheeks, but he didn’t seem to notice.

"Then don't say a word," Wymack said. "Keep your mouth shut and let me and Andrew do the talking.”

Through his tears the look Kevin sent Wymack was almost shocked.

“Yes, Andrew,” Wymack pressed. “Or have you forgot about that psycho? God knows I wish I could. He’s probably still awake. Want me to call him? Want to tell him you're thinking about going back?”

Kevin shook his head frantically and Neil tightened his grip to make it more difficult for him to do so. “He can’t stop this. He doesn’t know what Riko is really like - I’ve never told him what he’s capable of.” He looked back down at Neil. Through his tears, his eyes were terrified but still so incredibly green. “You know what he’s like. What he can do to people.”

“I do,” Neil confirmed. He had the scars to prove it. “Which is why you’re not going to go back. I refuse to let him hurt you again.”

“Neil -”

“I'm not letting you go back there," Wymack interrupted. "Nothing says I have to. Your contract says you belong to me. He can throw as much money as he wants at us, but unless I say you can leave, it won’t mean anything. Until you break your contract, nothing they send us will mean shit. Okay?”

Kevin nodded his head shakily. 

“You let me, Neil, and Andrew worry about Riko fuck-face. You worry about getting your game and team where they need to be. You promised me that you could help us win this season, are you going back on that promise?”

"That was before," Kevin choked. "This is now."

Neil drags his hand down Kevin’s neck until it rested over his heart, which was beating erratically. “Yes, but now_ I’m _here. I will never let him touch you again. I promise.”

“How?” Kevin was desperate. “How can you promise that when you know just what he can do?”

Neil’s smile was his father’s, but he let it spread across his face. “I got more than just my name from my father, Kevin.” 

“Do I want to know what you mean by that?” Wymack sighed, rubbing at his eyes. Kevin stared down at Neil, wide eyed.

Neil shrugged one shoulder. “Plausible deniability.”

"Whatever.” Wymack turned back to Kevin. “The ERC is giving us a few weeks before they break the news. They saw how many security issues we had over your transfer, so they’re waiting until everyone's here and settled where I can keep an eye on them. You needed to know before the others, but I need you to keep it from Andrew until I announce it. Tell me you can see Andrew tonight and not completely freak out."

Kevin shook his head. “Andrew will figure it out. He's not stupid."

"Then you have to be the better liar," Neil said in a hard voice. 

“What he said,” Wymack agreed. "The ERC is looking for a reason to take Andrew away from us, and you know they won't give him back. Then where will you be?"

“If the ERC takes Andrew, Riko takes you,” Neil said. It may have been harsh, but it was the truth. “Can you do this?”

After Kevin paused for a beat too long, Neil took a step back, hand falling from Kevin’s chest. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, dialing a familiar number. He put it on speaker, holding it halfway between him and Kevin.

_ “Neil? Is everything okay?” _

Over the phone, Jean was even more soft spoken than in person. Despite the situation, Neil felt himself smile. “I’m fine,_ ma crevette. Ça va?” _

There was a sigh, as if a weight had been lifted from Jean’s chest._ “That’s good. I’m okay. Is there a reason you called?” _

“I made the team.”

_ “I knew you would.” _ Neil could hear his relief. _ “But I have a feeling that’s not why you called.” _

“I just told Kevin about the transfer.”

_ “Oh,” _ Jean breathed. _ “I’m assuming he didn’t take it well?” _

“Ask him yourself. You’re on speaker.”

Jean’s breath caught. He didn’t respond, so Neil gestured to Kevin.

“Tell Jean you’re coming back, then.”

Kevin gaped at him, confused. “What?”

“If you’re going to let Riko have you again, tell Jean that.” Neil fisted his free hand in Kevin’s t-shirt, dragging them back together until there’s only a breath between them. “Tell Jean, who risked his life for you, that you’re going back to the place where you left him to rot.”

“I - I can’t,” Kevin spluttered.

“What? Can’t tell Jean the truth?”

“No,” Kevin flinched, pushing Neil away. “I’m not going back, I can’t go back.”

Neil takes the phone off speaker and tells Jean thank you, before snapping the phone shut. “You’re right. You aren’t.”

They stood there and stared at each other for a full minute, until Kevin gave another shaky nod. Neil released his shirt and stepped back again. Wymack looked between the two of them, a look Neil didn’t recognize on his face before he nodded toward the door, probably assuming they needed a chance to discuss this properly, ex Raven to ex Raven.

As soon as the door to the lounge clicked behind them, Neil pushed Kevin to sit on the sofa, taking the seat next to him. Kevin was over six foot, but you couldn’t tell that now. He curled in on himself, still breathing heavily. There was nothing of the cocksure boy Neil had once knew. The arrogance and defiance was gone, leaving only a shell.

“You let your emotions rule you.”

Kevin laughed, but there was no humour in the sound. All fight had left him, and he seemed resigned to his fate. To death. “Yeah.”

“You still feel like you owe them something.”

Kevin’s second laugh was just as grating as his first. “Yeah.”

“Why?” Neil pressed. He could understand why Kevin would feel unsafe, but the way he looked over his shoulder was different to the way Neil did. Neil did it to survive, it was life or death. Kevin, even though his was also a life and death situation, seemed to be made of softer stuff; he relied on alcohol and a promise from Andrew for survival, and Neil could only half understand why. “They were just as cruel to you as they were to me and Jean.”

Kevin flinched and looked down at where his hands were resting in his lap. Neil had noticed he tended to run his fingers along the scars on his left, whether consciously or not. Some would see the scars as a sign of his survival, his perseverance, but Kevin undoubtedly saw it as a warning. It could have been much worse, and Kevin was aware of that. He paused for a long moment, before looking up and inhaling deeply. “Did your mom ever hurt you? Obviously your father did, but did your mom?”

Neil blinked at him. “Well. Yes. But only when I deserved it. She did it to protect me, because she loved me.”

Kevin smiled at him, but just like his laugh it held no positivity or happiness. It was a sad, small thing, and Neil felt an ache in his chest at the sight. 

“You answered your question yourself.” He paused again, letting go of his hand to touch his left cheek. “Riko was like my brother, growing up. I loved him. He hurt me. Made other people hurt me. But I loved him. I was locked in that place for so long, I thought that was normal. I couldn’t remember how my mom treated me, so there wasn’t anything I could compare it to.

“Jean’s family sold him. Your father is a monster, and Riko’s father doesn’t even acknowledge him. None of those are good examples of healthy family. But sometimes he was nice, you know? When he was younger, he was nice.”

“Was he?” Neil tilted his head. He couldn’t imagine a world where Riko was nice. He’d worn his cruel smile as long as Neil had known him, like it was carved into his face before he could even pick up an Exy racquet. 

“Like I said.” Kevin shrugged, dropping his hand into his lap again. “I can’t - couldn’t really tell you what nice was meant to feel like.” Kevin wipes a hand down his face. “Fuck. I don’t know if I can tell you that now.”

“He can’t take you back,” Neil said with a conviction he was surprised he actually felt. He pressed his own thumb over the two on Kevin’s cheek; his face was sticky from his tears. He gripped Kevin’s shoulder with his free hand, squeezing firmly. “He won’t. You’re ours.”

“How do you do it?” Kevin whispered. “How can you still be brave?”

“I have no choice,” Neil replied.

“I can’t -”

“You can,” Neil interrupted. “You made Andrew a promise. You made _ me _ a promise. You can’t go back on your word.”

“He’s going to kill me,” Kevin said. “He’s going to kill me and everyone I care about.”

“I’d like to see him try.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo i know i just posted last night but! The Foxes are here yahhhh
> 
> Also a bit of Andrew POV !
> 
> TW: slight violence/use of a slur (canon typical)

There were, Neil decided, too many choices. He flipped through the available classes and tried to remember what he enjoyed or was good at. Languages were always a good choice, and they’d make his mother proud. The more languages, the easier it was to hide.  _ Look how that worked out. _

He eventually gave up and threw the catalogue haphazardly on to the coffee table. He watched it teeter on the edge before gravity took hold, dragging it to the floor.

He shouldn’t be able to empathize with a catalogue. Then again, he shouldn’t be able to empathize with anything, after what Riko had done to him.

On the topic of empathy...he groaned to himself. Why the hell had he said that to shit about Kevin to Wymack? He hadn’t meant to rant about Kevin, hadn’t meant to blabber about his past.

He’d just - he’d only met a handful of his teammates, but even Andrew’s lot had treated Kevin like he was Exy and Exy only. Like his personality ended when he put down his racquet. He was sick of people looking at Kevin and only seeing the number on his cheek. God knows how his other teammates would treat him.

At least Andrew saw  _ something  _ in Kevin, even if it was just someone who needed to be protected. At least he was protecting him.

Andrew was - unexpected. Not in the sense that Neil wasn’t aware of his presence in Kevin’s life, but unexpected in the sense that Neil couldn’t fathom what drove him. He seemed to be driven by loyalty, but why? Or more importantly, why Kevin? Aaron and Nicky, he understood, they were his blood, but  _ Kevin?  _

Andrew was a dangerous abnormality. Neil couldn’t read him behind his manic grin, but gave Kevin the benefit of the doubt. He’d just have to keep a close eye on the goalkeeper. They had the same objective, after all. 

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. This was already starting to be messier than he expected. The Ravens were horrific, but Neil understood them. Nothing was unexpected at the Nest, everything rigid. The Foxes - they didn’t have the same code the Ravens did, which made it harder than he was hoping.

He’d meet his roommates tomorrow. Matt Boyd, backliner. Seth Gordon, striker. From his studies of the Foxes and Kevin’s harsh but concise descriptions from earlier tonight, he knew Boyd was tall and intimidating, everything a backliner should be. Everything he wasn’t. Apparently Gordon was - well. An asshole who couldn’t even get along with his own teammates.

He didn’t care about them. They were just distractions; he was not here to make ‘friends’; he was here for survival, both Kevin and his. That was all.

-

This was possibly turning out to be a problem.

Neil.

Andrew took a deep drag of his cigarette, sitting on the bottom step of Abby’s porch.

Neil, who showed up bloody and beaten a month ago and stole Kevin’s attention. He’d been different since Neil had shown up, like whenever they were together, he had a point to prove. 

Why, though? Kevin’s newfound spine had to come from somewhere.

Andrew tugged at his bottom lip with the hand not holding his cigarette. He’d only stepped outside to have a smoke, not use his limited time sober to ponder over Neil fucking Wesninski’s importance in Kevin’s life.

What was it about Neil, then? Shared experience, maybe. Like always recognized like. Mutual hatred for Riko, even if Neil’s hatred didn’t seem to be clouded by fear the way Kevin’s was. 

It’d been barely half a year since they’d last seen each other, but you couldn’t tell that by how Kevin was acting. He looked at Neil like one would look at a ghost, astonishment and a small bit of fear. Both were dangerous.

Astonishment was dangerous because Kevin might let his guard down in his shock. Fear, because Kevin couldn’t be trusted not to bow to it. He already had one Raven to be scared of, and didn’t need another.

The slight awe present was almost more dangerous; he couldn’t let Kevin delude himself into thinking Neil was safe, that he didn’t have another motive other than just playing with the Foxes. No one came to the Foxes ‘just because’. Everyone here had issues, and Andrew was determined to find out exactly what Neil’s were and how they lined up with Kevin’s.

He felt a flash of irritation. If he had Kevin’s interest, he by default had Andrew’s. Andrew didn’t like not having a choice in the matter, and wasn’t ashamed to admit he’d hold that against Neil for the rest of his time at PSU, however short that may be.

A Raven turning up randomly and needing to speak to Kevin. No matter how much Kevin seemed to trust Neil, Andrew couldn’t risk it. He stubbed out his cigarette and lit another.

Inhale. Exhale.

Neil. With impossible blue eyes and too many secrets.

Andrew chided himself for being intrigued. He wasn’t stupid enough to think it was just a pretty face that caught his eye; there were always pretty faces.

Neil who refused to kneel, who spoke to Kevin far too intimately for Andrew’s liking. Who cradled his hand like they were lovers once. If Kevin wasn’t so incredibly determined to be heterosexual, Andrew might have thought they  _ had  _ been lovers, once. But Neil didn’t swing, and Kevin was firm in his determination.

Inhale. Exhale.

He was a problem, but Andrew had yet to meet a problem he couldn’t solve. He just hoped Neil wouldn’t turn into another thing he had to protect the idiot from.

He put out his cigarette and turned to go back inside.

-

Stupidly enough, Neil’s first thought when meeting Matt Boyd was  _ ‘I hope he doesn’t put the cereal on the top shelf’. _

He was tall, had over a foot on Neil easy, made even taller by the way he styled his hair into spikes all over his head. He seemed to hold himself loosely, with zero animosity. Neil tried his best to keep his eyes on Matt’s face, ignoring the scars on his arms. He wasn’t trying to hide the track marks, wearing short sleeves and not shying away from sticking out his hand, but Neil felt it hypocritical to stare at someone else’s scars while being so adamant in hiding his.

"Matt Boyd," the man said. Neil felt the strength in his grip, and took note. "I'm a junior this year, and I'm the Foxes' starting backliner. You must be Neil."

Neil nodded and let go of his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Matt opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by a key ring hitting his cheek, only just managing to catch it before it hit the floor. Apparently Wymack had heard Matt come in from where he was in his office and thought they were taking too long in their introductions.

“Your greetings leave a lot to be desired, Coach. A simple ‘hello’ would be nice.”

"I could say the same for you,” Wymack started. “Stomping past my open door like that without so much as a by-your-leave.”

Matt let out a laugh, something that seemed to come easy to him. "Aw, but you looked busy. Wouldn’t want to interrupt that."

Wymack rolled his eyes. "I'm always busy. That's never stopped you pricks from interrupting me before."

Matt shrugged and looked around. "I don’t think I’ve been at the stadium without Kevin in six months. Where are the monsters?"

"Probably razing Fox Tower to the ground as we speak.”

“Monsters?” Neil interrupted, confused.

“Andrew’s lot,” Matt explained.

“Ah,” Neil said like he understood.

"Neil's been training with Kevin and Andrew every day,” Wymack said. “Not sure how he’s still alive.”

"Oh god," Matt said with a groan. "You're awful, Coach."

"He knows it," Abby said, stepping out of her office to greet Matt with a hug. "Welcome back, Matt. Did you have a safe drive?"

"Safe enough,” he said when he pulled back. “But I drank so much coffee I probably won't sleep for a week." Matt looked to Neil again. "Already settled?"

"Coach wouldn't let me move in without you," Neil said.

“Well, I’m here now, so I’ll drive you back to Coach’s so you grab your stuff.”

Neil pat the duffel on his shoulder. “This is it.”

Matt was speechless for a moment, looking around Neil like he was going to find more suitcases. 

“Ravens don’t have a great deal of things,” Neil explained.

“I’m sure he didn’t really get a chance to pack anything when he was running away,” Wymack said, raising a brow.

Matt winced. “Yeah, alright.”

"You get to take him shopping later this week," Wymack said. "On your time, not mine. I'm sick of seeing him in the same clothes over and over, and I’m sick of the black. Just let me know when you're going and I'll give you the pcard so we can expense it."

Neil drew his eyebrows together. "I have money."

"Good for you," Wymack said. "I thought you two were leaving."

"Didn't miss you at all," Matt said, but he sounded fond. 

Matt’s truck seemed to reflect its driver. It was huge, and looked like it could plow through a full parking lot without even getting a dent. It also was packed full.

“You have - a lot of stuff.”

"If you think this is a lot, you should see how much I had to leave behind,” Matt replied with a grin. 

Neil wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so he just nodded. 

"We're not all bad, just so you know," Matt said as he pulled out of the parking lot. "Dan told me this morning that she hated that your first impression of us was the monsters. She was pretty sure you wouldn't stick around long enough to meet the rest of us.”

"They're interesting," Neil said, choosing his words carefully.

"Interesting," Matt repeated. "That's the nicest description of them I've ever heard. Seriously, though. If they give you any trouble, just let me know. I'll kick Kevin's ass for you."

“If anyone’s kicking Kevin’s ass, it’s going to be me.”

“Oh, and he has a sense of humour as well!” Matt laughed. “You have a grudge against Kevin?”

“I’ve known Kevin for almost ten years,” Neil said, like it was an explanation. 

“My condolences,” Matt said.

“He’s an asshole,” Neil agreed after a moment. “But he’s my oldest friend.”

“Wow.” Matt looked shocked, and Neil was mildly offended on his friend’s behalf. “Kevin and ‘friend’ don’t usually go together in a sentence. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate the guy, but he’s not the easiest person to be around.”

Neil had to give him that. “You just have to get to know him.”

“No offense, but I’ll pass on that for now.”

Neil shrugged. “Just try not to fight him on the court.”

“Nah, that’s Seth’s job.”

Fox Tower was on the edge of campus, standing four stories tall. It apparently had its own computer lab and parking lot, which according to Matt was useful. Andrew’s car was the only car in the lot, but Matt bypassed all the lined spaces, instead just pulling up at the curb. It took both of them to unload the truck onto the sidewalk, but was practically child’s play to how difficult it was to get everything inside and up to the third floor. Most of the furniture wouldn’t fit in the elevator, and the stairs weren’t meant for big bits of furniture. 

Their suite was room 321. There was a kitchenette off to one side right inside the door, and a living room that was brighter than any dorm Neil had experienced. Down a short hall were the bedroom and bathroom, and Neil headed towards the former. Two beds were bunked against one wall and a third bed was raised chest-height against the other to fit shelving and dressers under it. 

Matt took a minute to get all of his furniture settled, putting together an entertainment center in record time.

“I've been requested to get Dan from her hotel, and then we’re going to get Renee from the airport," Matt said, standing up. He’d been organizing DVDs or video games, Neil couldn’t tell which. "Want to come with?"

"I need to pick up some things from the store," Neil shrugged. "Do you care which bed you sleep in?"

"I'm too tall to sleep up top," Matt said, "and Seth keeps weird hours, so you're better off in the loft. I'll be back in an hour or so, and you can hitch a ride with us to the court when the girls are settled. Allison and Seth will probably join us there."

"I'll be back by then," Neil said, so Matt left. 

He made a mental shopping list. There weren't any sheets on the bed, and he needed towels and various toiletries, as well as something that locked. He’d been carrying his duffel around with him all day, making furniture moving difficult, but he didn’t want to put it down until he had somewhere to keep it firmly out of the grasp of others.

He knew he’d have to leave it behind to go to the store, but he stuffed it into his dresser drawer. He’d have to trust that the door to the suite would be secure enough.

It didn’t take long for him to pick up what he needed (he felt strange picking out sheets and towels that weren’t black), including a small fireproof safe. He hurried home, anxious to check on his things.

At first glance it looked like nothing had been touched, but when he struggled his duffle out of the drawer he noticed something was off. He didn’t have a photographic memory, but he always made sure to take note of exactly what his things looked like before leaving them unguarded.

The strap of the duffle was on the wrong side.

He opened it, heart racing, throwing the few clothes to the side and tugging out the most important thing he owned.

The binder was his ticket, the only reason he was still alive, filled with secrets, connections, and a great deal of money. Neil felt relief in the knowledge that whoever had looked through his things - it was Andrew, of course it was Andrew - didn’t understand the Japanese most of it was written in, nor could suss out the other codes in the half hour he’d had. 

But he still would have noticed the pages and pages dedicated to Kevin and Riko, photos and magazine clippings, from the age of ten to one month ago. There was also the matter of an entire page being devoted to Andrew  _ himself,  _ but he was more angry that his things had been touched than at Andrew knowing about the clippings.

He stuffed the binder into the new safe, and stormed down the hall. He’d made sure to grab the two thin needles of his set of lock picks, because he had a feeling he’d need them.

Sure enough, the door to Andrew’s room was locked, but easy to access. He swung the door open, taking note of Nicky and Aaron slouched in matching bean bags and Andrew smoking by the window.

“Try again, Neil,” Andrew smiled, the first to react. “You're in the wrong room!"

Aaron paused the game and looked at Nicky.

_ "We locked that," _ he said in German.

_ "Last I checked," _ Nicky answered, looking confused. He switched back to English and sent Neil a grin. "Hey, sounds like Matt's back. You meet Renee yet?”

He ignored them in favour of staring between Kevin and Andrew, before facing Kevin. 

_ “Tell your dog to stay out of my things,” _ Neil spat in French.

_ “I don’t tell Andrew what to do.”  _ Kevin was on the defensive, which probably wouldn’t end well.

_ “Grow a pair and leash him, or I will.”  _ His grin was dangerously similar to his father’s. _ “And I won’t be nearly as forgiving. I have no attachment to him.”  _

_ “Don’t threaten him.” _

Neil crossed his arms.  _ “Or what, you’ll glare at me? You won’t do shit.” _

Andrew looked delighted, staring between the two of them. “This just keeps getting more and more interesting! We learn something new about your little friend every day, Kevin.”

Neil ignored him in favor of Kevin.  _ "Tell me you understand." _

_ "I ‘understand’," _ Kevin said in French,  _ "but I can’t  _ leash _ him, Neil.” _

_ “I know how scared you are about the district change, but you told me you could do this.” _

Kevin paused and swallowed. _ “I don’t know if I can.” _

_ “If you’re not careful, your watch dog will learn something he shouldn’t, and I will have no other choice but to put him down.” _

Kevin’s face was ashen. _ "What do you mean?” _

_ "Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead,"  _ Neil said.

_ “Don’t threaten him,”  _ Kevin repeated.

_ “If you aren’t going to help me, I don’t see why I have to help you.” _

Kevin glared at him but didn’t answer. Neil knew to get a response he’d need to shock him and though he hated hurting Kevin, he had no choice.

He snapped his fingers before pointing to his eyes.  _ “Listen to me, cripple.” _

Neil watched anger taking over any other emotions Kevin was feeling. Good.  _ "What did you call me?" _

_ “Right now you’re a deadbeat has-been. If you don’t want to stay that way, you need to help me. This isn’t a one way deal.” _

That got Kevin’s attention. He was out of his chair in a flash, fists clenched at his sides. Neil backed out of the room, slamming the door closed behind him. He didn’t make it down the hallway before Kevin opened the door, grabbing him by the throat and shoving him against the wall.

Neil smirked, because the grip wasn’t harsh. He was safe in the knowledge that no matter how firm Kevin was holding him he wouldn’t actually hurt him. “Now, this is familiar.”

Kevin didn’t seem to hear his comment. “Don’t you fucking call me that.”

“Don’t ignore me, then.” He didn’t bother pushing back. “Don’t let him win.”

The yells and Neil’s body colliding with the wall seemed to have alerted the other Foxes that something was wrong, and they all joined Kevin and Neil in the hallway.

“Get off him, Day,” Matt growled. He grabbed one of Kevin’s hands from around Neil’s neck, pinning it behind Kevin’s back. Kevin let go of Neil completely and used his free arm to elbow Matt in the stomach, causing him to grunt and let go.

Andrew, who until this point had been a bystander, stepped in front of Kevin before either man could get a proper hit in.

“Oh, Matthew,” Andrew grinned. “What did I say about touching my things?”

Neil groaned audibly. Day one of Fox living and he was already tired of it. At least he was far enough up the hierarchy at the Nest that no one had fucked with him. “Kevin, I’m sorry I said what I said.”

“Accepted,” Kevin nodded.

Neil nodded back to him, turning to head to his room.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dan said, stopping him in his tracks. “You’re going to let them get away with that?”

“It was my fault,” Neil admitted. Dan looked from him to Kevin to Andrew with a look of disbelief on her face. She obviously wasn’t expecting that.

“What, did you think it was my fault?” Andrew laughed and wagged his finger. “Neil's at our room, which meant he brought the fight to us. Dan, your bias is cruel and unprofessional.”

“Just - no matter whose fault it is, the fighting ends now. We can’t win if we’re too busy fighting each other.”

“Oh, are we planning on winning?” Andrew leaned around Kevin to wave at the girl that had followed Dan down the hallway, who Neil recognised as Renee Walker, PSU’s other goalkeeper. “Hello, Renee, how was the flight?”

“It was nice, the skies were mostly clear,” Renee said. She didn’t look dangerous, cross necklace and soft voice, but Neil had a page in his binder that proved just how dangerous she could be. She had a past filled with violence, and even with the whole ‘born again’ thing, Neil couldn’t afford to let his guard down around her. She could kill him easily, and while he respected her for that, it was still in his best interests to be wary of her. 

He accidentally made eye contact with a grinning Andrew, who merely brought two of his fingers up to his temple in a mock salute.

"You’re driving to the stadium with us,” Andrew said, ignoring the protests from the Dan. “See you soon. Don't run off, okay?"

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

He headed back into his room, Aaron and Nicky following. Kevin stayed behind, glaring at the upperclassmen in a clear dismissal. Matt sighed loudly and ushered Dan back into her room, Renee sending a small smile to Neil before she followed.

“I  _ am  _ sorry I said that,” Neil said after a beat of silence.

“Sorry I don’t have a leash for Andrew.”

Neil felt a laugh escape him. “Get him a collar with a bell.”

Kevin smiled. Neil couldn’t help but notice it was the first proper smile he’d seen on Kevin’s face in almost a year. “Then we’d be able to hear him coming.”

“I’ll try not to kill him.”

Kevin sighed. “See that you don’t. We can’t finish the season without him.”

“Is that your only protest?” Neil raised his eyebrows.

Kevin sent him a glare. “We’re leaving in fifteen. Don’t be late.”

-

Andrew leaned against the trunk of his car, debating whether or not it was worth lighting a cigarette. He was still trying to wrap his head around what had happened earlier; what had Neil said that made Kevin lash out, to try and harm his oldest (and only) friend? 

He didn’t have long to think, though, because he caught sight of Neil leaving the Tower. No cigarette, then.

"You waited for us," Andrew grinned, spreading his arms wide. "A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you."

Aaron rolled his eyes at Andrew’s dramatics and got in first. Andrew pushed Neil in next, and took his spot sprawled against Neil. He ignored the part of him that noticed how solid Neil felt under him, and brought a hand to his heart. "After everything we've done for you, you have to start a fight. For shame, Neil."

Neil stiffened. “I wouldn’t have to fight if you’d stay out of my things."

"How do you know it was me, anyway?” Andrew tapped on his lips as if in thought. “Maybe it was Matt. Innocent until proven guilty fails on an Exy court."

"I haven't heard you deny it yet,” Neil pointed out.

Andrew waved a dismissive hand. "You wouldn't believe me anyway."

"I don't believe anything you say."

He straightened, turning his body towards Neil. He leant in and hooked a finger in the collar of Neil’s shirt, pulling him down slightly. "Believe this, Neil: you can't put a leash on me. Don't think you can, okay? And don't be stupid enough to tell other people to do it. It's not safe. You'll make me want to break you."

“You?" Neil said with a scoff. "You can't. People stronger than you have tried and failed."

Andrew's smile grew until it was so wide his gums were on display. "Oh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?"

"Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do."

"I know for sure she never did," Andrew said. "Well, she had to take offense to the dying part, but I thought that was rather fun. But you're right." He tilted his head. Neil was a puzzle, and it was about time Andrew put the pieces together. "I do as I please. Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday."

He let go of Neil. 

"We'll take you out to dinner," Nicky said over his shoulder. Kevin was staring out the window, probably thinking about Exy. "We used to live in Columbia, so we know all the best spots. Even better, we've got a free place to crash so we don't have to worry about driving back drunk or exhausted. It'll be a blast."

"I don't drink or dance," Neil said, because of course he didn’t drink or dance.

"That's all right," Andrew said, waving his hand dismissively again. "Kevin doesn't dance anymore and I never do. You can drink soda and talk to us while the others make fools of themselves. We can't get through this year with this little misunderstanding between us, so we'll take a night off and fix it."

"If I go, promise me you'll never touch anything of mine ever again."

"So possessive," Andrew sighed.

"You have no room to talk about possessiveness, Minyard," Neil said, sending a meaningful glance around the car.

Andrew pretended to think it over for a moment. "Okay. One night with us, and no more break ins. Friday night will be fun."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Columbia shenanigans!
> 
> TW for drug use (voluntary and involuntary), alcohol abuse, mentions of assault, assault, violence, and all that Columbia goodness!

They reached the stadium before anyone else, Nicky’s driving reckless but effective. 

When the others joined them on the sidewalk, Andrew gestured at Neil with a grin. "Look, one piece."

"Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked, more serious than Neil thought the conversation called for.

"Nowhere vital," Neil said. “They even let me use my seatbelt.” 

Renee seemed to notice Matt and Dan getting ready to argue and interrupted them. "Why don't we wait inside for Seth and Allison? We've got a while and it's a little warm out here." 

"Maybe they'll get in a crash and won't make it," Nicky said hopefully.

"Really, Nicky," Renee said. "That's a little inappropriate, don't you think?"

Neil rubbed a hand over his mouth to hide his slight smile. Renee was ruthless, it seemed. He didn’t trust her, but watching Nicky recoil at the gentle smile on her face _ was _satisfying. She had the ‘I’m not mad, I’m disappointed’ look down pat.

"Let's go," Dan said, and led the way into the locker room. 

Abby and Wymack were stood by the entertainment center, but looked up when the Foxes walked in. Abby smiled widely. 

“Welcome back, everyone,” she said. 

“Half of us never really left,” Nicky said as Andrew’s lot claimed a sofa. Renee gave Abby a hug before sitting next to Matt on the other sofa. Dan joined them, and Neil took an armchair that was facing the door.

Looking around the room, it was obvious there was a divide within the Foxes: Dan’s lot vs Andrew’s lot. He wasn’t sure how the last two arrivals would fit in, but it was hard to fathom such a divide, what with the Raven’s - frankly ridiculous - synchrony. Neil wondered at how he’d fit in, as well. He had no desire to be Andrew’s, but with Kevin seemed to come Andrew and his family, so there was a possibility he’d have no choice. Hopefully this weekend - however terrible it was going to be - would give him more insight. 

There was almost twenty minutes of waiting before the remaining two players arrived. 

Neil recognized the chip in Seth Gordon’s shoulder before he’d even properly stepped into the room. It was childish, Neil thought, his animosity towards his teammates. He glared at the room, seeming to focus on Andrew’s lot - understandable - and Neil, before throwing himself into one of the remaining armchairs. 

Behind him was Allison Reynolds, who was another thing entirely. She scowled at Seth - also understandable - but otherwise ignored him. Reynolds should have been an heiress, and she looked it. Apparently she had lost her inheritance when she chose Exy and public schools over her family’s billion dollar luxury resort business, but you couldn’t tell that by looking at her. 

Platinum curls, tight dress, shoes that Neil could probably use to kill a man, she looked more ready for a photoshoot than a quick meeting with her college sports team. 

"Nice to see you two, too," Wymack said, rolling his eyes. “Always a pleasure.” 

Allison ignored him and turned to Abby. "You survived the summer." 

"By the grace of God," Abby said. "It’s never boring, at least." 

Allison looked around the room, glare sharpening when she saw Andrew’s lot, before her eyes landed on Neil. 

"I'm going to sit with you," she said, walking towards him. Her dress rode up when she placed herself on the arm of his chair, and Neil did his best not to stare at the stretch of bare leg it revealed. She was toned, and he could respect that, but it wasn’t worth it. Not only was it obvious why she sat by him with the glare she sent Seth as she wrapped her arm around Neil’s shoulder, but any attraction he’d had growing up was beaten out of him by his mother, and then by Riko after her death. Relationships weren’t allowed in the Nest, a distraction, and he’d never found the appeal of the casual sex the Ravens used to relieve tension. It wasn’t worth it. 

(His mother would be horrified by his inability to lie to himself.) 

"I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said.

"No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. Allison looked back at Wymack and flicked her fingers in an impatient gesture. "This will be quick, won't it? It was a long flight and I'm exhausted."

"You're the ones slowing this down," Wymack said, and stabbed a finger at Neil. "First order of business: Neil Wesninski, our new striker sub. Got anything to say, Neil?" 

When Neil shook his head, Wymack jerked a thumb between Allison and Seth. "You already met everyone else. Here's the last of them: Seth Gordon, starting striker, and Allison Reynolds, our defensive dealer. Questions, comments, concerns? Anyone?” 

Seth pointed at Neil and said angrily, "I'm fucking concerned—" 

Neil guessed Wymack had heard this argument before, because he spoke over Seth like he didn't hear him. "All right, then. Moving on.” 

Andrew raised his hand. “Coach, I’m afraid I have a question, comment, and concern.” 

“What the hell do you want, Minyard?” 

“Well,” Andrew said cheerfully. “I have a feeling _ someone _won’t be happy with our newest acquisition.” 

Wymack sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I hate to say this, but Andrew’s right. With Neil being what he was, it has the potential to get ugly."

"So why the fuck did we take him on?” 

“He’s a better striker than you, Gordon,” Kevin said sharply; Neil was flattered. 

“Enough,” Wymack said before they continued. “Fight on your own time.” 

“Do you think it’ll be worse than last year?” Dan questioned. “Because that was bad enough.”

Matt counted off on his fingers. "The break-ins, threatening phone calls, rabid press, vandalism…"

"Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan added, pursing her lips like she’d just eaten a lemon. "Police raids are awesome."

"The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said with fake enthusiasm. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth."

"Fuck you, faggot," Seth snarled.

"I don't like that word," Andrew said, grinning into the sudden silence. "Don't use it." 

"I would say 'fuck you, freak', but then you wouldn't know which one of you I was talking to." 

"Or you could just...not talk to us at all," Aaron said. "You never have anything useful to say." 

Neil rolled his eyes at Seth’s childishness. This was hardly the time and place for this. 

"Enough," Wymack said before the fighting could escalate. "We don't have time for petty bullshit this year. Is that clear?” 

“Yes, Coach,” the Foxes grumbled in unison. 

“Abby?" Abby opened the file she and Wymack had been looking through when they came in, which in the end just turned out to be forms. She handed them out, giving Andrew’s to Kevin. "Same boring forms as always. Sign your name on the appropriate lines and give these back to me first thing tomorrow. You can't practice until I have these on file. Summer practices start at 8:30. Enjoy sleeping in while you can, because we're moving to 6:00 when the semester starts. We're meeting at the gym. I repeat, we're meeting at the gym. If you're late because you came here instead of there I will put my shoe through your face. You've only been gone for a month. I know you all know how this works." 

"Yes, Coach," the team chorused again.

"Physicals get done before you leave today. Andrew, you're first. Seth, you're going second. The rest of you draw straws or something. It's up to you.” 

“I already did Neil’s,” Abby added. Neil furrowed his brow in confusion. 

“When did you do my physical?” 

“About two weeks ago when I was removing stitches from your side.”

“Ah,” Neil said with a grimace. “Makes sense.”

He turned to leave, nodding at Wymack.

“Wait, Neil.” It was Renee, getting his attention but careful not to touch him. He turned back to her, raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t have a chance to introduce myself. I’m Renee.” 

Her handshake was firm. “Nice to meet you.” 

“Sorry about the display back there, we don’t always fight.” 

He gestured to her cross necklace. “Isn’t lying a sin?” 

She laughed slightly. “It’s not a lie.” 

“What, because sometimes you sleep?” 

“We’re not _ that _bad.” 

“I’m sure if Seth and Kevin could fight in their sleep, they would.” He paused, remembering the way Andrew greeted Renee. He debated with himself, because he really didn’t trust Renee - didn’t really trust any of the Foxes - but he was too curious. “You’re friends with Andrew, correct?”

“I like to think so.” 

"Why does Kevin trust Andrew?" 

Renee blinked at the question, before a smile spread across her face. "Because he knows he can." 

"I’ve known Kevin for years, and I don’t mean to talk about him behind his back, but I don’t understand. I’ve never seen him like this. With so much at stake," Neil pressed. "With so much at stake, does he honestly think Andrew is enough?" 

Before she answered, something over his shoulder caught her eye. 

“You could always ask, Neil,” Andrew drawled from behind him. Neil closed his eyes, before turning to face him. 

“I was asking. I’m asking Renee.”

Andrew tapped his nose with his index finger. “If I were you I’d watch your smart mouth.” 

Neil tapped his nose in return. “Ah, but you aren’t me.”

Andrew hummed, looking Neil up and down. He seemed to debate with himself, before sighing loudly. “Kevin’s an idiot, and a coward, but he’s not stupid. He knows he can’t face Riko by himself.” 

“So why you? Do you think you can take him?”

“I think it’d be in his best interest not to test me.”

“You talk a big game, Minyard.” 

Andrew smiled, ignoring Neil’s comment. “Are you excited for this weekend?” 

“Oh, yeah, totally,” Neil said sarcastically. “I’m waiting with baited breath.” 

“Oh gee, goody goody! I’m so glad you’re excited, too.” 

“Wait, what’s this weekend?” Neil cursed himself for not noticing Dan and the other upperclassman leave the locker room behind him.

“Neil’s going to Columbia with us!” Andrew said, clapping his hands. 

“No, absolutely not,” Dan said, shaking her head. She looked furious for one reason or another, but Neil could take care of himself. “I refuse to let you do that.” 

“He agreed, didn’t he?”

“I did.” 

“Neil…” Dan started. 

“Dan.” 

“Don’t let them pressure you into this, you don’t have to go. We can have a movie night or something?”

“I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions,” Neil responded slowly. “But thank you for your offer and concern.”

She nodded reluctantly. “You have my number, right?” 

Neil nodded back.

“Well, now that we have _ that _settled…” 

Dan and Matt glared at Andrew before leaving them. Renee sent them both a smile, offering a ride back to the Tower in Matt’s truck. The upperclassmen were in line for their physicals, but Neil had too much pent up energy to wait for a ride.

“I’ll find my way back,” Neil said. “But thank you.” 

She nodded before leaving as well. 

“Run along then,” Andrew called over his shoulder as he walked back into the locker room. 

\- 

Practice was pretty much what he’d expected of the Foxes. It was even more obvious there were divides in the team, and if they wanted to beat the Ravens something had to change. 

Gordon couldn’t go five minutes without making a rude comment or yelling at Kevin, who took the bait every time. Andrew was useless during practice, but Neil had expected that. Dan was doing her best to keep them in line, but off the court couldn’t control Andrew’s lot. There were many talented members on the team, but unless they started working together, they were fucked. 

Before he left practice on Friday afternoon, Nicky thrust a bag at his chest. 

“This is for you," Nicky said. "Andrew said you don't have anything appropriate for where we're going. He told me what size to get you, and I picked it out. Trust me, it's awesome." 

Neil stared at him, confused. "What?" 

"You didn't forget about our party, did you? Here." Nicky hooked the twine handle over Neil's fingers. Had Neil ever been given a gift before? He must have, but he couldn’t remember. Andrew being the gift giver made it all the stranger.

"No catch,” Nicky assured, probably mistaking his silence. “It's more for us than you, honestly. We can't be seen with you in public if you look like a raggedy hobo. I guess the black works, but no offense." He waited a beat before finally realizing something wasn't right. "Neil?" 

"Thank you," Neil said with obvious uncertainty.

“We'll pick you up at nine, all right? I suggest napping until then. We'll be out all night. We've got all the right contacts to keep the party going until dawn.” With a wink he left.

Neil sighed and finished shoving his things in his locker. It was going to be a _ long _night.

He does end up napping when he gets back to the dorm, mostly so he didn’t have to talk to Matt and Seth. At 8:30 he decided he can’t put it off any longer and reached into the bag Nicky had given him.

He noticed it was all black, and for the first time the familiarity of all black put him at ease. The jeans were dark and tighter than he’d normally wear, and the shirt was long-sleeved, tight, and fashioned to look like it'd torn through in places. There was a charcoal inner layer peeking out through the gashes, hiding Neil's skin, but he ran his hands over the cloth a dozen times to make sure there weren't any open holes. He was sure he could feel his scars through the thin cloth.

He let out a long breath and headed next door.

Aaron opened the door for him, wearing black as well.

Nicky whistled lowly when Neil walked into the dorm room. “You do clean up nice, Neil.” He turned to Aaron. “Aaron, don’t let me get too drunk tonight.”

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” Neil definitely remembered Nicky mentioning - gushing about - a German boyfriend that he met when on exchange there in high school, but he tended to tune Nicky out.

“I do.” Nicky grinned widely at the thought of him, like Neil knew he would. “We have an agreement, though.”

“An agreement?”

“You know, a ‘List’ of people we’re allowed to fuck,” Nicky explained. “Mostly celebrities - Kevin’s my number three - but I need to replace him, so I might just make an exception.”

“Why do you need to replace him?” Neil tilted his head. “Minus the fact that he’s your roommate and on your team.”

Aaron muttered something under his breath that sounded like an agreement.

Nicky waved that away. “Andrew is scary territorial of him. He punched me the first time I said I'd like to get Kevin too wasted to be straight." Nicky coughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "So yeah, I'm going to crush on safer targets until Andrew gets bored of him. That means you, since Matt's taken and I don't hate myself enough to try Seth. Congrats."

"Can you take the creepy down a level?" Aaron asked with a groan.

"What?" Nicky asked. "He said he doesn't swing, so obviously he needs a push."

"I don't need a push," Neil said. "I'm fine on my own."

"Seriously, how are you not bored of your hand by now?"

"I'm done with this conversation," Neil said. 

The bedroom door slammed open. Neil noticed immediately that Andrew’s manic grin wasn’t present; he was sober tonight. Kevin was hovering over his shoulder, both of them dressed similarly to Neil. “Hello, Neil. Lovely to see you as always.”

“Can’t say the same.” 

“What’d I miss?” 

"Nicky’s trying to get into Neil’s pants," Aaron said. "There are a couple flaws in his plan he needs to work out first." 

"You're such an asshole," Nicky said.

Andrew just raised an eyebrow at Nicky. 

"Can you really blame me?" 

In the time Nicky took to turn and wiggle his eyebrows at Neil, Andrew had crossed the room. He gripped Nicky’s shirt in both hands and shoved him against the door. 

_ "Hey, Nicky," _ Andrew said in German. _ "Don't touch him, you understand?" _

_ "You know I'd never hurt him. If he says yes -" _

_ "I said no." _

_ "Jesus, you're greedy," _ Nicky whined. _ "You already have Kevin. Why does it -" _

_ “I said.” _ Andrew emphasized his words by shoving Nicky even farther back against the door. _ “Don’t touch him.” _

“Can we go?” Aaron groaned.

“I’ll meet you outside,” Andrew replied, letting go of Nicky. “I need to talk with our little birdy alone.” 

“Which one?” Neil asked, raising an eyebrow. Andrew’s eyes cut across to his, before waving the others away. They left, Nicky shooting Neil a look over his shoulder, until it was just Andrew and Neil and an empty dorm room. 

“Are you excited for tonight?” Andrew asked. 

Neil smirked slightly. “For some reason, I have a feeling it’s not going to be the best night of my life.” 

“That depends,” Andrew responded. 

“On what?” 

Andrew crossed the room in quick strides, reaching for the back of Neil’s neck. Tugging him down the few inches between them, he pressed their foreheads together. 

“I don’t like liars, Nathaniel,” Andrew said through gritted teeth; the hand on the back of Neil’s neck is almost painfully tight. “As long as you cooperate, this night should be fine.” He released Neil and left the room, Neil shuffling behind him after taking a moment to breathe. 

This was going to be a long night. 

-

Nicky hadn’t been wrong when he said Neil looked good; he did, of course he did. He always did. Andrew was not complaining that he’d be pressed against him in the backseat on the way to Columbia. But Neil was a problem and Andrew couldn’t solve him with a quick fuck. 

He dozed for most of the trip, until he felt someone shove his shoulder. He reacted immediately, elbow slamming into Neil’s diaphragm, but Aaron ignored Neil where he was bent over to snap at Andrew. 

“Exit," he said. 

Andrew braced himself on Neil's back and leant forward until he was between the front seats. He watched until they passed a sign and said, "Not yet. It's the exit that has a Waffle House." 

"This is South Carolina," Nicky said. "Every exit leads to Waffle House. Still breathing, Neil?" 

“Yes," Neil said hoarsely. "I think."

Andrew sat back again, letting go of Neil, who managed to sit up. He was wincing, which Andrew found interesting. He was sure Riko had done much, much worse, but a slight tap of Andrew’s elbow caused him to double over. Andrew was too busy looking at his hands to return the look Neil gave him. 

"Nicky," Andrew said, eyes still on his trembling hands. He hated it, the weakness that came with his meds.

Nicky glanced back. He couldn't see tremors in the darkness, but he saw where Andrew was looking. Nicky swept across lanes toward their exit. "We're almost there." 

"Pull over,” Andrew said through gritted teeth. 

"We're on an exit ramp."

"Now.” 

Nicky pulled off into the almost nonexistent shoulder, but Andrew paid no mind to the drivers honking at them. He shoved his door opened, leaned out of the car as far as he could, and dry heaved into the weeds alongside the road. His entire body was shaking; he detested that Neil could see this weakness.

"Where are your crackers?" Nicky asked as Andrew spat a few times. 

"He took them earlier," Kevin said. Andrew pulled himself back into the car by Kevin’s headrest, still trembling. 

"All of them?" Nicky asked, horrified. "Jesus, Andrew." 

"Shut up," Andrew said. "Just get us there.” 

Sweetie’s was just as busy as they’d expected, but Andrew walked straight to the salad bar and grabbed two handfuls of cracker packets from the bucket on the end. He ate them one by one, meeting Kevin’s blank stare with a glare of his own. Eventually they were seated and Andrew shoved the empty packets into the host’s apron. 

The waitress came to offer them menus, but Nicky waved her off. “We're just here for the ice cream special.”

"No problem," she said with a smile. "I'll get that right to you.”

Andrew ignored Nicky’s concerned looks, and focused on breathing. Shudders were wracking his body and his head was pounding. 

Kevin pulled the bottle of Andrew’s pills out of his pocket and set them on the table. "Just take it." 

Andrew went perfectly still as he stared at the bottle. "Fuck you." 

"You're going through withdrawal,” Neil said, stating the obvious. 

Andrew ignored him. "Put that away before I shove it down your throat." 

Kevin frowned but complied. 

The ice cream arrived before anyone else could give their opinion. As soon as she left, Andrew scattered the napkins she’d left with an impatient hand. 

"We're in public," Aaron said. 

Andrew ignored him in favor of ripping open two bags of the cracker dust and upending them into his mouth. 

Nicky nudged Neil. "Try the ice cream. You'll love ” 

Andrew was too busy trying not to vomit to pay attention to if Neil loved it or not. After a moment he felt well enough to eat his own ice cream, ignoring Nicky’s rambling.

Eventually they’d all finished, Aaron paying the bill. 

Now came the fun part.

It was only a short ride to Eden’s Twilight. Aaron and Kevin went to find a table while Nicky parked the car and Andrew dragged Neil to the bar.

Roland was busy serving another customer, and while they waited Andrew took the time to decide if he felt up for thirty minutes in the backroom. Neil shuffled on his feet next to him, accidentally brushing their shoulders together, and Andrew decided against it. 

"Back so soon, Andrew?” Roland smiled when he caught sight of them. “Who's your newest victim?"

"A nobody," Andrew said. "It's the usual for us.” 

The man sent him a suggestive look but nodded at the slight shake of Andrew’s head. Not tonight. Roland turned to Neil with an appreciative smirk, obviously looking him up and down. Neil was oblivious but Andrew glared at Roland even if he couldn’t blame him for staring, who held up both hands with a wink. "And for you, handsome?" 

"I don't drink," Neil said sharply.

"Soda, then," Roland said, and began to put their order together. Roland slid Neil his glass of soda last and nodded to Andrew, who began to lead the way back through the crowd. 

"Cheers," Nicky yelled, reaching for a shot when the tray was set down on the table, and they drank as one. Andrew pulled the cracker dust out of his pocket, sharing them with the table and waggling one at Neil in taunting invitation, to which he just glared. Andrew noticed he hadn’t taken a sip of his soda. 

"Cracker dust," Nicky said as he ripped his packet open. "Heard of it? Tastes like sugar and salt and gives you a small rush. Sure you don't want in?" 

Neil shook his head. "Not interested."

The tray was quickly emptied, and Nicky and Aaron found their way to the dance floor. Kevin wandered off, probably to the bar for more drinks, leaving Andrew and Neil together. 

Neil finally went to take a sip of his soda, but before his mouth touched the rim of the glass he paused. 

“You know, if you want me to trust you, drugging me is a poor way to go about it,” Neil said casually. 

Andrew tried not to react, but by the look on Neil’s face didn’t think he quite managed. 

“You invited me here - to the obvious objections of our teammates - and you’ve been staring at me, waiting for me to take a sip,” Neil explained before Andrew question it. “Also, anyone that insists on a glass for soda when there are cans available is usually up to something.”

“Paranoid.” Andrew leaned back in his seat. Under the lights of the club, Neil’s eyes looked unreal. One eyebrow was raised as if in a challenge and he was gently dragging a thumb along his jaw. Andrew hated him. 

“Not paranoid. Just careful,” Neil corrected, setting his drink down. 

“The first day you were here, you didn’t drink what Wymack gave you until Kevin tried it,” Andrew remembered. He had glared at the cup like it had done something wrong to him, until Kevin had reached over and taken a sip first. Andrew had made his own assumptions as to why, but Neil’s nod confirmed them. 

“Riko enjoyed his games,” Neil said with a grim smile. “And believe it or not, he didn’t appreciate if I didn’t go along with them. Kevin knew I wouldn’t trust Wymack - especially not with my past experiences with coaches - until I was certain he wasn’t like Riko or Tetsuji.” 

Andrew clenched his fists under the table. “All this talk of trust.” 

Neil rested his elbows on the sticky table and leant forward. “Here’s the thing, Minyard. I don’t trust you and you don’t trust me. But we have a mutual interest in keeping Kevin alive. Unfortunately, we need to work together because that asshole needs all the help he can get.” He leant back, picking up his glass again. “You have five minutes, and then I’m going to find Kevin. Don’t test me.”

And then the idiot downed his drink. The effect hit almost immediately, but Neil wasn’t lying when he said he had experience. He took it in stride, though it was obvious this wasn’t a drug he was used to. He made a face at the taste; Andrew knew that the dust worked quickly, which was confirmed by Neil’s reaction. 

Andrew didn’t believe in regret, but he wanted to strangle the other boy for willingly drugging himself. 

Neil tapped on his wrist. “Tick tock, your five minutes have started.” 

“You want to keep Kevin alive. Why?”

“I’m his friend,” Neil said. “I only have two friends so I don’t have a lot of experience with friendship, but I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to want my friend to be alive.” 

Andrew crossed his arms. “Didn’t think people like you knew how to have friends.” He didn’t say ‘People like us’ but Neil seemed to hear the unsaid words.

“Not usually,” Neil agreed. “I doubt I’ll ever make another friend. But I knew Kevin before we became those people.”

It was hitting Neil faster than either of them were expecting, and it was only a few minutes later than he stood up, struggling slightly.

“Excuse me,” Neil said, pressing a hand to his temple. 

“I’m not done with my five minutes,” Andrew pointed out. 

“Rain check.” 

“Hm.” 

“I need - fuck.” He shook his head like a dog. “I need Kevin. I can’t let him - not again -” 

He managed to get shaky legs to move, and headed for the dance floor. Andrew Minyard did not believe in regret, and he did not apologise. But off his meds he had an anger as his core, and tonight he knew that rage most intimately.

\- 

Neil tried to get to the bar. He knew Kevin was there, because even if Kevin didn’t dance, he did drink. He’d only just caught a glimpse of wide shoulders and dark hair when he was intercepted by Nicky.

“Sure you don’t want to dance, Neil?” 

Neil shook his head. “I need to find Kevin.” 

Nicky ignored him in favour of grabbing him by the hips, dragging them together. 

The kiss was harder than Neil expected it to be, Nicky’s tongue forcing itself past his teeth. He tasted like the same sweet taste of whatever Andrew had put in his soda on Nicky’s tongue. He didn’t mean to swallow, wanted to spit it out, but he did it reflexively. 

"This is how the game goes," Nicky said against his lips. He kisses him again, just as forcefully. "Stop fighting if you want to survive." 

"Fuck you," Neil snarled, managing to gather the strength to push him away. 

"Good luck, Neil. If I were you I’d go back to the table.” 

It was coming in flashes, panic gripping him more than the drugs. He needed Jean, he needed to make sure Jean -

He ignored what Nicky had said, stumbling to the bar. He found Kevin and grabbed at his shoulders. “Kevin - I need you to knock me out.” 

“What, why?” His shock broke through his drunken stupor, but there was an emotion underneath that Neil couldn’t possibly read in his state. Roland started to protest behind the bar, but Kevin sent him as good a glare as he could.

“Something - something in my drink. Kev, Kev, please. No one can know. And I can’t - not again.”

Kevin nodded, knowing this isn’t something Neil would ask unless he was desperate, grabbing his wrist and dragging him away from the bar. 

Neil was still babbling, but he felt safe in the knowledge that it was only Kevin that could hear him. “You need to find Jean - you can’t let Riko touch him again, he can’t -” 

“Riko isn’t here,” Kevin said firmly, fingers tightening on Neil’s wrist. “Breathe, Neil.” 

They’d reached a back alley of some sort, and the last thing he saw was Kevin’s arm moving back. 

\- 

It took more strikes than Kevin was expecting, but he’d never been a fighter. Neil, motionless in his arms, looked so much younger than when he was mouthing off to someone. He was just a kid - fuck, they were all just kids, fucked up kids that were never allowed a childhood. 

Kevin felt sick to his stomach, knowing that he’d been a part of this. He hadn’t poured the cracker dust into Neil’s soda, but he hadn’t stopped Andrew. He hadn’t thought about the consequences, knowing that when Andrew made up his mind he made up his mind. He couldn’t have changed this, but he could have fought a little harder. Could have warned Neil. 

“Kevin?” Roland came up behind them. He was hesitant, like he was worried he’d be the next one unconscious in a back alley. 

“Watch him,” Kevin growled. The shock and fear had sobered him plenty, but half of the anger he felt was unfamiliar. He’d been mad at himself plenty, but he’d never been properly _ mad _at Andrew. “And if you touch him -” 

“I won’t,” Roland assured him, looking shocked. “You know that I won’t.”

“Do I?” 

“I promise.” Kevin searched his eyes, looking for any sign of deceit. When all he saw was sincerity he nodded. 

He laid Neil down on the pavement as gently as he could before turning on his heel. 

Andrew was easy to locate, still sat at the table. 

“What did you do to him?” 

“You knew what it meant, bringing him here, Kevin.” Andrew sounded bored, like he was already sick of this conversation. “Don’t pretend to be brave. Where is he?” 

“Back alley,” Kevin spat. “With Roland.” 

That caused Andrew to straighten up, even if only minutely. “Why?” 

“Because he asked me to knock him out, Andrew. He was so fucked up he asked me to _ fucking knock him out. _How much did you give him?” 

“Nothing that should have fucked him up that much.” 

Kevin saw Nicky out of the corner of his eye, shuffling backwards slightly. He didn’t have the time or energy to decipher why; he was too angry. 

“Go find Aaron,” Andrew instructed Nicky, already standing up. “We’re going.”

“I’ll get Neil,” Kevin said. He turned on his heel and walked back to the alleyway. Roland was standing a few feet away from Neil, smoking.

“He didn’t wake up or anything,” he said. Kevin just nodded in response, afraid he’d take a swing at Roland if he spoke to him. He reached up to scoop Neil into his arms and could only imagine what he would say about Kevin carrying him like a bride if he was awake. He was light enough that Kevin was barely straining, lean muscle and small stature making it easy to carry him. 

He walked back towards where the car was parked, finding Andrew already leaning against the hood. His face was an apathetic mask that Kevin couldn’t read, but he didn’t comment on Kevin carrying Neil.

“I’ll sit in the back with Neil,” Kevin said lowly. Andrew nodded silently before getting into the car. 

\- 

Neil woke with a splitting headache and a mouth drier than the Sahara. The room he was in was unfamiliar, and he could tell there was another presence in the bed. He scrambled back, terrified, breath coming in gasps, and struck out, fist connecting with the eye of whoever was in his bed. 

At the soft ‘oof’ Neil realised too late it was just Kevin. He relaxed slightly, wincing. He’d just punched Kevin in the face, though the blow wasn’t as hard as it could have been. 

“Jesus H Christ, Neil,” Kevin groaned. 

“Sorry.” Neil winced again. 

“Don’t apologise,” he yawned. “I shouldn’t have slept beside you like this. It’s my fault.”

“I guess we’re even?” 

Kevin sent him an unamused look, eye already starting to turn red. 

“Glad to see you’re still incredible in the morning,” Neil croaked, voice raspy. 

“Fuck you.” He stood up, stretching. Neil was hit with a ridiculous urge to tickle his stomach where his shirt had ridden up a few inches. “I’ll be right back.” 

He left the room. Last night came back in small bits, Andrew’s eyes across the table, Nicky’s tongue in his mouth, Kevin’s arm pulling back before a blow landed. 

He came back before Neil could think about it more, hands full. He handed Neil a full glass of water, a bag of ice he’d wrapped in a towel, and what looked like pain meds. He pulled up a footstool next to the bed, swallowing two pills himself and pressing his own bag of ice against his eye. “It was cracker dust, what Andrew put in your drink. You’ll be fine, but it really dehydrates you.” 

Neil sat up before popping the pills into his mouth and downing the water in one go, and tried to smile at Kevin. “Wow, I should ask you to knock me out more often, if this is the treatment I get.” 

“Don’t you dare,” Kevin said through clenched teeth. 

“You make a beautiful nurse,” Neil continued. “But your bedside manner leaves a bit to be desired.” 

Kevin sighed, ignoring him. “What happened?”

“Andrew drugged me,” Neil started. “Nicky forced his tongue down my throat with more of whatever Andrew had put in my drink. I believe there was a panic attack at some point? But I don’t remember a great deal. You punched me because I didn’t want to accidentally tell a secret. That’s pretty much it.” 

Kevin clenched his fists in his lap, the scars standing out. Neil reached over and touched his hand, feeling it relax slightly. 

“Don’t,” Neil said softly. “I’m okay.” 

“What he did wasn’t okay, Neil.” 

Neil tilted his head. “You knew he had something planned.” 

Kevin closed his eyes. “Yes.”

“I don’t blame you,” Neil said, trailing his hand up to grasp Kevin’s wrist. “Or even Andrew, really.” 

Kevin’s eyes snapped open. “He _ drugged _ you. And I _ let _him.” 

“He did it to protect you.” Neil shrugged. “And I knew the drink was drugged anyway.” 

“And you still _ drank it?!” _Kevin was horrified, but he shouldn’t be so surprised. 

“Kevin, I have no room to talk about doing fucked up things to protect people I care about.”

Kevin made a dismissive noise. “Andrew doesn’t care about me. I don’t think he’s capable of caring about anyone or anything.” 

“He cares about keeping you and his family safe, no matter what his reasoning is. Sometimes that’s enough.” 

Kevin paused, staring at where Neil’s fingers encircled his wrist. “You drank a drink you knew was drugged. After all that Riko’s done, how could you do that?” 

“Like I said.” Neil shrugged again. “I’ve done fucked up things. He was just protecting you.” 

“You’re so fucking stupid.” 

It was true, so Neil didn’t see a point in denying it. He let Kevin’s wrist go with a small pat then removed his ice pack and pressed a finger gingerly to his eye, hissing when he touched a bruise. “This’ll be fun to explain.”

“With the black eye I’m bound to have, we _ do _ look like we got in a fight,” Kevin agreed. 

Neil brought a hand to his chest, gasping. “Who would ever want to fight _you_, the most beloved Kevin Day?” 

Kevin rolled his eyes but his grin was wider than any Neil had seen on him in a very long time. Neil couldn’t help but match it. 

What did that say about them? That the first smile they’d shared in months was the morning after Neil had been drugged and knocked unconscious, both nursing bruises? They sat there smiling stupidly at each other for a moment, until there was a knock on the door. Both their smiles dropped.

Nicky came in before he’d been invited, surprisingly chipper for someone that had been out drinking all night. Then again, Neil didn’t know how long he’d been out. It could be late afternoon for all he knew. Neil’s body seized up, memories of Nicky’s tongue tensing his shoulders. 

“You’re up!” he grinned. 

Before Neil even knew what he was doing, he’d stood up and crossed the room. He ignored the surge of dizziness he felt at standing so quickly and got as close to Nicky as he could without touching him, crowding him against the wall. 

“Oh, dearie me! I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Neil.” 

“I’m not touching him.” Neil raised his hands, not even turning to face Andrew in the doorway. “I just wanted to say something.” 

“Oh? Pray tell,” Andrew responded. He was dressed for the day, contrasting vividly with Nicky, who was still in his pajamas. Not for the first time, Neil wondered at the black armbands he always wore. A fashion statement? Hiding something? 

“The drugs, whatever. You did that for a reason, and I drank that willingly. But I do not like being touched without my consent.” He turned to jab a finger in Andrew’s direction. “Fuck you both for that.” 

Andrew had gone still in the doorway, grin still in place. “I didn’t touch you. Like you said, you drank that drink yourself.” 

“Yeah, and then your cousin shoved his tongue down my throat. Don’t play virtuous with me,” Neil spat. 

Andrew turned slowly on his heel to face Nicky. “Is that true?”

“You wanted to -”

“I thought I told you not to touch him.” 

Neil was pushed out of the way, Andrew taking his place. He didn’t bother giving Nicky any space, shoving an arm against his throat. It took a moment for Neil to realise that Andrew had a small knife pressed to Nicky’s fuzzy bathrobe. He wasn’t positive where the goalie had pulled it from, but there was a chance he now knew what the armbands were used for. A more forgiving man would tell Andrew it was alright, and that stabbing his cousin wasn’t necessary. Neil wasn’t a very forgiving person. 

“Shh, Nicky, shh," Andrew said, like he was soothing a troubled child. "Why the long face? It's going to be okay.”

Nicky had frozen, eyes darting in between Kevin and Neil.

“You will keep your hands to yourself or I will cut them off.” 

Nicky nodded frantically. Andrew let him go and shoved him out the door, before turning to Neil. 

“He will never touch you again. Come.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than usual, but I didn't want to shove too much in a single chapter!
> 
> TW: mentions/depictions of past canon typical violence, vague description of panic attacks

“Neil, oh God, we were so worried,” Dan cried, opening the door to his dorm before he’d even pulled his keys out of his pocket.

Neil sent her a strange look. “Why? You knew where I was going.”

“You were gone longer than usual,” she explained. Neil supposed being gone for almost a full day was a bit much, but he hadn’t woken up until almost one, and they’d stopped for a late lunch on the way home. He was more stuck on the fact that Dan was worried about him at all. She looked him over before freezing. “You’re bruised. What happened?”

“There was a misunderstanding,” Neil said carefully.

“I’ll kill him -” Matt growled, joining her at the door

“It’s my fault,” Neil assured him, rubbing sheepishly at the back of his neck. “I said something I shouldn’t have, and Kevin took a swing at me.”

“Kevin...hit you? Kevin? Not Andrew?”

“Neil’s always had an attitude problem,” Kevin drawled, coming up behind him. “Andrew broke it up before it could get bad.”

“I guess it makes up for the incident on move in day, huh?” Neil tossed over his shoulder, grinning slightly.

“I didn’t punch _ you _ on move in day,” Kevin pointed out, gesturing towards his own black eye.

Dan gaped at Kevin. “He _ punched _you?”

“And he’s still alive?” Matt was gaping as well. “Andrew almost killed _ Nicky _when he made a vague comment about Kevin’s abs.”

“Oh, ye of little faith,” Andrew grinned, standing by his own door.

“I’d apologise for the lack of faith, but I know what you get up to in Columbia,” Matt said with an eye roll. There was a story there, even if he didn’t look nearly as angry as Dan.

“Well, it’s been sorted,” Andrew replied. He turned to Neil and raised an eyebrow. “Wesninski, I have a raincheck to cash.”

Neil nodded and Andrew turns on his heel without saying a word, walking quickly towards the stairwell. 

The stairwell dead-ended at a door marked "Roof Access – Maintenance Staff Only". Neil was sure it was meant to be locked, but all it took was a few jiggles of the handle for Andrew to open it. Judging by the neat cuts on the door and frame, Andrew had broken the lock long ago. 

Andrew strolled to the edge of the roof and sat down, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it before Neil even joined him. 

“I’ll be honest,” Neil started, sitting next to Andrew. He could see all of campus from this height; it was so dizzyingly different from the Nest that Neil’s breath caught.“I feel like I should take back that raincheck, considering what your cousin did.”

“He knows I’m serious when I say not to touch you,” Andrew replied.

“Doesn’t erase the past,” Neil shrugged, stealing the cigarette out of Andrew’s mouth. When he only responded with an indecipherable look and didn’t try to take it back, Neil took a drag and watched him light another one.

“How about this,” Andrew said, squinting into the setting sun. “Instead of that raincheck, we play a game.”

“Oh?” Neil didn’t have a great experience with teammates and ‘games’, but he supposed Andrew wasn’t Riko. “I hope this game is more fun than the ones I’m used to.”

“Truth for a truth. I ask you a question, and then you ask me a question.”

Neil tilted his head thoughtfully. “And if I don’t want to answer it?”

“I’m sure you can talk your way out of anything you don’t want to answer,” Andrew scoffs.

Neil smirked slightly but didn’t respond with more than a gesture indicating Andrew should continue.

“Why did you follow Kevin?”

Easy question. “To keep him safe.”

Andrew hummed, exhaling. 

“I’ve known Kevin almost half of my life,” Neil added. “Besides, even if I didn’t consider him a friend, his safety and success has always been my safety and success.”

Andrew thumbed at his full bottom lip, but didn’t ask Neil to elaborate, though he continued without being prompted.

“Riko couldn’t hurt Kevin the same way he could hurt me. If Kevin failed, Riko took it out on me. I’m here to make sure he succeeds.”

“That’s why you gave your game to him,” Andrew stated. Neil shook his head.

“Not quite. I gave my game to him because before his injury he was the best player in the world,” Neil corrected. “I would have given it to him regardless of our past.”

“So your safety is just a bonus.”

Neil shrugged. “My safety is secondary to his. If only one of us can succeed, I want it to be him.”

“You talk as if you would die for him.”

Neil shrugged again. “If it comes to it.”

“No one likes a martyr, Wesninski.”

“I’ve said plenty about myself. I think it’s my turn for a truth.”

Andrew slanted him a look. “Ask your question, then.”

“Why don’t you try harder in practice?” It wasn’t the only thing he wanted to know about Andrew, but it was easier than asking him for his whole life story.

“I hate Exy.”

Neil’s breath left him. It was - unfathomable. That Andrew could play that well, and still hate Exy. Neil didn’t feel at home anywhere off the court; how could Andrew scoff at that? “You could be the best goalkeeper in the NCAA if you cared enough.”

“Haven’t you heard?” Andrew tapped his finger against his temple with a wide grin. “I’m incapable of caring.”

“I’ve been told that, yes,” Neil nodded. “But I can’t help but think that’s not the truth.”

“I don't feel for anyone or anything," Andrew said. "Don't forget that."

"So Kevin's just a hobby for you?

“Not your turn, Neil.”

Neil rolled his eyes.

Andrew hummed again.

“Why are you the Moriyamas’?”

Neil took a deep breath. Even though he had expected this question, he hadn’t properly decided on an answer. He couldn’t tell him the truth, of course he couldn’t, it was too dangerous. He hated lying, because it left too many loose ends, but even if he disliked and distrusted Andrew, Kevin relied on him. The truth could get him killed. For Kevin’s sake, that couldn’t happen. Andrew and Neil were intertwined how, and that’s how it would stay.

“My father was a gopher for a group who did business with the Moriyamas,” Neil started. It wasn’t a complete lie; he technically _ did _do business with the Moriyamas, even if the middle man was fabricated. He could hardly tell Andrew his father was a living nightmare, or that Neil had been trained his whole life to be his successor. That he dreaded the day his father would die with every ounce of his broken body.

“In the grand scheme of things he wasn't worth much, but he knew a lot of names and he knew how to move product. He did some business out of Edgar Allen, which is how I first met Kevin and Riko. I didn't know who they were back then. I was ten and just excited to meet kids my age. I thought we were going to be friends.” Neil paused to huff out something akin to a laugh. “I was half right, I suppose.

“I played with them for a couple years, but then my father started getting cocky, started getting stupid, and tried skimming from payments. He took Moriyama money that was meant for his boss. They found out, of course. The Moriyamas executed him and my mother before his boss could get to him. I was twelve. I went on the run, but they found me when I was fourteen. Jean had just been sold to them, and for some reason they thought I’d be a better investment at Edgar Allen than dead.”

“I don’t trust the way you look at him.”

It was apropos of nothing, but Neil didn’t blink at the change of topic, though he was a bit confused. “I don’t know how I look at him.”

“Your loose ends aren't adding up."

"I'm not a math problem."

"But I'll still solve you."

“Good luck,” Neil chuckled slightly. 

"You are a conundrum," Andrew said.

“Thank you."

"No, thank you," Andrew said as he lit another cigarette. "I need a new toy to play with."

"I'm not a toy."

"I guess we'll see.”

Neil stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Good luck,” he said again.

-

Practice Monday was just as it always was; Andrew didn’t even deem it worthy of adjectives. The only bright spot was the ending, and even that was made worse when Wymack opened his mouth.

“Don’t leave yet,” Wymack called after he called for the end of practice. ”Get yourself cleaned and meet me in the lounge, there’s something you all need to know.”

Andrew looked to Kevin, who had frozen completely on his way off the court, and tilted his head slightly. He wasn’t a stranger to Kevin’s liquid spine, but the furtive eye contact he shared with Neil was unusual. Oh. Oh, dear. This wasn’t going to be good.

They’d barely all sat down in the lounge when Wymack spoke.

"Edgar Allen's come south."

Andrew felt himself go completely still, smile dropping from his face. 

"No way," Dan said sharply. "That isn't funny, Coach."

Seth apparently thought otherwise because he started laughing. A few others were talking over each other, and there was a shriek that sounded like it came from Reynolds. 

Wymack was trying to explain the ERC's logic, but eventually the entire team - Wymack included - stopped yelling and looked to the couch, expecting a show. Andrew hated to disappoint and let his smile spread across his face once more. Even he could tell it was a vicious thing, all teeth and hot anger. It was rare that the anger so obviously bled through the haze of medication, and it seemed to put everyone on edge. Good.

"Hey, Kevin," Andrew said. "Hear that? Someone _ really _ misses you."

"The ERC shouldn't have approved it," Kevin said so quietly it was almost a whisper, though it echoed in the silence of the room.

"You said he would come for you."

"I didn't know it would be like this."

"Liar," Andrew said, and Kevin recoiled.

Andrew turned completely to face him, ignoring Nicky’s flinch as he pressed his back against his side. Kevin looked sick to his stomach, but it was obvious this didn’t come as a shock to him.

"You did know about this," Andrew said. "How long? One day, two days, three four five?” Andrew looked sharply to Neil. “Or maybe the real question is, how long has your little friend known?” 

“I’ve known since May,” Neil shrugged, not looking fazed by his glare. That wasn’t fair..

Andrew turned back to Kevin. "May. May, Day. Mayday. A little curious, Kevin Day. When were you going to tell me?"

"I’ve only known a week. Since the Saturday before move in."

"I told him not to tell you," Wymack interjected. 

"You picked Coach over me?" Andrew asked; his following laugh was just as manic as his grin. "Ohhhh my. Favoritism, deception, betrayal, how familiar. After all I've done for you."

"Andrew, knock it off," Abby warned him.

"Help me," Kevin said. He was pitiful to look at, but even through Andrew’s anger at his lie, there was a fierce reminder to protect him. _ Mine. _

Andrew clucked his tongue and cocked his head to one side. "Help you? Help a man who lies to my face? How?"

“I want to stay," Kevin said. "I'll ask you again: don't let him take me away."

"You're the one who would tell him yes," Andrew said. "Maybe you forgot."

"Please."

"You know how much I hate that word."

Kevin stared down at his hands where they were clenched in his lap, eyes of course falling to his scar. Andrew thought suddenly of the way Neil had reached out to trace that scar, how strange it had been to see casual affection between two Ravens. Shaking that thought, he sighed loudly and held his hand out, efficiently blocking Kevin's view of his scar.

"Look at me," Andrew said.

Kevin turned to him, a broken man looking for a saviour. 

"It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?"

It seemed to take an age before Kevin completely relaxed. Andrew had made a promise, and he didn’t break his promise. If he had to kill Riko and burn Evermore to the ground himself to do that, he would.

Wymack watched them a minute longer, then nodded. "The ERC will make their official announcement later this month. Chuck—that's our university president Charles Whittier, Neil—has reissued orders that reporters stay off our campus without a police escort. You'll see twice as many campus police around, I need all of you to save their number to your phones just in case. Understand?"

"Yes, Coach."

The room went quiet, until Neil rolled his eyes. "Anything else, Coach, or are we finished?"

“How are you so...blasé about this?” Dan asked, like it wasn’t obvious why Neil wasn’t reacting. Apparently to her it wasn’t.

Neil’s answering smile was more a flash of teeth than anything. “After almost a decade of it, it loses its shine.”

-

Even though logically he knew Kevin wouldn’t miss a practice, after the drama of the day Neil thought tonight may be different. Thought tonight Kevin would drink himself to sleep. But the knock came at the usual time, and Neil berates himself for even doubting. Tonight would probably be harder, and it was almost a relief.

He was correct; it was harder, but it gave him a chance to think about nothing but Exy. He’d survived on Exy for almost ten years, and he folded into the familiarity like it was an old blanket. Kevin was uncharacteristically distracted, every so often glancing quickly towards where Andrew was sitting in the stands.

“How did that go?”

“Hm?”

Neil jerked his chin in Andrew’s direction. “The conversation with Andrew.”

Kevin shrugged, and the conversation was over. Neil let it drop, but cocked his head the next time he caught Kevin looking over. "Isn't he bored of this by now? Driving you here, watching you practice. He's never going to practice with you, so why does he humor you?"

"He will," Kevin said. He sounded sure of himself. "He just doesn't know it yet."

"Can’t say I recall you being optimist."

Kevin didn’t deem that worthy of a response and turned back to the cones he’d set up. "Let's go."

Eventually, Kevin threw his racquet down and collapsed at center court. Neil rushed to him, afraid that the idiot had pushed himself to the point of injury, but Kevin seemed physically fine. Neil was about to give him another black eye for scaring him when he heard him speak quietly.

“How is he?” 

Neil collapsed on the floor next to him. There was no question about who he meant, even if he hadn’t started speaking in soft French. With the district change, their lives had become braided together once more.

“He’s - well.” Neil sighed. “We need to get him out soon. He understands why I left, but Riko will only get angrier.”

Neil squeezed his eyes closed, exhaustion making it difficult to force down his memories. He’d become soft at Palmetto, it seemed. Where before his emotions were secondary to his survival, now his breath quickened at even the slightest trigger.

_ “Jean, I’m so sorry -” Calloused hands on his cheeks. _

_ “It’s not your fault. Go to him.” _

_ “I’m going to get you out." _

“I miss him,” Kevin confessed.

“I know.”

“Does he know, though? That I miss him?”

“I don’t think so,” Neil said carefully. Kevin closed his eyes. “Kevin…”

“You said I left him there to rot.”

“I did.”

“I wish - I just wish there was something I could do.”

“Win,” Neil replied like it was obvious. “Keep getting better, until you’re the best player in the world again.”

Kevin turned his head to stare at Neil. “You thought I was the best player in the world?”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Of course I did, asshole. Why do you think I gave my game to you?”

The corners of Kevin’s lips quirked up in a grin that was dangerously soft. This was a Kevin that Neil knew - this was _ his _Kevin, a Kevin he hadn’t seen in months, a Kevin that few people had ever seen. This Kevin was hazardous. 

-

_ “Oh, Kevin.” Riko stroked a finger down Kevin’s cheek. “After all this time…” _

_ The great Kevin Day, on his knees at Riko’s feet, trying not to beg. If only his mother could see him now. _

_ Before Kevin could respond, before he could say ‘please, not again’, Riko backhanded him across the face. _

_ “Pathetic.” Riko spat at Kevin, shoving him off his knees onto his back. His vision went spotty as his skull smacked against the floor of the court. “Arms out.” _

_ When Kevin complied, Riko motioned behind himself, where Jean and Nathaniel were standing. Both were doing a poor job of disguising their emotions, Jean clutching his racquet with fingers so tight Kevin was afraid they’d break - no, but that wasn’t Jean’s racquet at all. That was a goalie’s racket, larger and heavier than Jean’s. _

_ “Nathaniel.” Nathaniel closed his eyes for a beat but walked towards Kevin before Riko could ask him again - Riko hated asking twice. “If he moves, you will regret it.” _

_ Nathaniel nodded and moved to straddle Kevin, a firm hand on either elbow. Kevin almost laughed; in his hysteria, he had the fleeting image of being crucified by the self declared God of Exy. _

_ Was this his penance? His punishment for each blasphemous act he’d committed for his survival? _

_ Kevin Day, heretic. Who’d broken himself and others for a dogma he’d been force fed since he stepped foot on a court. _

_ “It’ll be okay.” Nathaniel’s whispered French sounded like a prayer. Kevin couldn’t see how anything could be okay again. “This will be the last time he touches you.” _

_ Only in death could Riko not touch him; maybe that’s what Nathaniel meant. His life ended and began on the court, didn’t it? _

Kevin gasped, jerking back to consciousness. For a moment all he could feel was white hot pain.

_ “- he’ll kill you -” _

_ “- banquet -” _

_ “- his father -” _

He was burning from the inside.

_ Gentle hands helping him stand up, Jean’s grey eyes wide with worry and guilt, Nathaniel’s hair like fire - _

_ Agony. _

_ An ending - _

_ His father. _

_ A beginning? _

He was trembling violently, breath coming in such violent gasps he was afraid he’d never breathe again. Maybe that would be easier.

_ Gentle hands, smaller than Jean’s. _

_ “David, he needs a hospital -” _

_ A woman - his mother? No, his mother was - _

“Kevin, breathe.” A hand on the back of his neck.

“Help -”

_ “Help -” _

“I promised, didn’t I?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post the Kathy scene tonight but the chapter ended up being....much long. 
> 
> First game of the season! Yay! Bit of a filler chapter - even if there are some important bits - but the next chapter should be up by this weekend!

Classes were scheduled to start on Thursday, August 24th, and the practice before was hectic. Besides the imminent classes, the Foxes were scheduled to see a psychiatrist before the semester began; it was required for all student athletes, and Neil was very much not looking forward to it. He didn’t trust psychiatrists, and while Dr. Betsy Dobson was most likely a lovely woman, he had nothing to say to her and just felt it a waste of time.

They went by twos, Renee and Neil assigned together. Apparently Renee was trusted to drive Andrew’s car, which puzzled Neil for all of two seconds. It would make sense that they had a sense of camaraderie, what with Renee’s past gang affiliation and Andrew’s - Andrew-ness.

“Most of the team doesn’t seem too on board with you and Andrew interacting.” Nicky hadn’t exactly been eager to pass over Andrew’s keys, and Neil recalled Allison and Dan’s reaction to their - friendship?

“They either give me too much credit or him too little,” Renee laughed, unlocking the car.

“It makes sense that you’d be friends,” Neil responded, getting in the passenger seat.

“Oh?” She started the car and left the parking lot. “I think you’re the only one that thinks so.” She sent him an all knowing look. “I’m assuming you know about my past.”

“I do.” There was no point in pretending he didn’t. “Though don’t feel too special, I know everyone’s past.”

“Noted,” she smiled. “Though I hope our pasts won’t completely hinder any future friendships.”

Neil didn’t try and correct her; there wouldn’t be any future friendships to hinder. He waved in the general direction of the cross necklace she wore around her neck. “Don’t take it as a personal offense, but I find it rather difficult to trust people, especially people I don’t understand.”

“No offense taken. I get it. Most people don’t understand, when they learn about my past.” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and touched the cross. “I’m a bad person trying very hard to be a good person, and my faith has been a catalyst for that.”

“I can’t say I get the religion part, but I can respect the ‘born again’ part.”

“Religion isn’t for everyone,” she said with a soft smile. “Is there anyone you trust?”

“I trust Kevin, and I guess Wymack and Abby,” he admitted. 

“Just them?”

“I trust Andrew to keep Kevin safe,” he added reluctantly.

“Not with anything else?”

“I’m sure you know what happened Friday.”

She nodded. 

“I find it difficult to trust people that drug me.”

“I apologise for what Andrew did to you, Neil.”

Neil waved that away. “I know why he did it, I don’t blame him for that.”

“So why the mistrust, if not for the drugs?”

“The last time I saw Kevin this dependent on someone he was almost crippled for life.”

“Do you think Riko and Andrew are similar?” She sounded genuinely curious.

“In some ways, yeah,” Neil said with a small nod. “But in the most important ways, they’re very different. Some saw the effects of Riko’s abuse and called it loyalty when it was just that. Abuse and manipulation. Andrew would kill to keep Kevin and his family safe. Riko didn’t care about Kevin’s safety, he cared about power.”

“You’re being rather open to someone you don’t trust.”

Neil shrugged. “I trust that you don’t gain anything from what I just told you. There’s no reason why you’d tell someone. It’s not breaking news that Riko’s an asshole or that Andrew would kill to protect his lot.”

“You don’t seem too bothered by his willingness to kill.”

“Neither do you,” Neil pointed out.

“Are you  _ sure _ you don’t understand me?” she grinned.

Neil rolled his eyes. “Do you think they’ll let me skip this appointment because I just had a therapy session with you?”

Renee just kept grinning.

Dr. Betsy Dobson was unassuming at first glance, a good trait in a psychiatrist. The session would be short, most likely consisting of ice breakers that Dobson would over analyze to hell and back. 

"My name is Betsy Dobson,” she smiled, gesturing into her office. “You can call me whatever you like; I'll answer to just about anything from Betsy to Doc to Hey You. Shall I call you Neil, or would you prefer Mr. Wesninski?"

"Neil’s fine," Neil said. The thought of her calling him Wesninski made him ill.

"Why don't you get comfortable and I'll make us some hot cocoa."

Neil sat on the edge of the couch and said, "But it's August."

"Chocolate is good any time of the year, don't you think?" Betsy said. She had a sweet smile but bright eyes. Neil had the feeling that even him turning down hot chocolate would be analyzed.

"I don't like sweets," Neil decided on. He didn’t say ‘I never acquired a taste for sweets because my childhood was fucked up’.

Betsy took a mug and container of cocoa out of one of her desk drawers. "As you know, today is a casual appointment so we can get to know one another. This isn't a formal session where I'll be analyzing everything you say for feedback and advice, so don't stress too much about it. Have you seen a counselor before?"

"No," Neil said. 

"Palmetto State made it policy a few years ago," Betsy said. "The board expects a lot from all of their students, and even more from their athletic representatives. This way they're allowing you a way to vent some of the pressure and stress they're leveling on you."

"They're keeping an eye on their investment, you mean," Neil said.

"That is a way of looking at it." Betsy finished stirring her drink and brought her mug to the chair across from his. "Tell me a little about yourself, Neil."

"What do you want me to say?" 

"Where are you from?" 

“I grew up in West Virginia.” His life before Edgar Allen hardly mattered, and he spent his formative years there. The fact that most of his life was spent in Baltimore was irrelevant now that he had a three on his face. 

“Are you close with your parents?”

“Not geographically, no.”

Betsy accepted the deflectation and moved on without missing a beat. "How are you getting along with your teammates?"

"I'm pretty sure the majority of them are clinically insane."

"When you say you think they are insane, do you mean you feel threatened by them?"

"I mean they have issues," Neil said. "You know more than I do. But coming from the Ravens -” He shrugged.

“From what I gathered, they’re not the most well adjusted team.”

“You could say that.” After his talk with Renee, Neil’s lips were exceedingly loose. Dangerously so. He pinched himself on the thigh; he had to be smarter than that. “Anyway, Friday's game will probably be a disaster, but I don't think anyone will be surprised."

"Are you ready for the match?"

“Coach said we've already sold out opening night.”

"And Friday doubles as your debut," Betsy added. "The ERC has been generous, letting David keep quiet on you this long. I can only imagine the fallout when the cat's out of the bag."

“I have a feeling it’ll be an interesting few days.”

Betsy glanced at the clock on the wall and seemed to realise that their session was almost done. “Well, unfortunately, our session seems to be over. Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?”

Neil shook his head and left the room without a word. An interesting few days was most likely an understatement.

Renee was waiting right where he’d left her, and sent Betsy another smile before leading Neil out. As they walked to the car she said, "That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy."

"Did you bet against him?"

"Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us."

“I didn’t hate her, but I didn’t like her. I definitely don’t trust her. Maybe split it 65/35.”

“I’ll pass that on.”

They drove back to practice without another word.

They made it back in time for the break for lunch, but practice flew by after that. Before Neil had a chance to think, Wymack was calling for the end of it.

Neil was the last one out of the showers and he found everyone waiting for him in the lounge. Neil went to his usual chair and glanced around the room, noticing Andrew was already fast asleep. He'd been wide awake a few minutes ago, but Neil remembered he'd spent this week tweaking his medication schedule in preparation for the school year. His body wasn't used to it and he was crashing at odd times. 

"All right, maggots," Wymack said, snapping his fingers to get all eyes on him. "School starts tomorrow, which means we're switching our practice times. Mornings are going to start at six o'clock at the gym. Afternoon practices are here at three. I've seen your schedules. I know you can get here on time, so don't any one of you be late, you hear me?"

"Yes, Coach," they said.

"This isn't our campus anymore," Wymack said. "Everyone's checked in and ready to go, which means a lot of people to contend with. Campus police doubled their numbers this summer but they can't cover everything or everyone. Be smart, be careful. If someone's looking for trouble, get help. If the press slips past and wants answers, you tell them we're not saying anything until Kathy's show on Saturday."

"Kathy?" Dan asked.

"Kathy Ferdinand." Wymack took one look at her confused face and scowled at Kevin. "Didn't you tell them?"

"There wasn't a need to," Kevin said, though he avoided Neil’s eyes. There was something else; he wouldn’t have left Neil in the dark otherwise. 

"Like, morning show host Kathy Ferdinand?" Matt asked.

"That's the one," Wymack said. "We publicity at some point. It was part of our agreement with Chuck  and the ERC. Kevin chose Kathy because she agreed to wait until after our first game. Saturday morning we're heading up to Raleigh to give her an exclusive first interview."

"She must have fainted when you said yes," Matt said. "When's the last time you made an official public appearance?"

"December fourth," Kevin said. Neil grimaced; December wasn’t the best time in Kevin’s life, afterall.

"Why didn't you tell us earlier?" Dan asked. "I'll wake up early to watch it."

"Or you could come to the studio with us," Wymack said, ignoring the look Kevin sent him for that. "Kathy invited the entire team to the broadcast. If we show, we get front row seats. We've got to take the bus up anyway to fit all these yahoos, so there's plenty of room."

"Did you want us to sit out?" Renee asked Kevin.

"It doesn't really matter," Kevin said.

Nicky grinned and reached over Andrew to pat Kevin's shoulder. "He just knows he has to play nice for her show. He doesn't want you to see his civilized side. Can you imagine how his fans would react if they saw the real Kevin Day?"

Neil wondered how the  _ Foxes _ would react if they saw the real Kevin Day, but kept that thought to himself.

"Do you even remember how to smile?" Matt asked. Kevin glared at him, but Matt only laughed. "Well, that's worth going for. I'm in."

"I'll buy us doughnuts for the ride," Dan said.

"Questions, comments, concerns? No? Then get out of here and get some sleep. One of you wake that dingbat up without getting punched in the face. I don't need you starting the school year with a shiner."

"I got it." Neil said to the surprise of the team and reached to give his calf a light kick, making sure to stay far enough away that Andrew couldn’t reach him. He seemed like the type to lash out when woken suddenly, and Neil didn’t need another black eye.

Their conversation hadn't been enough to wake Andrew, but Neil's kick got Andrew up in an instant. Andrew was moving before he was fully awake, slamming his fist so hard into Nicky's chest Neil's almost felt bad. Nicky gave a sick wheeze as Andrew knocked the breath out of him and sagged back against the arm of the couch. Andrew twisted on his cushion to stare at Nicky, face blanker than Neil had seen outside of night practices. It was unsettling, in a way. 

"Nicky, are you dying?" Andrew asked.

"I'm good," Nicky wheezed. “Why couldn’t you have hit Neil? He was the one to wake you up.”

Andrew hummed and turned to Neil. “He wasn’t stupid enough to be next to me when he did it.”

“That’s almost a compliment.”

"We're done here," Kevin said before Andrew could respond to Neil. "Let's go."

"I missed the powwow."

"Kevin can summarize it for you later," Wymack said. "Clear out of here before I decide you're all better off doing more laps."

The locker room emptied in seconds, but Neil grabbed Kevin’s sleeve before he could leave. Andrew of course stayed as well. “Explain.”

“She wants you on the show,” Kevin said with a sigh.

Neil froze. “How does she know about me?”

“Whittier told her there was a new recruit from Edgar Allen, knowing she’d want you.” Kevin rubbed at his eyes. “She has rightfully assumed that there will be something newsworthy.”

“She’s a fan of surprises, isn’t she?” Andrew added casually. “She loves her drama.”

Neil paused, horrified at the thought, before turning to Andrew. “You don’t think -”

“That’s newsworthy alright,” Andrew continued with a grin.

“Do you think he’ll be there?”

Andrew gave a sweeping gesture. “What’s more dramatic than that, reuniting family that haven’t seen each other in months?”

Kevin’s face was ashen. “What do you mean?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Two Ravens on her sofa may be nice, but three’s a charm!”

“We can’t know for certain if Riko will be there, but you aren’t going to be on that sofa alone,” Neil reassured Kevin. “I’ll just have to give them something newsworthy.”

-

Friday afternoon's practice was canceled because of the game. Neil wasn’t nervous, because he hadn’t been nervous on a court for years, but there was a buzz in his chest that felt a bit like excitement. It was unusual and half unwelcome; they couldn’t win tonight, but Neil needed to focus anyway. He was only a sub, but if he didn’t make an impact tonight Kevin would be alone on the sofa come Kathy’s show. They’d only just announced Neil’s name, number, and a bit about his past, but there was already interest. He needed to keep that interest.

Before leaving for the stadium, he had a light dinner with the upperclassmen. Dan was distracted, staring at her plate, so Matt nudged her.

“What’s up?”

"There's something we haven't told you yet," Dan said to Neil. The other upperclassmen seemed to realise where this was going and set down their utensils. Neil recognized this as a serious conversation and set his down as well. "We were going to tell you a while ago, but we didn't know how you'd react."

"We didn't trust you to keep your mouth shut," Allison translated.

Dan made a face at her but didn't deny it. Neil couldn’t blame them. "So Andrew's technically legally required to take his medication, right?"

"Yes. It was part of his plea bargain." He didn’t say he’d seen Andrew off his meds multiple times.

"He struck a bargain of his own with Coach," Dan said. "The only reason he signed with us is because Coach agreed to let him come off his drugs for game nights. Coach ran it by us first since we're the ones out there on the court with him, but no one else can know. Not even Betsy knows he does it. She's his doctor; she'd have to put an end to it."

"How is Andrew supposed to guard our goal when he's sick?" he asked. It wasn’t quite the reason he was worried, but he did remember the tremors that had wracked Andrew’s body in Columbia and how violently ill he’d been.

"He's not sick yet," Matt said. He put his hand up at eye level. "Andrew's withdrawal is a three-stage process. Imagine you're flying high all day. Then suddenly you stop drugging. First you crash." He smacked his hand down to waist height. "That's stage one. He doesn't get sick until stage two."

"Andrew adjusts his schedule on Fridays depending on what time our serve is," Dan said. "He misses his dose a half- hour before the game starts and always plays first half. Usually he can ride stage one until halftime. Then he takes his medicine again and spends the rest of the night on the bench.”

"What's stage three?"

"Give him his drugs or get stabbed in the face," Matt said dryly. Neil smothered half a grin, assuming his other teammates wouldn’t find it funny. He wasn’t even sure why  _ he  _ thought it was funny, because logically he knew Andrew was dangerous. It was just interesting to see how his teammates reacted to him. "It's not fun. Luckily we've only ever seen him get that far once."

"He won't get that bad tonight," Dan said. "Besides, you'll be half the court away from him. We just thought you should have a heads-up, even if it's a couple months late. Are you going to be okay with this?"

"Is it going to jeopardize our match?" Neil asked.

"No more than anything else will," Matt said.

"Then I don't care," Neil said. "He can do what he wants." 

He didn’t think they’d appreciate knowing that his only real reservation was how he’d play. Andrew refused to practice with Kevin and Neil; why would tonight be any different? Legalities were trivial, but Andrew said he hated Exy, so why would he make it worse for himself by coming off his drugs for them? The only conclusion was that he hated his medication more than Exy, which Neil could understand. His manic grin was painful to look at, and Neil couldn’t imagine how much worse it was to wear.

They finished their dinner quickly and met the rest of the team in the hallway. Andrew looked the same as he usually did, so he wasn’t quite at stage one yet. Kevin looked anxious but his jaw was clenched. This was his first game since his injury, and he was obviously scared yet determined.

Neil fell in step next to him and nudged their shoulders together. “Ready?”

“We have no chance.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Win or lose, it’s the performance that matters.” He grinned and nudged their shoulders together again. “Score me one?”

“I don’t see why I should,” Kevin responded dryly. Andrew had turned to them, squinting slightly.

“I have five years of blackmail on you, Day,” Neil pointed out.

“You act like I don’t have the same,” Kevin responded, which was true.

“It’s funnier with you because you’re Kevin Day,” Neil threw back.

He dodged Kevin’s half hearted swat with a small laugh, ignoring the obvious surprise that came from the rest of their team. They hardly mattered, though, because the distraction had worked; determination had taken over any fear on Kevin’s face.

The traffic to the stadium was hell, but eventually they managed to struggle their way through.

Wymack was in the lounge and immediately directed them to the changing room. Neil was halfway through the men's door when Kevin snagged his collar and tugged him back, nodding at Andrew to continue without them.

“I’ll score you one if you score me one.”

“That’s not fair,” Neil protested with a grin. “I’m just a sub. I’ve only been a striker for two months.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “I think we both have a bit of a disadvantage. Deal?”

“Deal.”

They stared at each other for a moment.

“You can do this, Kevin.” Neil placed a hand on the side of his neck.

“Can I, though?”

Neil hesitated before sliding his hand into Kevin’s hair, tugging him down until his head rested on Neil’s shoulder. He wrapped his other arm around Kevin’s waist, aligning their bodies as well as he could with the height difference.

“Yes,” he whispered into Kevin’s ear. “You absolutely can.”

Kevin shuddered a breath and gripped Neil’s hips; it was firm to the point of bruising, but it was what Kevin needed to ground himself. Neil took exaggerated breaths, knowing Kevin would match them. 

With each inhale he could smell Kevin’s hair, a scent so achingly familiar he felt his own breath catch. It was a clean, soft smell - laundry detergent and the same gentle soap he’d always used, a hint of his expensive woodsy aftershave. Underneath it all, there was a scent that was undeniably Kevin. 

Neil tightened his arms, gently running his fingers through the soft hair at the nape of Kevin’s neck until he pulled back with one final shudder.

Kevin put a hand to Neil's chest and gave him a small push. "Change out."

Wymack called them to the foyer when they had all their gear on and passed around the Breckenridge Jackals' roster. Matt took one look at the starting line-up and made a face.

"Hey, Seth. Looks like Gorilla's back."

"Shit." Seth held out his hand in a demand for the paper.

"At least they're taking us seriously from the start," Aaron said.

"Easy for defense to say." Allison took the roster from Matt and gave it to Seth.

Neil mentally went through Breckenridge’s roster. "Number 16, Hawking. Defense.”

There was a beat of silence before Neil rolled his eyes.

“Just because I didn’t actually play at Edgar Allen doesn’t mean I’m ignorant.” He didn’t say that the knowledge of every NCAA team was physically beaten into him. “Six and a half feet tall and about three hundred pounds. Loves body-checks, so I’ll do my best to not get between him and the wall.”

“He’ll mostly focus on Kevin and Seth,” Dan added. “No one here has seen you play, so they’ll probably just assume you’re a standard freshman striker sub.”

"Are you done wasting my oxygen yet?" Wymack asked. "Let's get moving. We're on home court for warm-up. We're doing simple relay shots first, Andrew and Renee twice through each. Andrew, keep them on our side. You hit a single practice shot onto the Jackals' side of the court when they're warming up and I won't start you until second half."

Neil looked at Andrew, who didn’t seem to be going through withdrawal yet. It would be strange to see it in real time; he’d only seen the tail end of it before.

Wymack didn’t wait for a response from Andrew. "Starters down the line: Seth, Kevin, Dan, Matt, Aaron, Andrew. I've got three subs each half, so you'll all get a swap except the goalies. Kevin, you're out if your hand so much as itches. Don't be stupid tonight."

"It's been eight months," Kevin said with a huff.

"Don't risk it your first game back," Abby said.

Kevin grimaced but gave up arguing. 

Walking onto the court was always a rush for Neil, but it was never the same without an audience. The cheers were loud, and Neil’s felt his heart begin to race. This was home.

After the coin toss, Wymack made shooing motions at his starting line. "Get out there and make them sorry they showed up tonight. I want my subs at the wall cheering them on, but if you trip up a referee I will cut you. Let's go."

Dan led her players to the door and thumped the wall when they were ready. The announcer called off the Foxes' starting line-up from offense to defense. Kevin was the first onto the court, and the entire stadium had a fit at the sight of him. It didn't matter what school the fans were here to support; Kevin Day was in uniform after an eight-month absence. All predictions said he'd never play again, but he carried a racquet with him to half-court like he'd always known he would return.

Breckenridge filed on next. Nicky pointed to Gorilla as soon as the player made his entrance, but Neil didn't need any help spotting him. "Remember to thank Seth and Kevin later for getting crushed in your stead."

Nicky looked at Neil. "Hey," he said, sounding uncharacteristically hesitant. "We haven't really had a chance to talk after... Well. I wanted to say sorry, but I kept chickening out. Are we okay?"

"I don't know yet," Neil said honestly. 

Nicky weighed that for a minute, then sighed and said, "Fair enough."

The referees slammed the doors with a resounding bang and bolted them shut. Seth was already flipping off one of the Jackals' strikers, and the game hadn’t even started.

"Oh Lord," Abby said from behind Neil when Seth turned the gesture on Kevin a couple seconds later. "They could at least pretend to get along when playing against this team."

"Not a chance!" Nicky said. "Ten bucks says they hit each other inside fifteen minutes."

"I'm not taking that," Allison said. “That’s a fool’s bet.”

"You could try to be optimistic about the first game of the season," Renee said.

"Maybe you saw who we're up against," Nicky said, pointing at the opposing team. "You really think optimism is going to help us?"

"I think it can't hurt," Renee said with a smile.

Allison started to say something, but the warning buzzer drowned her out. The buzzer went off again, and the game began. Breckenridge's dealer flicked the ball into the air and slammed it with his racquet. The distinctive crack had Jackals and Foxes breaking formation and rushing forward to find their marks and places on the court. 

It was rough from the start, but the crowd loved it. Exy was a contact sport, afterall.

Neil looked to Andrew in the goal, who was stood casually, spinning his racquet in a circle. The Jackals didn’t like his mocking stance at all, but it made Neil grin slightly. He looked almost nonchalant, not even bothering to move when one of the opposing strikers had the game’s first shot on goal. It was wide, but he made no attempt to block it. That didn’t please the Jackals, and the game got even more physical.

The Gorilla was just as massive and intimidating as Neil’d expected him to be, knocking around Seth like it was child’s play. Seth wasn’t the best player on the team by any means, but he was being made to look like an amatuer. 

One of the Jackal strikers got around Matt and ran for it. Andrew stopped spinning his stick and shifted, readying himself just in time. The striker took a fast shot on goal and Andrew beat it forcefully away, sending it right back down the middle of the court. 

Twelve minutes in Breckenridge scored after a series of saves from Andrew; Neil was starting to see what Kevin saw in him and couldn’t wait to see him against the Ravens.

Before Gorilla went back to his side of the court, he stopped by the goal to say something to Andrew, who looked far from impressed. He stood his racquet in front of him, folded his arms across the net, and perched his chin on his arms. The fact that his racquet was almost taller than him made it even more condescending, so Gorilla just waved him off dismissively and returned to center court.

"I win," Nicky said. "It's only thirteen minutes."

Neil’s eyes snapped towards center court just in time to see Seth throw a punch at Kevin, and sighed. The team worked better on the court than off, but there was still a long way to go.

"No one took your bet," Abby said, sounding weary as she watched Dan break up the fight.

There was a new set to Kevin’s shoulders that Neil recognized. He was angry that they’d lost the first point and Neil could imagine the glint of determination in his eyes. He smiled.

“What are you smiling out?” Allison asked. “We just lost a point and Kevin and Seth just got in a fight.”

“Kevin’s about to score.”

“How do you know?”

Neil nodded to the court just in time to see Kevin knock his backliner flat and fly up the court unguarded for a perfect point on goal. 

Allison looked shocked for a moment and Neil just raised a brow at her in response before turning back to the game.

Five minutes later, Gorilla crushed Seth up against the wall. 

"David," Abby said when Seth didn’t get up. 

Wymack smacked Neil's shoulder when Seth motioned that he couldn’t stay on. "Move it. You’re up."

"Going on for Seth Gordon is freshman Neil Wesninski, number ten."

"Is it true?" the Jackal dealer called over to him. "You’re a Raven reject?"

The buzzer interrupted the taunts before the other Jackals could get a taunt in, and Neil just rolled his eyes.

"Hey, Tweety Bird," Andrew yelled without looking at Neil. The cheer in his voice was too mocking to be real, but Neil doubted anyone but the Foxes noticed. "Time to run. This one's for you."

Andrew bounced the ball off the ground and swung with everything he had. Neil didn't wait to see him hit it. He threw himself away from the wall and flew down the court as fast as he could, the backliners not expecting his speed. He caught the rebound from the far wall and passed to Dan after six steps before being flattened by his backliner mark.

It went on like this for the rest of the half; the Jackals used their size to shove Foxes to the ground and crowd Andrew. Kevin was getting the worst of it, Gorilla seemingly going out of his way to knock the racquet out of Kevin’s hand at every opportunity.

"You can't win against us," a female backliner said to Neil. "You guys suck."

"I'd rather be a Fox than a Jackal if you win by hurting your opponents," Neil said. "You're a team of pathetic bullies."

She shoved against him chest-to-chest. "Say that again. I dare you."

Neil wasn't impressed by her attitude. He gave her a bored look and pressed one finger hard against her shoulder. "Get out of my face. You already got carded once. Start another fight and you'll be out the rest of the game."

"Leverett!" the dealer yelled in warning. "Back off!"

Neil had a feeling Leverett had just developed a grudge against him that she’d hold on to for the rest of the game, but was too distracted by Gorilla hitting Kevin’s racquet out of his hand for the upteenth time. Neil wasn’t sure how hard he was hitting Kevin, but it was obvious he was the target.

"Neil!" It was Aaron, knocking the ball towards him.

He was right about Leverett, because she was on him immediately. He darted around her, ignoring her shouts to throw it to Kevin. Again, Gorilla smashed his racquet out of his hand. Neil felt sick as he watched Kevin press his left hand to his gut, whether from physical pain or psychological.

"Get him off of me!" Kevin yelled down the court towards Matt.

Matt didn't answer, but almost immediately dropped his striker to go after Gorilla. Neil watched as Matt tossed his racquet aside to free up his hands and took one powerful swing, punching Gorilla right under his chest armor. Gorilla slumped forward a bit under the blow but as the buzzer called a foul got his breath back and went after Matt, who backpedaled towards the goal.

Neil watched as Andrew stepped into Gorilla's path. Five foot nothing, he looked like a child next to Gorilla, but Neil knew it wasn’t just bravado. While Gorilla had the strength to smash Andrew’s skull in, Andrew was - well, Andrew.

The referees interrupted before any more blows were struck and Matt accepted his yellow card without argument and flashed Kevin a thumbs-up. 

Neil looked to Kevin who was inside the goal line with Andrew, left hand out so Andrew could tug off his outer glove and take off Kevin's arm guard. He left Kevin's under-glove on, but unhooked the loop from Kevin's middle finger so he could slide the black cloth to Kevin's wrist. Kevin flexed his fingers slowly, staring at his scars, then turned his hand over and flexed his fingers again. 

"Kevin!" Dan said.

It was obvious Kevin was done, and even though he only played half an hour he was greeted with loud cheers as he left the court. The great Kevin Day, back on the court. Neil felt a surge of pride for him. Even stepping on the court for five minutes would have taken a great deal of effort; Kevin had put everything he had into this comeback. Neil vowed to make sure it was worth it.

The way the Jackals played was infuriating. Gorilla going out of his way to hurt Kevin's hand and the way they crowded Andrew was childish and cruel. They relied on dirty tactics and childish plays to succeed, and even if the Foxes couldn’t win today, Neil vowed to practice even harder come Monday. This team would succeed. 

He shook his head. He owed Kevin a point, and he wasn’t one to break a deal.

His next opportunity came through another powerful hit from Andrew. Leverett tried her best to stop Neil from scoring, but he used the techniques he learned as a backliner to step around her. He made sure to knock her racquet out of her hands on the way past. After one saved attempt and a pass from Seth, the goal lit up red. Neil pumped his fist slightly, but ignored his teammates’ cheering.

Leverett stepped in front of him on his way back to center court. "You got lucky." 

"You're getting slow," Neil said, tapping their racquets together lightly. “Keep up, Leverett.”

Neil didn't score again until he came on during the second half, but for someone who’d only been playing as a striker for two months, it wasn’t as disappointing as it could have been. Even their loss to Breckenridge at seven points to nine wasn’t as disappointing as it could have been. This was the beginning, and it was only up from here.

After he showered, Neil ignored the celebrations of the team - because 9-7 wasn’t truly that bad of a loss - to find Kevin. He was by himself in the lounge, and Neil could only imagine how he was feeling. 

“Told you I’d score a goal for you, and I scored two,” he said as he walked closer, gently pushing at Kevin’s shoulder with his hand until he looked up. “Do I get a prize?”

“Do you deserve one?”

Neil sat next to him and shrugged. “9-7 isn’t too bad. I’m disappointed we lost, but it’s not the end of the world.”

“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel,” Kevin said after a beat of silence.

“Well, you’re back on the court when you should never have been able to pick up a racquet again. You scored, too.”

“We lost.”

Neil rolled his eyes and threw a casual arm around Kevin’s shoulders. “Next time we won’t.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Kathy, y'all!
> 
> TW: mention/insinuation of rape/non con; blood; Kevin has a bit of a breakdown about Riko but

Neil's alarm went off at one the following morning, after what felt like ten minutes of sleep.

Matt was looking worse than Neil felt, but he’d decided to stay up and drink with the girls in their room. Neil, knowing he’d need to be sharp, went to bed as soon as he got home. It wasn’t enough, but it was enough that when someone pounded on their suite door Neil was alive enough to open it.

"Stop yawning and get moving," Wymack said, clapping his hands in Neil's face. How he was so awake was a mystery, but there was a good chance he just hadn’t gone to sleep. "We're on a schedule. I want everyone on the bus in five."

The upperclassmen minus Allison and Seth managed to drag themselves downstairs by the force of God, and Andrew’s lot were the last to arrive. Kevin was wearing wrist braces when he arrived and Neil immediately crossed the sidewalk to him.

Neil sent Kevin a sleepy grin, not looking at the braces. He was almost sure Kevin didn’t want them to be mentioned. "How the hell did they wake you up?"

"They didn't let me sleep." Kevin sent Andrew a sour look, but Andrew ignored him.

"Smart," Wymack said, ignoring the sour look sent his way. "Let's go."

“You’re not the biggest morning person, Day,” Neil said, shoving Kevin in the direction of the bus.

“Fuck you, Wesninski.”

Abby was waiting by the team bus. It was painted to match the stadium, orange trim and paw prints against a white background. The first thing Neil noticed when he got on was the strange layout; instead of the traditional two rows, the bus had only one. There were so few Foxes that each one could have their own row, and the seats were big enough that you could curl up and nap. In his tired state Neil thought it was the greatest bus ever invented.

Noticing the way the team split, Neil sighed. Even on the bus they were as far apart as they could be, Andrew’s lot heading straight for the back of the bus. Neil took a seat for himself and made use of his small stature and the extra long seat to sprawl on his side. He was asleep before they reached the highway.

It was almost six when they reached Raleigh, North Carolina. Wymack stopped at the next fast food joint he passed.

Abby and Renee went inside to buy the team's breakfast and coffee. As soon as they left, Wymack stood in the aisle to face his team.

"All right," he started, though he promptly forgot what he was saying when he got a good look at the back of the bus. "Damn it all to hell. Hemmick! You were supposed to wake them up ten miles ago."

"I don't want to die," Nicky said.

Neil sighed, standing slowly. “I got it.”

“Neil is a brave, brave man,” Dan laughed.

“Neil has been waking up Kevin for five years,” Neil corrected. He noticed one of Kevin’s feet was dangling off the seat, which made waking him easy. He reached out, wrapped his fingers around Kevin’s ankle, and tugged. Kevin woke with a shout, falling to the floor with a smack and a loud grunt. “Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty.”

“I hate you so fucking much, Wesninski,” Kevin groaned without even looking to see who woke him. “With everything in me.”

“I’m heartbroken, truly.”

Kevin hadn’t bothered to stand yet, still sprawled on the floor. Neil leant over and kicked him a few times. “Up and at ‘em, or I’ll tell them about the time you -”

“I’m up,” Kevin groaned. “Don’t you dare.”

“You don’t know what I was going to say,” Neil grinned, offering Kevin a hand. Kevin ignored it, looking like he was close to nodding off again on the floor. 

“Get your ass moving, Day,” Wymack shouted, watching Neil gently kick Kevin until he stumbled to his feet.

"I hate you," Kevin said with feeling.

"Breaking news: I don't care. This was your brilliant idea." 

Andrew’s ‘Protect Kevin Alarm’ must have gone off, because he jerked himself awake, rubbing his eyes in an almost soft, sleepy way that didn’t match up with the Andrew that Neil knew. "Are we here?"

"Close enough," Wymack said. "You know what to do."

Andrew didn't answer, but Wymack was too busy trying to make sure Kevin stayed awake to push it. Eventually Wymack ended up making Kevin make laps up and down the bus. He looked like he was sleeping with his eyes open, even if they were barely open at all.

"Morning, sunshine," Matt said with exaggerated cheer.

"Fuck you," Kevin said.

"Glad to see you're still a morning person," Dan grinned through a yawn. 

"Fuck you too."

Neil grinned slightly watching Kevin make his laps. With everything that had changed in the last nine months, it was always nice to see something familiar. Even if that something was Kevin being the worst in the mornings.

"Kevin," Andrew said sharply, making Kevin stop in the middle of a lap and walk quickly back. Kevin dug Andrew's medicine out of his pocket and handed the bottle over. Neil had noticed that Kevin had Andrew’s meds, but only had hypotheses as to why. Andrew swallowed a pill dry before stuffing the bottle into one of his own pockets.

Soon they were arriving at their destination; Kathy Ferdinand was one of the most popular breakfast show hosts, and before they’d even finished exiting the bus the woman herself was rushing to meet them in the parking lot.

She smiled widely at the team, looking offensively awake, and stuck out a hand to Kevin. 

"Kevin," Kathy said, reaching for him. "It's been so long. I'm so glad you could make it today."

"It's good to see you again," Kevin said, and smiled as he took her hand.

Neil saw Dan feign swooning into Matt's arms. Neil could see where she was coming from; Kevin’s public smile was a handsome, charming thing, but obviously fake if you knew him at all. The Foxes most likely saw through it because they’d only seen Kevin’s brittle smiles, if even that. Neil knew what Kevin’s real smile looked like, and it was far enough from this that it was disorientating. 

Kathy turned to smile at the rest of the Foxes, teeth perfect and blindingly white. "You were amazing last night. Kevin, you have the magic touch. This team has been doing so much better since you transferred."

"They were already on their way up," Kevin said. It was one of the only positive things Neil had ever heard Kevin say about the Foxes, and probably the first nice thing many of the other Foxes had heard him say about them. "They deserve their Class I status. This year will prove it."

"Brilliant," Kathy said, distracted. She'd just spotted Neil. The look in her eyes was hungry. "Neil Wesninski, good morning. I suppose you've already heard the good news? As of eleven o'clock last night, your name is the third-highest search string for NCAA Exy strikers. That puts you right after Riko and Kevin. How does it feel?"

Neil didn’t know this, but gave her his own public smile. “It's a good company to keep.”

"Did you talk to him?" Kathy asked Kevin.

"I didn't think we needed to talk about it," Kevin said. 

"About what?" Neil asked, feigning surprise.

"I want you on my show this morning," Kathy said.

“Oh?”

"Everyone wants to know who you are," Kathy said, spreading her hands in a grand gesture. "You're a mystery addition to the Fox line, you showed up at PSU marked for the Perfect Court.”

"He'll do it," Kevin said.

“Oh, will I?"

“Yes.”

Neil sent a bright laugh Kathy’s way, as fake as his smile. “Well, I can’t say no to Kevin Day, can I?”

Kathy's smile was blinding. "Brilliant."

She motioned for them to follow and led the way toward the building behind her. With Kevin falling into step next to Kathy, Neil found himself walking next to Andrew.

Apparently Andrew's drugs were already kicking in, because Andrew's smile was bright and mocking. "Best of luck."

A handful of aides led Kevin and Neil to a dressing room, returning after a moment to drop off clothes and promise a makeup artist would be by soon. Kevin's public smile dropped as soon as the door closed. He thumbed through the clothes and tossed an outfit at Neil, who caught it before it could land on the floor.

“You don’t trust me to pick out my own clothes?”

“This is meant to be _ good _publicity, Neil,” Kevin responded, hesitating a moment before removing the wrist braces.

“You excited?” Neil said with a small grin.

“Oh, yeah,” Kevin said sarcastically, picking out his own clothes. “How’d you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

Neil averted his eyes when Kevin pulled his shirt over his head and tugged off the sweatpants he’d worn for the journey, slipping into the provided trousers. Before he had a chance to put on his own shirt he felt Kevin’s hand on his bare shoulder, tugging him around and into an embrace.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Kevin said softly, resting his cheek on the top of Neil’s head.

“We have to stick together,” Neil said just as softly, wrapping his arms around Kevin’s slim waist. “You don’t have to do this alone, Kev.”

Kevin’s arms flexed, pulling Neil closer to his chest. “Together.”

“Together.”

Kevin was the first to pull back, but only far enough to cradle Neil’s face in his palms, Neil’s arms still around his waist. His hands were calloused from years of holding a racquet and made Neil shiver when they dragged across his skin. For all his strength, his thumbs were gentle as they brushed along his cheekbones. Neil felt his eyes flutter closed.

One of Kevin’s hands slid to his shoulder, pressing lightly against the scar there. His touch just as searing as the hot iron that had marred his skin, he whispered a shaky, “Neil.”

The knock on the door shocked them apart.

Neil coughed, quickly pulling his shirt on and beginning to button it. “Come in.”

It was the makeup artist; almost showtime, then. Kevin was all smiles and polite charm again and eventually they were escorted to a lounge to wait, Kevin almost immediately being collected by another aide. Neil focused on the large TV in the lounge, seeing that the show had already started.

"Ladies and gentlemen, good morning!” Kathy was saying. I know it's a little early for most of us to be awake on a Saturday morning, but we've got a fantastic show in store for you today. Our musical guests are the four extremely talented men from the up-and- coming Hobgoblin's Thunder." She paused for the resulting cheers. "But let's start the morning with last night and the start of the NCAA Exy season!"

This drew even louder cheers. Kathy beamed as she slowly paced the front of her stage. "How many of you had a chance to go to a game last night? Oh, wow! How many, like me, watched the game from the comfort of your own home?" She raised her hand and laughed at whatever response she got from the crowd. "Some of you are probably already taking bets on the season's rankings and spring contenders. Right? This year has potential to be the greatest college season we've seen yet. Think of all the changes, all the amazing possibilities. We're going to talk a little about that today, but to do that, I'm going to need a couple special guests.

"It's been a year since you saw him here last and nearly nine months since his last public appearance. I present to you our first guest of the day: former starting striker for the US Court, the Baltimore Wildcats, and the Edgar Allan Ravens, current starting striker for the Palmetto State University Foxes, Kevin Day!"

Most of her introduction was lost in applause; she’d barely said "nine months" before the bigger Exy fans in the crowd caught on, and halfway through his titles the entire audience was cheering. The camera followed Kevin as he stepped out of the wings onto the stage. Not a hair out of place, expensive clothes, charming grin...this was the Kevin Day everyone was expecting, that no one had seen since December.

He kissed Kathy’s cheek before turning to wave a hello to a still cheering audience.

By the time the crowd calmed down, Kathy was behind her desk. There were two couches on stage with her, one on either side of her desk. Kevin sat on the one to her right, half-turned so he could see both Kathy and the audience. 

"Kevin, Kevin, Kevin," Kathy said, shaking her head. "I still can't believe I talked you into this. I hope you'll forgive me when I say it's surreal to see you back here alone! I still think of you as one half of a whole."

"At least I have room to stretch out now," Kevin said, neatly avoiding a real answer. Unfortunately, most of the interview would most likely be Kevin avoiding real answers. "I might have to do so in a minute. I can't believe you expect us to be awake and presentable after last night's games."

She laughed and lifted her hands. "I suppose you're right. But you clean up nice, as always."

Someone in the audience cheered in approval - Neil wouldn’t be surprised if it was one of the Foxes - and Kevin looked down sheepishly with a smile. “Thank you."

Kathy poured them both water. "So let's talk about last night. First, what it means, that the NCAA season started and you're wearing orange. Please don't take offense to this, as I mean no slight against your new team, but why did you transfer to Palmetto State? I understand you came as an assistant coach, but once you knew you could play again, why sign with the Foxes? I'm sure you had choices. Why would you go from the top of the ladder to the bottom?"

"Coach Wymack was friends with my mother,” Kevin began. He cleared his throat slightly. “As I'm sure you know, she taught him how to play. Even after she died and Coach Moriyama took me in, Coach Wymack kept in touch with me." Kevin studied his left hand for a moment. "Last December I thought I would never play again. I was a wreck. Coach Wymack was the only one I could think of turning to, and he didn't disappoint me. He and his team took me in without hesitation. I enjoy working with them."

Kathy reached to clasp his left hand. Neil grit his teeth as Kevin forced his gaze up from his scars to her face and smiled. Kathy smiled back at him and said, "I admit I expected you to return to Edgar Allan this fall. Regardless of where you are, it's amazing to see you back in action. You deserve a round of applause for that."

The audience was happy to oblige. It was, after all, almost a miracle.

Kathy squeezed Kevin's hand and let go. "Kind of unfortunate that your first game back was against Breckenridge, isn't it? You took three points last night, fifth-year senior Seth Gordon bagged two, and your newest teammate scored two. Let's talk about Neil Wesninski for a moment, shall we?"

"Of course."

"You really know how to upset things around here, don't you?" Kathy said. 

“What do you mean?” Kevin said, like he didn’t know exactly what she meant.

“For those who haven’t seen him -” Kathy pulled up Neil’s official athletic ID. Obligingly, many audience members who hadn’t seen a picture of Neil gasped. “Very handsome, yes?” Neil rolled his eyes when he heard one of the Foxes whoop loudly. “But the real talking point is the number on his cheek. It looks very similar to yours, Kevin.”

“Yes,” Kevin nodded. “Neil was meant to start at Edgar Allan in the fall.”

“So the number _ is _what we all thought!”

“He’s very talented, and -” he huffed slightly “- Riko definitely thought so.”

“If he was marked for the Perfect Court, why did he decide to come to Palmetto?”

“I think, Kathy, that’s a question only Neil can truly answer. But I think his style of play fits Palmetto more than it did the Ravens, and I’m glad he’s already succeeding.”

“You’ve played with him before, then?”

“I have, and I’m glad to be able to play with him again. He’s very talented, and I believe he earned the number on his cheek.”

"You and Riko tended to be right about these things," Kathy said. "I can't wait to see what you make of him."

An aide shuffled Neil to the wings of the stage and made sure he was presentable and that his mic was on properly.

"Why don't we all take a closer look at him?" Kathy said. "Let's see the man who replaced Riko Moriyama at Kevin's side. Introducing Neil Wesninski, the newest Palmetto Fox!"

The audience clapped when Neil crossed the stage to Kathy’s desk and accepted her handshake. Dan was cheering his name as he took the cushion beside Kevin. Kathy poured him water, and Kevin passed the glass to Neil.

"Isn't this an interesting picture?" Kathy asked the audience. "Kevin is paired again."

“It’s very interesting,” Neil agreed. “I never thought I’d be here.”

"If it bothers you, I'll take your spot," Kathy said with a wink. "I don't mind cozying up to Kevin."

"Would you really come between two strikers?" Kevin asked. He threw a casual arm around Neil’s shoulders and dragged him against his side.

"Is it possible?" Kathy asked. "It's no secret there was hostility between you and the Foxes' strikers last year. Last night made it obvious there are still problems to work through with Seth. That doesn't seem to be the case with you two."

Kevin let go of Neil but didn’t pull away completely. "Seth graduates in May, so there is less a chance or need to rehabilitate his style to mine. Neil, on the other hand, is just starting out. We have all the time in the world."

Kathy pounced on that wording immediately. "That implies you see this as a permanent gig. Do you really have no plans to return to Edgar Allan? Does it depend on how well you adjust to playing right-handed this season, or do you intend to graduate from Palmetto State regardless?"

Kevin's pause rang too loudly in Neil's ears. "I would like to stay as long as Coach Wymack will have me."

Neil’s heart clenched at his wording.

"Ahh, the Ravens must be sad to hear that," Kathy said. Neil tried not to laugh. "I imagine Riko misses you."

"We will see each other again this fall."

"Indeed you will. They're in your district now," Kathy said. "Why the major change?"

"I don't presume to understand Coach Moriyama's motivations."

"You mean they didn't tell you?" Kathy's surprise looked genuine.

"We are all very busy. It is difficult to keep in touch."

"Well then." Kathy recovered with a bright smile. "Have I got a treat for you!"

Music blared from the speakers, a dark melody with heavy drums that Neil recognized as the Ravens’ fight song. He hated being right sometimes. The crowd jumped to its feet and started chanting in unison: "King! King! King!" Neil looked out at them and spotted the Foxes easily, as they were the only unmoving bodies in the crowd. They sat blank- faced with shock. Neil looked back at Kevin's suddenly ashen face; he knew this would happen, Andrew and Neil had both warned him it was a possibility, but that didn’t change anything.

Neil wanted to roll his eyes at the dramatics, at the all black outfit, at the way he walked like a god expecting everyone to worship him, and he would have if not for how Kevin had frozen next to him. The number one tattooed on his left cheekbone told everyone in the audience who'd just walked onto Kathy's stage.

It had been nine months since Riko Moriyama and Kevin Day stood in the same room together, nine months since Riko destroyed Kevin's hand, and now they were reunited on live television. The audience cheered their hearts out, delighted by Kathy's surprise, but they weren't quite loud enough to drown out Kevin's soft voice at Neil's side.

The words sounded like a desperate prayer.

-

The self-proclaimed King of Exy kissed Kathy's cheek in greeting, before turning to stand over Kevin with a smile that was undeniably murderous. 

Kevin’s heart seemed to beat along with the applause, loud and fast, until the audience quieted down and Kevin’s heart did not. Riko looked the same as he always did, condescending and cruel, and he stared down his nose at Kevin before speaking. "Kevin. It's been so long."

There was a scuffle and crash in the audience. Kevin managed to tear his eyes away from his old teammate for half a second to see that Renee was sitting sideways in Andrew's lap, one foot braced against the ground to keep him from shoving her off. She had a hand over his mouth as they both stared up at the stage. Matt had one of Andrew's wrists in both hands, while Wymack had the other. He didn’t have a chance to see how the rest of the Foxes were reacting, too busy staring at the hand Riko had just held out for him.

He slipped his right hand into Riko's and let Riko pull him to his feet. His hug was brief, but his mind flashed back to the way those hands had hurt him in the past.

Riko let go and held Kevin at arm's length. "I think you've shrunk since I last saw you. Don't they feed you down here? I always heard southern food is heavy."

"I run it off on the court, I guess."

"What a miracle." It was obvious he meant it was a miracle that Kevin was back on the court at all, and it sounded like a warning.

Kathy smiled and gestured between them. "It truly is a miracle. Take a good look, everyone. Your golden pair is back, but for the first time ever, they're rivals. Riko, Kevin, we thank you from the bottoms of our hearts for tolerating our incessant fanaticism."

She motioned for them to sit. Kevin sank back onto his cushion, letting his leg press against Neil’s. He didn’t want to lean on him in front of all these viewers, but he couldn’t help it. The heat of his body was the only thing staving off a panic attack.

Kathy looked at Riko. "From what I've just heard from Kevin, it sounds like neither of you have spoken in a while. Is that right?"

"It is," Riko said. "You sound surprised."

"Well, yes," Kathy said. "I didn't think it possible for you two to grow apart."

"A year ago it would have been impossible," Riko said, "but you have to understand how emotionally crushing December was. The injury was Kevin's to bear, but we all suffered for it. Some of us couldn't handle the reality of what that accident meant, myself included. Kevin and I grew up at Evermore. We built our lives around that team and our pair work. I couldn't believe we'd lost it. I couldn't accept that our dreams had collapsed. Neither could he, so we withdrew from each other."

"But for nine months?"

She looked at Kevin for the answer. He took a deep breath before responding, knowing he couldn’t rely on his public persona now that he didn’t have the energy or emotional capacity to wear it. "Perhaps it was inevitable. We made Exy the center of our lives, Kathy. We showed you our best, but we didn't show you what it cost us. Juggling three teams, university classes, and public pressure was wearing us down, but we refused to admit it. We didn't want to believe we had limits."

Kathy nodded with fake sympathy. "I can't even imagine that stress and pressure. I suppose it had to put a strain on your friendship."

"We are human sometimes," Riko said, "and therefore we can't help but have our differences, hmm, Kevin?"

"No family is perfect," Kevin agreed quietly. His gaze snapped to the Foxes for another moment, seeing the fury and horror on their faces.

Kathy nodded sympathetically again. "Can I just say it was terrifying when you two disappeared? The last we heard, you two had gone skiing to celebrate the end of the semester, and then no one saw either of you in public for a month. I feared the worst, but I didn't realize what the worst really was until Coach Wymack made his announcement."

"The worst was having everything and losing it," Riko said. "We signed with Court last year, which meant we had only one dream left to achieve: to play together with Court at the summer Olympics. We knew it was coming, that it was just a matter of time, that a lifetime's worth of effort and sacrifice was about to pay off. Then Kevin broke his hand."

"Everything changed," Kevin said lowly. "We weren't ready to acknowledge that. It was easier to just walk away. Unwise," he allowed, glancing at Riko, "but easier."

There was nothing easy about Kevin’s escape from the Nest. There was nothing easy about walking away from the Moriyamas, from everything he’d ever known. From Neil and Jean. There was nothing easy about any part of his life for the last ten years, and Riko knew this. Neil’s hand patted his knee once, most likely knowing where Kevin’s thoughts had gone.

"Heartbreaking," Kathy said sadly. When Kevin didn’t respond, she focused on Riko again. "But look at him now. Isn't it amazing how far he's come this year?"

"I'm not sure it is," Riko said, "but I'm saying that as his brother, as his best friend.” Kevin could see Neil’s jaw clench as he bit back a comment. “You saw him last night, Kathy. I'm worried his wishful thinking and obsession will lead him to injure himself again. Can he recover a second time, emotionally or mentally?"

There was a knife in Kevin’s chest as he heard the veiled threat. He couldn’t do this again; if Riko decided to hurt him again, he had no idea what he’d do.

Neil straightened next to him. Kathy hadn’t moved to bring him into the conversation, but Kevin knew as soon as he saw Neil’s jaw clench that this was coming; it was mostly just surprising that it had taken his smart mouth this long.

"I thought friends were supposed to cheer each other on," he said before Kathy could speak again. "Believing in him now is the least you could do after completely abandoning him last winter."

A couple people in the audience booed at that. Matt and Dan whooped to balance it out.

"Ah, forgive my bad manners," Kathy said to Neil. "I didn't forget you over there, I just got distracted. I’d introduce you, but I don’t believe that’s necessary.”

Riko finally looked at Neil. "Hello, Neil.”

“Riko,” Neil said with a wide grin that looked a bit too close to Andrew’s for Kevin to feel comfortable with. The rest of this interview was going to be a shitshow, Kevin thought hysterically. “It’s been ages.”

Riko flared his nostrils at Neil’s insolence. “Indeed it has.” 

“You’re looking well.”

Riko ignored that with a sneer. “To address that accusation of yours: mine and Kevin's relationship is unique, and I do not expect you to understand it. Do not impress on us your petty ideas of friendship."

"Was unique," Neil said, and emphasized again, "_ Was _. I'm pretty sure your relationship died when he couldn't keep up with your team anymore."

"Kevin chose to leave Edgar Allan," Riko said. "We mourned his absence but were glad to hear he found a coaching position."

"But you're not happy that he's playing again," Neil said. "Isn't that why you transferred to our district? You don't think Kevin should be on the court again, so you'll cut him off at the pass. You'll destroy his chance of making a comeback and make him watch as your team succeeds yet again. You're rubbing his face in everything he's lost, and from where I'm sitting, it looks like you're enjoying it."

"I will ask you only once to tone down that animosity."

"I can't," Neil said. "Don’t you remember? I have a bit of an attitude problem." 

Riko's smile was all ice. "A bit?"

“I’m almost wounded, though,” Neil sighed. “You said I wouldn’t understand your friendship with Kevin...are you insinuating that we were never friends?”

Kathy intervened before things could get nasty. "Neil does bring up a valid point I'd like to discuss. This district change is an unprecedented move. For it to be Edgar Allan makes it more surprising. Neither your coach nor the Exy Rules and Regulations Committee has given a satisfactory reason, but I don't think Neil's far off in thinking you transferred because of Kevin."

"Kevin plays only a small role in our decision," Riko said, "and not for the reasons this child claims. It was not a decision made lightly on our part and we've taken an unfair bit of criticism for it. The north says we are transferring to keep our ranking secure, as if they ever had a chance of unseating us, and the south cries unfair at having to contend with us. We are the nation's best team, after all, and the southeastern district is...Well, it's subpar, to be polite. To be honest, its teams are dreadful. We hope our transfer changes that. We're here to inspire the south."

"You want to do for the south what Kevin is doing for the Foxes," Kathy concluded.

"Yes, but it will be much easier if Kevin plays along," Riko said.

"How so?"

"Kevin cannot and will not play for us again. He knows this; this is why he did not return to us this spring. Our affection for him doesn't forgive his new inadequacies on the court, and he respects the Ravens too much to drag us down. That doesn't mean Evermore isn't his home. His work with the Foxes this spring proved we can find a place for him on our staff. We'd like him to return to us as one of our coaches."

"Sounds like a difficult choice, Kevin," Kathy said. "I have to admit both ideas fascinate me. As much as I love watching the Foxes improve, it breaks my heart to see you away from Edgar Allan."

"You wouldn't honestly have him go back, would you?" Neil asked. "I can't believe it."

"This has nothing to do with you," Riko said.

"Stop being so selfish," Neil said, and Kathy gaped at him. Kevin pinched Neil's thigh in warning, but Neil shrugged him off. "If Kevin's dream has always been to be the best on the court, what right do you have to take it away from him? Why would you ask him to settle for less? The Foxes are giving him a chance to play whereas you'd relegate him to the sidelines. He has no reason to transfer back."

"Palmetto State is a waste of his talents."

"Not as much as Edgar Allan was," Neil said. Someone in the audience laughed, entertained by Kathy's mouthy guest. Kevin didn’t share that sentiment, but he wasn’t surprised. "Your team's ranked first? Congratulations and big deal. I’m sure there are plenty of people that would love to give you a round of applause, but I could care less. Maintaining a top position is far easier than starting over from the gutters. Kevin is doing that right now. He's facing entirely new schools and learning to play with his less dominant hand. When he masters it, and he will, he'll be better than you could ever have made him.

"Do you know why?" Neil asked. Riko opened his mouth to respond but Neil waved a dismissive hand. “Nevermind, your opinion doesn’t matter when it comes to Kevin anymore, if it ever did.”

He took a pause to let what he said sink in, before baring his teeth. Kevin was torn between abject horror and terrified admiration. Mostly he was just regretting every life decision that brought him here.

"It's not just his natural talent. It's because he's with us. There are only ten Foxes this year. That's one sub for every position. Think about it. Last night we played Breckenridge. They have twenty-seven people on their roster. They can burn through players as fast as they want because they have a pile of replacements. We don't have that luxury. We have to hold our ground on our own."

"You didn't hold your ground," Riko said over the Foxes' applause. "You lost. Your school is the laughingstock of the NCAA. You're a team with no concept of teamwork."

"Lucky for you," Neil said. "If we were a unified front you wouldn't have a chance against us."

"You cannot last and your unfounded arrogance is offensive to everyone who actually earned a spot in Class I. Everyone knows the only reason Palmetto qualified for this division is because of your coach."

Neil tapped a finger to his chin in fake thought. "Funny, I'm pretty sure that's how Edgar Allan qualified."

"We've earned our prestige a thousand times over. You've earned nothing but pity and scorn, neither of which should be tolerated in a sport. You’ve played one game, you have no right to have an opinion on the matter."

"All the same, I'll give you one more," Neil said, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward. "You moan your faux sympathy, going on about Kevin’s health. It’s oh so heartwarming, I’m sure, for someone that cares. But I’ve known you and Kevin for a very long time. This isn’t about Kevin’s mental and physical health. This season will be a disaster for your reputation, and for the reputation of your team. When you and Kevin played together, you played as shadows. As a pair. You’ve never played face to face. Now you have to face each other on the court as rivals for the first time, and you’re not ready for that. I think you're scared."

Riko's smile could have frozen hell. "I am not scared of Kevin. I know him."

"Oh, Riko,” Neil laughed. “You called me a child, yet your words are _ far _ more childish.”

“What do you mean by that?” Kathy asked before Riko could.

“Riko knows the Kevin Day that played at Edgar Allan. He knows the Kevin Day that wasted his potential with the Ravens.”

“And is this Kevin different?” Kathy asked.

“This Kevin has us behind him.” The Foxes cheered loudly. “He has us to help him grow.”

“He’ll never get back to where he was at Edgar Allan.”

“No, you’re right.” Riko looked smug for half a beat. “He’ll be better. And finally, people are going to know which one of you is superior. They're going to know how premature this was." Neil gestured at his face, meaning Riko and Kevin's tattoos.

“The Ravens are and always will be the best team in the nation. No one can change that.”

“You're going to eat those words," Neil said, leaning back. He looked casually smug in contrast to Riko’s white hot anger. "You're going to choke on them."

"That sounds like a challenge," Kathy cut in with a quick look between them. "You've got seven weeks until your match and I, for one, am already counting down the seconds. There's so much to look forward to this year, but one question can't wait: orange or black, Kevin? What color is your future?"

Kevin clenched his hand around Neil's thigh. "I already said it," Kevin said without looking at Riko. "I would like to stay at Palmetto as long as they're willing to have me."

The Foxes were cheering loudly and spurred on the rest of the audience. The Exy segment finally ended, and Kevin dragged Neil off the stage. He felt himself shaking but managed to keep it together in the view of the public. He knew Riko was following them, and tried not to make it obvious he was running away.

-

Looking away from Riko and into the crowd, Neil saw Wymack slice a hand across his throat and jerk his thumb over his shoulder in a very obvious "Let's get the hell out of here." gesture. 

Riko followed them off the stage and behaved until they were in the hallway. When they were away from public eyes, Riko caught Neil by his shoulders and threw him up against the wall. Neil went rigid as they stared each other down, a familiar tension filling his body.

“Miss me then?” Neil asked. “If you wanted a hug, you could have just asked.”

"I do not approve, Kevin," Riko said. "You should get rid of him as soon as possible."

"What, like you did?" Neil sneered. "You tried, and look how that turned out."

Riko slammed Neil against the wall again and whirled on Kevin. Kevin stared back at him, white-faced and tense. "First the goalkeeper, now Nathaniel. You’ve begun to make a habit of collecting things I’ve thrown away."

Kevin pressed his lips into a hard line and looked away. Riko made a disgusted noise low in his throat. 

_ “You’re a coward,” _ he spat in Japanese. _ “You can’t even look at me. _

_ “I have nothing to say to you,” _ Kevin responded weakly in the same language.

_ “Oh, I think you do,” _ Riko responded. 

_ “What do you want me to say, Riko?” _

_ “Maybe we should ask Jean, hm? Maybe I’ll have Williams pay him a visit and ask him instead? His tongue is always looser after a -” _

Before he could finish, Neil grabbed Riko's shirt and hauled him away from Kevin.

"I’d watch what you say, Moriyama."

A black look twisted Riko's expression into something ugly and intimately recognizable. He reached for Neil, but Kevin caught his arm before the punch could land. Riko slammed his elbow back into Kevin's face without missing a beat. 

"Riko," Andrew said, walking down the hallway towards them. He spread his arms like he intended to hug Riko hello, as if they were old friends. "It's been a while."

"We were just talking about you," Riko said.

"With your fists, it seems," Andrew said. "Don't touch my things, Riko. I don't share."

“I’m simple teaching Nathaniel a lesson, Minyard. You have no business here.”

“I said,” Andrew repeated. “Don’t touch my things.”

Neil started at the insinuation that he was Andrew’s as the goalkeeper pushed at Riko and neatly slotted himself in front of Neil. He grinned widely, gesturing for Neil and Kevin to leave. All of Riko's attention was on Andrew and he completely ignored them as they left. They’d almost reached the exit when the team caught up with them. Neil watched as Abby jogged the last couple steps to Kevin and crushed him in a fierce embrace. Kevin held onto her for dear life while the team hovered nearby. It was firm but motherly, something Kevin desperately needed.

Wymack looked at Neil. "Are you even stupider than I thought?”

"Probably," Neil said with a shrug.

"It's fine, Coach," Andrew said, catching up to them. He touched Neil's back on his way by, fingers light enough to give Neil goose bumps; Neil pondered once more at the way Andrew claimed him in front of Riko, how when he placed his body in between them Neil had started to understand why Kevin felt he could trust Andrew with his life. Andrew didn't slow on his way to Kevin's side and he pressed a hand to Abby's arm in a silent demand for her to back off. "Kevin, we're going. Right now, okay?"

Kevin let go of Abby, and Andrew pushed him out the door into the parking lot.

"Coach says stupid, but I say you have balls of steel. I didn't think you had it in you," Matt said. "Aren’t you meant to be scared of Riko?"

"If that was the case, Andrew wouldn't have brought him to Columbia," Renee pointed out.

"True," Matt agreed.

When Neil looked between them, Renee smiled and said, "Andrew's welcome parties are his way of sizing up and eliminating threats. Not everyone gets invited."

"You went," Neil said.

"The three of us were," Renee said, gesturing at Matt and Dan. "No one else was until you."

"Let's go," Wymack said. "I am going to drop you off at the dorm and spend the rest of the day drinking. Damage control can wait until tomorrow."

They caught up with Andrew's group at the bus. Wymack unlocked the door to let them on, and he got them on the road as fast as he could.

It wasn’t long before they were home, Wymack letting the bus idle out back of Fox Tower and watching his team climb out. He said nothing until Andrew approached, then put a hand in Andrew's path.

"Be smart."

Andrew flapped a hand at Wymack. "I know, I know." They all took the stairs to the third floor, and Dan stopped outside Andrew's room.

"Hey," Dan said as Andrew unlocked his door. "Let's have lunch together as a team. We don't have to talk about this morning if you don't want to."

Andrew pretended to think about it. "No."

"Don't worry, Kevin," Dan said, catching his sleeve as he passed. He started but fortunately Andrew didn’t decide to break her fingers. "We'll figure this out together."

Kevin looked at her, but before he could respond Andrew put his hand on Kevin's back and shoved him into the bedroom. 

Dan and Renee joined Matt and Neil in their room, interrupting an almost naked Seth and Allison who were apparently ignoring a movie to have sex on the sofa. None of the upperclassmen seemed bothered, so Neil ignored it.

"He's looking fancy," Allison said, pointing at Neil.

"Surprise guest on Kathy's show," Dan said. "Kathy wanted the exclusive and Kevin wanted the publicity. Did it record all right?"

"I haven't checked it out yet. We were busy."

"You think?" Matt asked.

Dan elbowed him. "Pause that, would you? We have to talk. Something went wrong this morning."

"We're Foxes. Something is always going wrong," Seth said, but did as she asked.

Dan got right to the point. "Riko was on the show."

Seth stared at her for a second before he couldn’t seem to hold in his laughter. Allison smothered him with a pillow and said, "On the show like how?"

"Kathy sat him down seven feet from Kevin and asked why they split up."

Seth pushed the pillow out of the way. "I should have gone. Did he freak? I bet he freaked."

"Seth, shut up," Dan said. "It isn't funny."

"He held it together after Neil told Riko off," Matt said. "Kid's got a serious mouth on him. He made Riko look like a stupid asshole who sells out friends on a daily basis. You really should borrow the tape from us later and watch it."

Seth looked dubious. Allison arched an eyebrow at Neil and asked, "What'd the monster think?"

"He was drugged to high heaven," Dan said. "Abby made sure he dosed up on the way back, but I recommend avoiding him the rest of the weekend."

"What else is new?" Seth said.

They ended up ordering pizza and eventually the conversation turned to the Exy kickoff banquet they had to attend. Every school in the southwest had to attend, which included the Ravens. Neil wasn’t looking forward to it but knew he couldn’t miss it. 

"We should go shopping tomorrow," Allison said. "I'm going to need time to find the perfect dress. You," she pointed between Matt and Seth, "are in charge of getting Neil something real to wear. I've seen everything he owns. I don't trust him to choose something appropriate."

There was a knock at the door before Neil could respond. Dan was closest, so she got up to answer it. Nicky was waiting in the hallway, smiling but visibly tense.

"How bad is it?" Dan asked. 

Nicky winced. "Does your arm-candy there know how to install a window?"

Matt shrugged. "I can try, but I'm not going anywhere near him tonight."

"Tomorrow's cool, too," Nicky said. "Just, you know, preferably before Coach comes around to check on Kevin again. There's three hundred bucks in it for you if it's fixed before noon."

"You get Andrew out of the room and I'll see what I can do."

"Awesome." Nicky looked at Neil. "Andrew wants to see you."

He got up and followed Nicky to Andrew's suite, entering before him. Nicky pointed down the hall where Neil knew the bedroom was and went to sit next to Kevin on one of the beanbags. Neil went alone into the dark bedroom and closed the door behind him.

The cousins had pushed two of their dressers against the wall under the window and Andrew was sat leaning forward so he could fold his arms across his knees. Neil looked past Andrew to the broken window and hoped Matt could deal with that. It was obvious that he’d punched it, but luckily Andrew hadn’t removed the screen in the bedroom like he had in the living room, or his hand would be completely fucked.

Andrew didn’t look at Neil when he came in but kept his eyes on the bloody hand dangling between his knees. He flexed his fingers occasionally as if checking the extent of the damage.

"You could have destroyed your hand with a stunt like that," Neil said, leaning back against the door.

Andrew laughed. "Oh my, where would I be then?"

"Off the team," Neil said. "Where would Kevin be then?" 

When Andrew didn't answer, Neil crossed the room to stand in front of him. Even without looking up Andrew’s smile was wide enough that his teeth were visible.

"Oh, Neil, as unpredictable as he is unreal," Andrew said. 

“Unpredictable? You should listen to Kevin sometime. I know he told you I have an attitude problem.”

"And what a problem it is! You took a swing at Riko on live TV. He's not going to take that sitting down, you know. How's that target on your back feel?"

"Familiar," Neil said.

Andrew sat up and slumped back against the screen. 

“He’s going to retaliate. You know this.”

Neil debated leaving the room, because this wasn’t anything he didn’t know, but Andrew grabbed Neil's collar, dragging him to a halt before he could move. Neil felt the blood from his hand leave a sticky trail on the back of his neck and he reached back and tried to pry him off. Andrew refused to let go.

"Hey, Neil. Neil, listen." 

Andrew hummed a little. Neil stopped struggling to make eye contact with him. There was no use struggling anyway, and if Andrew couldn’t get around to what he needed to say, Neil would start.

“Today when Riko grabbed me,” Neil said. “You said you didn’t like when people touched your things.”

Andrew waved his free hand dismissively. “I don’t. Riko knows this.”

“You consider me one of yours, then.”

Andrew laughed quietly and leaned forward; Neil could smell the smoke on his breath. “Oh, Neil.”

Neil crossed his arms, Andrew so close he brushed his chest. “I have a proposition for you.”

“Ohhh, a proposition. Do continue.”

“This year is about Riko and Kevin, you know this. Unfortunately for Riko, what I said today will be just as newsworthy. I knew that before I said it.”

“So it wasn’t just you looking for a fight,” Andrew grinned.

Neil winced slightly before shrugging. “I mean, I won’t lie and say that I won’t take any chance to insult Riko to his face. But it wasn’t just that.”

“I don’t like being left out of plans, Wesninski.”

“Maybe next time I’ll tell you before I fight Riko in public.”

“Very kind of you,” Andrew nodded. “But you still haven’t gotten to your point.”

“Tetsuji doesn’t want anyone to outshine Riko. I will help Kevin get back to where he needs to be, and that will anger Riko.” Neil paused. “An angry Riko is a messy Riko - that’s how I got here. His anger and pettiness went too far, and Kengo decided he didn’t need me as well.”

“So you’re planning to make Riko angry. That doesn’t sound like a great plan.”

“My plan is to be a distraction,” Neil corrected. “Whether that’s mouthing off to the press or keeping Kevin’s head in the game.”

“And why is a distraction necessary?”

“You know Kevin gets into his head. He’ll overthink and overthink until he freaks himself out so much he’ll run away. You can only flick him on the forehead to get his attention so many times.”

Andrew leaned back, letting go of Neil, but didn’t deny it. He tapped bloody fingers against his lips. “Then what do you want from me?”

“I gave Kevin my game.”

“You want to give your back to me,” Andrew said. 

“Who else?

When Andrew didn’t respond, Neil turned to go.

“You'll get your answer in Columbia tonight,” Andrew called to Neil’s back.

Neil paused with a hand on the doorknob. “I don’t recall agreeing to go to Columbia tonight.” 

“I have to give you my answer, though! Nine sharp.”

“No drugs.”

"Tick tock, says the clock. Get out of my room."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done with the first book! 1/3 of the way there!
> 
> TW: mention of rape/non-con; character death; drug/alcohol use;

“I’d ask you how you’re doing, but the fact that you’re sitting in the dark by yourself answers that question for me.”

Kevin attempted a laugh. “As if you’d care enough to ask.”

Andrew didn’t bother with an answer. Kevin would think what he wanted. “You’re sober.”  
  
Kevin sighed, like he couldn’t believe it himself. He was sat in one of the beanbags in front of the television, staring at a blank screen. “I need to talk to Neil and I don’t want to do that drunk. After that, I’m planning on getting so drunk I can’t remember my own name.”

“What did Riko say before I got there?”

Kevin drew his legs to his chest, “The usual. I’m a coward, get rid of Neil. Nothing new.”

“Getting rid of Neil isn’t a new thing?”

“No,” Kevin said dismissively. “He’s always hated Neil and my friendship with him. Now it’s just harder for him because Neil’s here.”

Andrew noticed him hesitate.

“He said something else.”

“He -” Kevin coughed. “When I didn’t answer how he wanted he threatened Jean.”

“With what?”

“Riko loved to use Jean and Neil as a punishment for my -” He made quotations with his fingers. “- ‘insolence’.”

“Never would describe you as insolent.” Stubborn, maybe. Arrogant, definitely. Never insolent, especially to Riko.

“You learn to stop talking back to Riko.”

“Neil didn’t,” Andrew pointed out. Kevin almost smiled.

“He’s always been a special case.” It was almost fond, and then his voice hardened. “Williams.”

“Raven backliner Williams?”

Kevin nodded. Andrew recalled him; he was tall, a wall of muscle.

“What about him?”

He bit his lip. “There are a handful of older Ravens Riko would - give Jean to. If I spoke out of turn.”

“Give like how.” There was no question what Kevin meant.

“How do you fucking think?” He was angry now. Good. Angry was better than hollow. “I don’t - I’m not going to say it.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?” Kevin’s voice was almost a sob. “The amount of pain I put them through because I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut?”

“It isn’t your fault. Don’t make me repeat it.”

“I did nothing today,” Kevin said. “I stood by and let Neil clean up my mess.”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Do you think I care about your guilt complex?”

Kevin huffed. “You care about nothing.”

“You are correct,” Andrew responded. “But I also said I would have your back and protect you from Riko. Neil and I have come to a small agreement. He’s here to protect you through any means, and he better keep his word.”

“He will.” Kevin looked very sure of that, but now wasn’t the time to question just exactly why he was so sure.

“I am going to make sure ‘any means’ is not synonymous with death.”

“You’re -” Kevin’s eyes were wide in disbelief.

“He gave his game to you. He asked if he could give his back to me. I will accept on three conditions.” He brought his hand to eye level and held up three fiingers. “One, he keeps his promise about protecting you. Two: he doesn’t question my methods.”  
  
“And three?”

Andrew dropped his hand to his lap, thumbing at the bandages he’d applied to his knuckles after he’d punched the window this morning. “I can’t protect someone I know nothing about. I need to know more about how he’s going to fit into your life, and I can’t do that if he’s a stranger.”

“There’s - I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“They’re not my secrets to tell.”

“Would he not let you tell me?”

“I mean - I don’t think so.”

“Call him.”

“Wait, why?” Kevin furrowed his brow.

Andrew snapped his fingers. “Call him and tell him I need answers.”

“Right now?”

“I need to have an answer by nine tonight. Now is the only time.”

Kevin nodded after a brief moment of hesitation, pulling out his phone. Neil answered quickly and there was a rapid conversation in French. He hung up after less than a minute and turned back to Andrew, who had taken a seat on the other bean-bag.

“So,” he said, stretching out his legs. “What did he say?”

“I can tell you some things. He said you would owe him an extra truth though.”

“Only one?”

Kevin shrugged.

“First question: how many languages does he speak?”

“Four.”

“Four. I only heard three.”

Kevin winced as if regretting his answers already. “He also speaks German.”

_ Interesting. _

“I don’t like being lied to,” Andrew said mildly.

“He didn’t lie.”

“I have a feeling there are a lot of things he _ did _ lie about, though.” Andrew cocked his head to the side. “If you both speak French, why did you speak Japanese the first day we met?”

“It was less likely that one of you spoke Japanese than French,” Kevin explained. “French is a common language to learn, but Japanese isn’t offered in schools.”

“Hm.” Andrew paused. “Why the name change?”

“His father was called Nathan,” Kevin started after a pause of his own, staring at the television again. “He was a brute, and I understand why he wouldn’t want to share his name.”

“Why is he worth more than Jean?”

“Jean was given to Riko because he was sold to settle a debt. Neil was given as a promise.”

“A promise.”

“Before Nathan’s death,” Kevin elaborated, voice dull, “he’d promised Kengo that Neil would take his place in the hierarchy.”

This was a puzzle missing a few pieces. “I was told he was just a gopher, no one special.”

“What else did he tell you?” Kevin asked.

“Not a great deal. That his mother and father were both executed when he was twelve.”

Kevin shook his head. “Nathan was, his mother was not. His mother stole Neil and ran, and didn’t die until two years later.”

“Why did she steal him?”

“Neil lied to you about Nathan’s place. He wasn’t just a nothing, he was Kengo’s go-to when he needed information or agreements or whatever gophers do. He was good at what he did, and he was training Neil to be the same.”

“When he was twelve?”

“I’m sure before then, but the training stopped when Nathan died, obviously. Neil’s mother didn’t want that life for him, which is why she took Neil at the time of his execution. She died two years later, and Neil was back at the Nest.”

Andrew continued picking at his bandages, slowly taking them off. “Do they still want Neil to replace his father?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Kevin shrugged. “It won’t be while he’s still playing, not when he can make the Moriyama’s millions of dollars, and like I said. The training stopped when Nathan died.”

“Why did he need training? What did Neil’s father really do?”  
  
Kevin winced. “I - can’t tell you. But you know what the Moriyama’s are like.”

“So he killed people,” Andrew stated. The Moriyama’s dealt in murder, and anyone close to the top would as well. Andrew wondered if Neil had ever killed someone.

“Only if necessary.”

“Why did they give Neil to Riko, then?”

“They gave Riko the responsibility of getting rid of any insubordination, so that he won’t betray them like Nathan did.”

Andrew grinned widely. “Oh, ho ho. Riko is going to get punished for what Neil said today, isn’t he?”

Kevin clenched his jaw. “Most likely.”

“That’s half the reason he did it,” Andrew deduced.

“I believe so.”

“This will be fun,” Andrew concluded, standing up with a spring in his step. “Start getting ready, we’re leaving at nine.

-

“Neil?” Matt called.

“Bedroom,” Neil answered. “It’s open.”

Matt opened the bedroom door, smiling. Neil could see Kevin behind him. “Kevin’s here to see you. Seth and I will be in the girls room, I have a feeling you need to talk.”

“Thanks, Matt. Send him in.”

Kevin shuffled awkwardly for a moment, staring at his feet, before making his way to the bedroom. He looked sober, so Andrew must not have let him drink himself into a stupor.

“Hey,” Neil said as he closed the door. Kevin looked up to meet his eyes. “How are you?”

“I’m -” He looked down again. Neil leaned against the door, watching him for a moment. “I’ve been better, but I’m not as bad as I was this morning.”

“That’s good at least," Neil said. "What did you end up telling Andrew?” Kevin wouldn’t tell him anything dangerous, but Andrew wasn’t stupid. He would deduct unspoken truths from the given answers, and that made him incredibly dangerous.

“What you said I could,” Kevin shrugged slightly. “That your father was killed when you were twelve, and your mother when you were fourteen. That your father was a gopher but higher ranking than you said and that before his death he was training you to replace him. He kind of -”

Neil held his breath. “Kind of what?” 

“He assumed that there was something else Nathan was teaching you, because gophers don’t usually train their kids to take over for them. I didn’t confirm anything, but he knows what the Moriyama’s business is.”

“Right.” It wasn’t anything he didn’t expect Andrew to find out, and it wasn’t the truth, but that didn’t stop the surge of anxiety.

“So he knows that your father killed people, but he thinks he’s dead and that it was only secondary to his other business.”

“Is that all?”

“I also mentioned that Riko was meant to make sure you wouldn’t betray them. Andrew was amused by how spectacularly they failed.”

“Sounds like something Andrew would find amusing,” Neil agreed. “Thank you for not saying too much.”

“Do you trust him?” Kevin asked after a moment.

“I think so.” 

“Good - that’s. Good.”

“Good,” Neil mocked.

Instead of rolling his eyes like Neil had expected, Kevin looked down at his socked feet and cleared his throat. “I didn’t get a chance to say thank you.”

Neil held up a hand before he could try. “You don’t have to thank me, Kevin.”

Kevin huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I do, though. I couldn’t - fuck.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Neil repeated. “I made a promise to keep you safe, and I intend to keep it.”

“That was years ago.”

“We promised to protect each other. Let me protect you.”

“Why?” Kevin walked a step closer.

“Why what?”

“Why are you keeping that promise? I haven’t done anything for you. I don’t deserve that.”

“You know why,” Neil said softly.

“Neil…”

“You know why,” Neil pressed before Kevin could finish speaking. “I know I’ve never been good at - fuck, communicating my feelings or whatever, but you _ have _to know. I can’t imagine a world where I’d ever break that promise. It’s been almost a year so I can’t expect you to feel the same -”

Kevin crossed the room in three quick strides, not stopping until he had Neil pressed up against the bedroom door.

“Neil,” he repeated. “Nothing could change how I feel about you.”

Neil felt his eyes widen. “You never said -”

“Neither did you,” Kevin countered.

Neil huffed a small laugh and rubbed at his neck. “Aren’t we a pair.”

“If you’d have me,” Kevin said, unbearably sincere.

Neil looked up at him, and couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face. “Well, we already told Kathy nothing could come between us, and we wouldn’t want to disappoint her.”

Kevin’s smile matched his. This Kevin - _ Neil’s _Kevin - was a beautiful thing to behold. “Of course not.”

The first kiss could hardly be called a kiss, they were smiling too widely. Though Kevin’s smile - Kevin’s happiness - was the most beautiful thing he’d ever tasted; he could hardly complain.

The second was better, Kevin using a thumb on Neil’s chin to tilt his head just so.

He kissed like he’d always kissed; lips firm and hot against Neil’s mouth. Pushed against the door like this, Kevin’s body completely enveloped his, but instead of making him feel trapped the weight was comforting.

Kevin pulled back with a gasp, searching Neil’s face. 

“Neil,” he whispered after a moment.

“Kev,” Neil responded just as breathlessly.

The next kiss was hungry, and it was all Neil could do but hold on; Kevin’s tongue in his mouth was ruthless and scorching.

“Kev,” Neil pulled away. “We can’t -”

Kevin pulled back immediately, an involuntary whine leaving Neil’s throat as he did. “I’m sorry -”

“No, you idiot,” Neil said, reaching to interlock his hands behind Kevin’s neck, dragging them together again. “I just - I don’t want to - if you’re, I don’t know. Having a breakdown. Today was intense, I don’t want you to do anything you wouldn’t do as some weird. Thank you, or whatever.”

“If you think I’d try and hook up with you for some screwed up ‘thank you’, you don’t know me at all.”

Neil used the hands he had in Kevin’s hair to tug him back into a messy kiss and swallows the soft gasp he can’t hold back.

Again, Kevin pulled away. Neil was debating punching him in the face, but his pupils were so blown after a handful of kisses that Neil’s brain short circuited.

“How’d I forget how short you are?” Kevin panted.  
  
“You like it.” Neil let out a shaky laugh.

“I do like a challenge,” Kevin responded, tilting his head.

“Yeah? Are you going to do something about it?”

Even though he’d baited Kevin, he wasn’t expecting to be picked up by the thighs and pinned against the door. He was quick to wrap his legs around Kevin’s waist, meeting his lips in a bruising kiss. From this angle it was easier for Neil to wrap his arms around Kevin’s neck, to scratch at broad shoulders. He moaned quietly when Kevin nipped at his bottom lip, soothing it with a flick of his tongue. 

Neil shifted, desperately searching for friction, but just as he tightened his legs around Kevin’s waist there was a knock at the door.

“Neil?” Matt sounded apologetic. “I know I said I wasn’t going to interrupt your conversation with Kevin but I’ve left my phone on my charger. Grab it for me?”

Kevin closed his eyes and took a deep breath that stuttered slightly when Neil slid against his front as he dropped to the floor.

Neil cleared his throat, but knew he still sounded wrecked when he called back a quick ‘Sure’. He cleared his throat again and padded over to Matt’s bed, grabbing his phone and almost throwing it at him before closing the door again. Matt didn’t ask why Neil was so flustered, but left without another word.

“Right,” Kevin said. “I should -”

“Yeah, I mean. We’re leaving soon.”

“Later?”

“Later.”

Neil reached up to drag his thumb along Kevin’s bottom lip, smiling when he pressed a soft kiss to the pad. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Kevin admitted. 

-

Andrew knocked on the door to Neil’s room at nine sharp. The door almost immediately opened but before Neil could leave Andrew stepped up to him, efficiently blocking his way.

“You wanted me to come. It’d be a bit difficult to come if you don’t let me leave the room.”

Instead of moving out of the way, Andrew pressed two fingers to Neil’s pulse point. Neil only half heartedly tried to bat his hand away, most likely realizing he had no reason to fight Andrew in the hallway. Not with so many strangers milling about, celebrating some sport or another. Andrew just grabbed his wrist with his free hand, pulling him closer.

"Remember this moment,” he said, slowly sliding his hand towards Neil’s elbow until he was gripping his forearm.

Neil turned his wrist until he could grasp Andrew’s forearm as well, where his knives were sheathed. Normally he would have ripped off the arm of anyone who touched him there, touched him at all without his permission, but when Neil thumbed the outline of a knife slightly, Andrew recognized it as a question.

_ ‘Did you make a decision?’ _ it seemed to say. Andrew nodded slightly. Neil tilted his head so Andrew nodded again. 

Neil’s back was Andrew’s.

_“Did that - am I on drugs, or did anyone else see that?”_ Nicky’s said in shocked German. Aaron looked disinterested and ignored Nicky, and Kevin was staring at them with an indecipherable look on his face.

Neither bothered to respond after that, Andrew using the grip on Neil’s forearm to drag Neil out of the doorway. He let go when they reached the middle of the hallway. 

Gordon was greeting a handful of his friends as he left his room, customary back slaps and fist bumps. Reynolds followed him, pressing against his back. As they all watched she slid her hands down his body until she was digging in the pockets of his jeans. She pulled out a lighter and a stick of gum, ignoring the annoyed look he sent her.

"I'm not stupid." _ Debatable, _thought Andrew.

Reynolds just kissed him to shut him up and put his lighter back where she'd found it. Matt and Dan followed her out, but stopped when they saw Neil and the others.

"Neil! We were just about to come and find you," Dan grinned.

“Well, you did,” Neil said with an awkward half smile. “Was there a particular reason?”

"Seth and Allison are going bar hopping downtown, so the rest of us are prepping a movie marathon. Any requests or recommendations?" Matt asked.

"You're leaving campus?" Nicky asked Reynolds. "Are you serious?" 

Allison scowled but didn’t deem that worthy of a response.

Matt ignored them to continue talking to Neil. "Renee should be back with drinks any second. She said she'd get something nonalcoholic for the two of you."

"Oh, what a waste," Andrew said. "I'm buying Neil's drinks tonight."

"You're joking." 

Andrew laughed. "You wish I was."

“Last time Neil went to Columbia he came back with a black eye.”

“Ah, but that wasn’t my fault. I didn’t even touch him.”

Dan scoffed. “I know what you get up to in Columbia, there’s no way that wasn’t your fault.” She stabbed a finger at Andrew and said, "He is not going out with you again. He'll probably wind up dead this time."

"Jesus, Dan," Nicky said. "When you say things like that it makes me think you don't trust us." 

"No one trusts you," Matt said. 

"What are you playing at?"

"It's not really any of your business, Wilds," Aaron said.

"I said he's not going," Dan said. "Neil, don't let him push you around."

“Dan,” Neil started sharply. Everyone in the hall, even Seth and Allison’s friends, turned to stare at him. “No offense, you may be my captain but you’re not my mother. You can’t order me around off the court, and I would appreciate it very much if you stopped acting like I can’t make my own decisions.”

“You don’t know what they’re capable of,” she tried again.

‘You don’t know what I’m capable of,’ Neil didn’t say, though by the way he raised an eyebrow Andrew could tell that’s what he was thinking.

Andrew nudged Neil with his elbow and said in German, _ "Hey, Neil. Isn't that amazing? Isn't that touching? Look how they weep over you. Ah, such misplaced concern. Tell them you can take care of yourself." _

_"They're not stupid enough to think it's only a drink,” _Neil responded in the same language, rolling his eyes. He didn’t comment on the fact that Andrew now knew he spoke German, but Nicky did.

_ "Oh shit," _ Nicky said, switching languages as well. _ "Since when do you speak German? Andrew, you knew about this? Why didn't you tell us?" _

_ "Boring," _ Andrew said, not mentioning that he’s only known himself for a few hours. _ "Figure things out for yourself once in a while." _

Nicky gestured to Aaron wildly. _ "Quick. Have we said anything totally incriminating these past few months?" _

_ "Aside from your endless inappropriate comments about what you'd like to do to him, I don't think so. Looks like you've managed to completely embarrass yourself in both languages." _ Aaron looked at Neil. _ "When were you going to tell us?" _

_ "I wasn't," _ Neil said. _ "There’s plenty you haven’t told me about yourselves, why should I offer myself up?" _

Aaron just shrugged but Nicky still looked freaked.

“Hey now, I’m a veritable open book,” Andrew said in English, grin wide. 

“Of course. Easy reader Andrew Minyard,” Neil said sarcastically. 

“It’s not my fault your reading comprehension is poor.” The upperclassmen were gawking at them now, and Andrew turned a grin on them. “Problem?”

Neil turned back to Dan. “I’m not scared of them, Dan.”

“Neil, you don’t have to -” Matt started.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he interrupted. 

"We're going," Andrew said, and went down the hall with Kevin on his heels.

"Neil, this isn't a good idea," Dan said, trying a final time.

"Maybe not," Neil said with a shrug. “I’m full of bad ideas.”

The drive to Columbia was different than the last; Andrew had taken his meds later than he had last time, so instead of sleep he found himself arguing with Nicky for the majority of the trip. The closer they got, though, he was starting to slow down, eventually stopping all together. The last twenty minutes was silent. 

They pulled up outside Sweetie’s, but before they got out of the car, Andrew looked at Neil. "We need a number for crackers. Are you in or out?" 

“You know the answer to that.”

“Wouldn’t want you to think I was rude, not offering.”

“Oh, God forbid anyone thinks you’re rude.”

Andrew didn’t respond, but gestured for Kevin to hand him the bag of clothes he’d purchased for Neil.

-

Neil didn’t even attempt to argue when the bag was dropped in his lap. It was clothes, of course it was clothes, but he just sighed and followed Nicky and Aaron into Sweetie’s. Before he could ask, Nicky gestured for Neil to follow him and headed for the bathroom. Andrew sent them a cold look but was distracted by the hostess before he could make a comment.

Neil followed him into the bathroom and dumped the bag out on the counter. It was a different outfit than last time.

“Can you tell Andrew to stop buying me clothes?” Neil sighed.

"Now that you're ours, we've got to take care of you. First order of business is fixing your miserable wardrobe." Neil remembered at the last moment to look shocked when Nicky said Neil was theirs. He didn’t think Andrew would have mentioned their conversation earlier, and his suspicions were proved correct when Nicky's grin faded a bit at the look on Neil's face. 

"Okay, no. What's with the blank stare? You do know what you're doing out with us tonight, right? Andrew squeezed some sort of explanation into his usual crazy nonsense?"

"Sort of," Neil said carefully. "He said he'd have answers for me later." It wasn’t a lie; Nicky didn’t have to know he’d already gotten the answers he needed.

"You've got to be kidding me." Nicky looked pained. "This means Andrew is keeping you, same as he kept Kevin. It means you're part of the family now."

"I don't believe in family." Half truth.

"Who does these days?" Neil furrowed his brows at that, but didn’t bother asking Nicky to clarify. He might have had cousins mere feet away, but Neil knew that blood wasn’t everything. Nicky made air quotes with his fingers, elaborating even though Neil hadn’t asked. He sounded tired, but it was obvious he was repeating someone: "Being related doesn't make us family." 

Nicky shrugged like it didn’t bother him. "I know why Andrew feels that way, and I understand why he and Aaron can't stand each other, but I'm not willing to give up on them yet. I want to fix this and show them they're wrong." 

"Do they hate each other?" Neil asked, curious. It was obvious they weren’t close, but they’ve only known they were brothers for a handful of years. Distance between two twins separated at birth was to be expected.

"I wouldn't say they hate each other, but they've got some pretty serious issues. Wouldn't you if you were them?" Nicky asked. "Family means something different with us because it has to. It's not about blood. It's not even about who we like. It's about who Andrew's willing to protect." 

"And he's including me because of this morning?" Neil knew why, knew when; Nicky didn’t need to know that.

"Partly," Nicky said. "But partly because you're the reason Kevin's going to stay with our team. Andrew's always had Kevin’s back, but now you’re here and you want to protect Kevin just as much as he does. That makes you invaluable to Andrew." 

Neil gathered the clothes and turned to change in a stall. It was something similar to the last outfit, but the shirt was a light grey. It was nice not wearing black. 

Nicky coughed slightly when Neil had finished and was turning to go. "Look, I know we screwed up last time. Please believe me when I say Andrew was just looking out for the rest of us. He didn't want to take any chances. But things are different now. You're one of us, which means we'll never push you further than you're willing to go. Okay?" 

“I’m not upset at Andrew. I get why he did what he did.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Nicky said quickly. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. It wasn’t cool of me at all.”

Neil looked at Nicky, looked at the man who left the love of his life in Germany to become the guardian of his cousins, and felt a last bit of anger fall away.

“I’m not going to lie and say it was okay, but I know it won’t happen again. Apology accepted.”

Nicky’s smile was wide and he touched Neil’s shoulder lightly. “Thanks, Neil.”

They’d been in the bathroom longer than it took to change, and the waitress was leaving with their order by the time they sat down. Aaron arched an eyebrow at Nicky.

"Drown in the toilet?" 

"Unfortunately not,” Neil responded, taking his seat.

They ate silently, and eventually made their way to Eden’s Twilight. The line outside was notably shorter than the last time they came, but Nicky blamed it on the fact that in South Carolina alcohol sales were prohibited on Sunday, which meant the bars had to stop serving it at midnight Saturday. They had less than two hours two drink, but Nicky promised they had more at "the house". 

"But whose house is it?" Neil asked. He didn’t have a memory of coming to the house last time, and wasn’t sure if he had asked before.

"Technically it's mine, but I consider it ours." Nicky waved to include the entire group in that. "I left Germany so I could be Aaron and Andrew's guardian, did you know?” Neil nodded, not bothering to explain how he knew that. “It was me or my super religious parents, and I figured I had a better chance of surviving Andrew. I bought that house so we'd have a place to stay. Dad co-signed it, but Erik helped fund it. I use my monthly stipend to make payments on the mortgage."

"If you have a house, why did you stay with Abby this summer?" 

"Because Andrew didn't feel like driving Kevin back and forth to the upstate for practice every day," Nicky said. 

They’d managed to find a table and Andrew dragged Neil to the bar to get a round of drinks. It was the same bartender - Roland - that Neil remembered, and judging by the look on his face, he remembered Neil as well. It also seemed like he couldn't believe he'd returned.

"He said no," Andrew said. "Keep them clean."

Roland passed him an empty cup and a sealed can of soda. Neil checked the glass for residue as soon as Roland went to mix the others' drinks. 

"Paranoid," Andrew said, raising his eyebrows. He’d gone through the last of his withdrawal at Sweetie’s, which meant he’d vomited in the toilets and hadn’t finished his ice cream, but his eyes were clear.

"Careful,” Neil corrected, an echo of his first night here. “If you're such a control freak you shouldn't be drinking either."

"I know what my limits are," Andrew said, waving his hand "I'm not going to test them." 

"And dust?" 

"Too much crazy in this system for dust to make a difference, I guess. We got into dust for Aaron's sake. He needed something safe to get on when he was coming off everything his mother gave him." Andrew gestured between their faces. "Do you remember this game? We're doing the honesty thing again, at least until I grow bored of it. In a moment you're going to be perfectly honest with me and tell me what I have to do to keep you here." 

"Here's some honesty," Neil said. "I don't like you, but against my better judgement, I’m deciding to trust you." 

“I never asked for your trust.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I don’t trust you.”

Neil shrugged, watching Roland set the last drink on the tray. “I’m not asking you to trust me. I’m asking you to believe my promise.”

“Why should I, when half of what comes out of your mouth is a lie?”

“Because we share the same goals.”

Andrew didn’t answer, grabbing the now full tray and leading the way to the table. It was busy tonight, people rushing to get wasted before last orders, so it wasn’t a surprise when someone bumped into Neil, pushing him into Andrew. He cursed himself for his unsteady feet but had to appreciate the way Andrew didn’t even stumble under his weight, not spilling a drop of alcohol. It was obvious in that moment why Andrew was goalie, was the last line of defense. He was solid under Neil’s chest, and it somehow served as a reminder that this was a man who could keep Neil safe, who could hold him up without a struggle. 

It was amazing how quickly college kids could drink when put on a time limit. Neil took a sip of his soda. He was almost impressed. They downed drink after drink without so much as a flinch, cracker dust making an appearance before Nicky and Aaron left for the dancefloor. Andrew collected empty cups and took the tray back to the bar. 

When Andrew had left, he stared at Kevin across the table, taking in his glassy eyes and flushed cheeks.

“Having fun?”

Kevin glared at him as best he could while five sheets to the wind. 

“Tomorrow? After you’re sober and not hungover. We need to talk.” Neil reached across the table, hesitating before resting his hand on Kevin’s cheek. Kevin turned his head and pressed a wet and uncoordinated kiss to his palm.

“Tomorrow,” he confirmed, slurring his words slightly.

It wasn’t long before Andrew was back and deeming it time to go home. It was an interesting experience, watching him struggle to get a very intoxicated Kevin out of the chair and into the car. Again Neil was struck by his strength.

They made it the seven minutes to the house without incident, but when Andrew was pulling into the driveway Aaron's phone rang. Aaron drunkenly struggled to find it in his pockets, wincing when he saw who was calling.

"Coach," he said, and answered. "Do you know what time it is? What? Wait, what? You're lying. I don't believe you!" Aaron jerked the phone away from his ear and shoved it at Andrew. 

Andrew took time to light a cigarette before taking it. He cradled the phone between his ear and shoulder as he put his pack of cigarettes away. 

"What do you want?" he asked, and listened as Wymack explained all over again. "Overdosed like how?" 

"Again?" Nicky said incredulously. "That stupid bastard." 

"Never again," Andrew said over his shoulder. "He's dead." 

There was a second of absolute silence before Nicky moved. He grabbed Andrew's shoulder and gave him a violent shake. 

"No. What?" Andrew shrugged him off and spoke into the phone. "No, not a good idea. I'll call you when we're back in town." 

Nicky slumped forward in his chair and groaned low in his throat. "Shit, shit. No way."

"Who overdosed?" Neil asked.

"Seth." Andrew hung up and sent a knowing look at Neil over his shoulder. It immediately clicked, and Neil closed his eyes for a moment. _ It’s begun. _ "Someone found him face-down in the bathroom at Bacchus where he drowned in his own puke. It's exactly how I warned him he was going to clock out, not that he ever listened to me." 

"Seth overdosed?"

"Keep up with the conversation," Andrew said.

”I thought he was on something, but I never saw him using," Neil said, feigning ignorance.

"He cleared most of it out of his system years ago," Andrew said. "Only thing he's on these days is antidepressants. Curious."

It was very curious. Curious that less than twenty four hours after Riko Moriyama had been humiliated on television, one of Neil’s teammates was dead.

"I might be sick," Nicky said miserably. Nicky and Aaron seemed to be taking this poorly, which was almost fascinating to Neil. They both hated Seth, why would they be upset by his death? Then again, not many people had seen enough death and destruction in their lives to not react at all. Maybe Neil was the outlier.

"Are we going back?" Neil asked.

"When they're all drunk and cracker high and I'm off my meds?” Andrew sent him another look, this one communicating just how stupid he thought Neil was. It was very effective, because he thought Neil was very stupid. “I'll be back in jail before you can say 'threat to society'. We'll wait until morning." Andrew got out of the car, but no one else moved.

"What about the line-up?" Kevin asked. Nicky winced. 

"Kevin, the man is dead. Like, permanently." 

"It's not a major loss," Kevin said. Neil tried not to agree too obviously, but when you’ve grown up around death like he and Kevin it loses its effect. 

Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin stumbled into the house after Andrew had unlocked it; instead of following them in, Andrew stood on the front porch for another moment. Waiting for Neil, it seemed. He was fiddling with his key chain but when Neil arrived he stopped, gesturing to Neil’s face with the hand holding his cigarette.

"That's interesting," he said. "That apathy doesn't bode well for your sanity."

“I never claimed to be sane.”

“Wouldn’t be much good to me if you were.”

“You know why this happened.” Neil stole the cigarette being waved in his face and took a deep drag. “You were expecting Riko to respond.”

“So you agree, that this was Riko.” Andrew stole his cigarette back and took a deep drag of his own. “They’ll try and call it suicide, but Seth only takes his pills when he and Allison are on the outs. When they're together she's enough to hold him up. She went with him tonight, so she would have made sure he left his pills at home. She knows he likes chasing them with drinks." 

Neil remembered watching her dig through Seth's pockets. "She checked him. I saw her. At least five people did." 

“You knew he would retaliate.”

“I did.”

"They were supposed to stay on campus tonight," Andrew said. "Renee stopped by after you left and asked how soon we could expect Riko to respond. Kevin said we would hear back tonight. Pity you didn't see the busybodies panic when they realized you weren't at the dorm anymore. I told them you'd be back at nine, so they built their plans around you." 

Neil remembered how relieved Matt looked to see him in the hallway; he also remembered Nicky's incredulity that Allison and Seth were leaving. He reacted because they were deviating from the plan.

"The Foxes are famous for having terrible seasons, but even bad luck only goes so far. One death is a believable tragedy. Two brings us below the bare minimum number of requisite players to compete. Coach Moriyama wants Kevin and Riko to face off on court, so Riko can't risk disqualifying us." 

“If we’re disqualified, there’s nothing stopping Riko from taking Kevin and I back,” Neil responded quietly, more vulnerable than he wanted to be in front of Andrew. He grabbed the cigarette once more, but didn’t take another drag.

“You made me a promise to not let that happen.”

Neil shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “Yeah, I know. It’s just - I dunno.”

“It won’t, and you know it.” He grabbed Neil’s chin and forced him to meet his eyes. “If you thought there was no chance, you wouldn’t have swallowed your pride and asked for my help. If the struggle was futile you wouldn’t even bother.”

Neil said nothing. Andrew removed his hand from Neil’s chin but instead of pulling back, hooked the same fingers in the collar of Neil's shirt and tugged just enough for Neil to feel it. "I know what I'm doing. I knew what I was agreeing to when I took Kevin's side. I knew what it could cost us and how far I'd have to go. Understand? You aren't going anywhere. You're staying here." 

Andrew didn't let go until Neil nodded, and then he reached for Neil's hand. He took his cigarette back, put it between his lips, and pressed a key into Neil's empty palm. Neil lifted his hand to look at it. It was a copy, that much was obvious, but for a moment Neil couldn’t figure out what it was for. It only took him another beat to realise this was the same key Andrew had just used to open the house behind them, still warm from his hands.

"Get some sleep," Andrew said. "We're going home tomorrow. We'll figure this out then." 

Neil looked down at the key in his hand. "Home," he whispered, needing to hear it aloud. He’d grown up in the house of one monster, and then was passed to another, neither place feeling like home. He hadn’t even had a key to his room at the Nest; that was Riko’s home, and Riko held the keys. But this - this unfamiliar feeling, this sense of home. It was dangerous and unsettling, but he’d drown in it if given the chance. "Welcome home, Neil."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Not a great deal happens in this chapter but it's important for character development purposes!
> 
> TW: talk of death and past character death; talk of knives and blood

They’d barely been back to the dorms for an hour when Neil heard a scuffle outside his room. Sighing heavily, he put down the sandwich he was trying to eat and walked into the hallway. It was Andrew, of course it was Andrew, and Matt seemed to have had enough. Of what, Neil wasn’t positive, though he had a few guesses.

Seth had been Andrew’s least favorite teammate, and a manic grin less than 24 hours after his death would upset any grieving person.

“Andrew,” Neil called before Matt could get another punch in. Nicky and Aaron were watching, Aaron with his usual mask of disinterest and Nicky with wide eyed concern.

“Neil!” Andrew grinned. “Have you come to join the party?”

_ “Stop,” _ Neil responded in German.  _ “This isn’t worth it.” _

_ “I assure you I didn’t start it,” _ Andrew said.

_ “I’m finishing it. I can’t do what I need to do if one of you gets injured or kicked off the team.” _

“Oh, he drives a hard bargain,” Andrew said in English. 

“Will you accept it?” 

“Fine,” Andrew sighed loudly, dodging one last punch before spinning on his heel and turning away without another word to Matt, who had turned to stare open mouthed at Neil.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Neil said, because that’s what people said, right? Matt just nodded.

“Are you coming, Wesninski?” Andrew was headed towards the roof and was apparently expecting Neil to follow.

The view they had of campus from the roof of the Tower was always a heady thing; it was the opposite of what he’d been used to at the Nest. Now it looked like it was decorated for Halloween. In honor of Seth’s death, black had replaced the white banners around campus until it was orange and black as far as the eye could see.

“He didn’t deserve to die.” It came out more vulnerable than Neil was expecting it to. He’d never been a fan of Seth. He’d been loud and mean and not good enough to warrant putting up with, but he didn’t deserve to die.

-

Andrew can admit that wasn’t what he was expecting Neil to say. He’d been apathetic about it last night, but looking across at the faux mourning happening on campus seemed to come with a hint of humanity.

“Feeling guilty?”

“Not - guilty.”

“Then what? You going to miss him?”

“He was an asshole, yeah, but so are you. So is Kevin.”

“You don’t think I deserve to die?” Andrew slanted him a look.

“I may not like you, but that doesn’t mean you deserve to die,” Neil said, stealing Andrew’s cigarette. Andrew let him, if only to see the way his lips curled around it when he took a drag.

“That was practically a declaration of love,” he grinned, bringing a dramatic hand to his chest. “I don’t know what kind of boy you take me for, but you haven’t even taken me out to dinner.”

Neil barked out a laugh, then looked surprised. Andrew wasn’t sure he’d ever heard him laugh outside of Kevin’s presence, and ignored the strange and unwelcome flash of something that felt vaguely like satisfaction. 

“He didn’t deserve to die just because he had -” Neil waved his hand absently. “- some kind of chip in his shoulder.”

Andrew snorted. “Everyone dies. It doesn’t matter who deserves it.”

“Did your mother deserve it?” It was asked so matter of fact that Andrew paused with his cigarette halfway to his lips. Neil tore his eyes away from the horizon to meet Andrew’s directly.

“Is that your next question?”

“One of them,” Neil shrugged. His eyes are bright in the mid afternoon light, dangerously all knowing as usual. “You owe me an extra one.”

Andrew clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “I’m sure you know all about Aaron’s mother, what with the collection of information you have on us.”

“I know she’s dead,” Neil admitted, not bothering to defend his knowledge. “And that she died in a car wreck. I know she gave you both up but changed her mind about Aaron and kept him. I can kind of guess she wasn’t a very good mother, knowing Aaron and the situation in general.”

“She wasn’t. She beat him and got him hooked on drugs.” He finished bringing the cigarette to his mouth and took a slow, deep drag. “I warned her not to touch him again.”

“So you killed her,” Neil stated.

Andrew pointed at Neil with the hand not holding a cigarette. “You just said it was a car accident that killed her.”

“I said car wreck. There’s a difference between that and a car accident.”

“Oh, I hate when he’s smart.” Blatant lie, but Neil could never know that,  _ would _ never know that. His intelligence made him dangerous, but that didn’t stop the chill that ran through Andrew.

“So you killed her,” Neil repeated.

“I did,” Andrew confirmed.

“Did she deserve it?” It wasn’t the usual question he got in regard to killing Tilda, but it was oh so very Neil.

“Yes.”

“Second question. Is that why you and Aaron don’t get along? Because he doesn’t see it the same way?”

“There are a myriad of reasons Aaron and I don't get alone. But yes. Aaron doesn’t believe that I killed her for him. He resents me because he still cares for her even though she was cruel to him.”

Neil hummed. “Your turn.”

“If I wanted to kill you now, what would be the best way to do it?”

Neil sent him a look. It wasn’t fear or surprise; it was almost amusement. “Why?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure your father killed for a living and if he was training you to replace him he taught you how to kill someone.”

“And you’d like to know the best way to kill me?”

“Yes.” 

Neil hummed again. “Depends on what weapons you have at hand. I’d say push me off the roof, but I’d just drag you with me.”

Andrew slipped a knife out of his armband and began to play with it. “A knife then.”

“Again, that’s still too broad. Do you want it bloodless? Immediate? Painful? How sharp is your knife?”

Andrew thought for a second. “Immediate. And sharp enough.”

“Hm. Based on how we’re sat and our similar height, probably through the eyeball. You’re strong, you could get to my brain easily enough. Of course, I’m not sure how sharp those knives are. Temple would work.”

“Straight to the brain. How boring.”

“You could sever my spinal cord but that’s difficult to do.”

“Have you ever done it?”

Neil’s face was a mask of indifference that answered the question better than any yes or no. “You’ve already asked your question.”

“To which you haven’t given me an answer to.”

“Armpit could work,” Neil continued, almost matter of factly. He spoke as if they were having a discussion about the weather, not about murder. “But we’re just sitting here so I wouldn’t give you the opportunity. Same with kidneys and liver, heart, lungs, et cetera. So...if you were to kill me, I'd go for the femoral artery or the neck.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You do that.” His smirk was irritating. Suddenly Andrew wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. 

Instead of responding or shoving him off the roof, Andrew tapped two fingers to his temple in a salute.

“I think I’ll save my next one,” Neil said, stubbing out his cigarette and standing up. “Thanks for not getting us disqualified by punching Matt or killing me. Tell Kevin I need to speak with him.”

He stayed on the roof after Neil had left, smoking through most of his pack. 

Protecting Neil for Kevin’s sake, that was something he could do. But slowly he was beginning to realize he wanted to protect Neil for the sake of Neil himself. God knew he needed all the help he could get. Andrew wasn’t used to wanting things; it left a taste in his mouth that wouldn’t be replaced with a drag from a cigarette. 

He tried to scratch away the grin that stretched across his face. 

-

“Neil wants to speak with you,” Andrew said, closing the door to the suite behind him. Kevin looked up from the textbook he was using to distract himself, glasses slipping down his nose.

“Oh? Did he say what for?” Kevin knew what for; they needed to have a conversation after all.

“I’m not your minder, I didn’t ask.”

Kevin sighed and pushed his glasses back up his nose. Andrew was blurry for a moment, before he walked close enough that Kevin could see him properly. His glasses were meant for things close up, and Andrew knew exactly how close he had to be for Kevin to see him clearly. It was things like this - stupid little things - that reminded Kevin that underneath his medication, underneath his knives, underneath his anger, there was someone that wasn’t completely heartless. It was things like this that made it hard to breathe sometimes.

“I should have known he’d go for Seth.”

“You did,” Andrew corrected.

Kevin sighed again. “Yeah. He was the only one vaguely expendable.”

“Neil said Seth didn’t deserve to die.”

“He didn’t,” Kevin agreed.

“You hated Seth.”

“I did. Still do.” He closed his textbook slowly. “Doesn’t mean I wanted him dead.”

Andrew fell quiet. “I’m assuming you didn’t learn your sympathy at the Nest. Even if it  _ is  _ a bit skewed.”

“I did, actually.”

“I didn’t think Riko would be too bothered with your emotional state,” Andrew pointed out, leaning a hip against Kevin’s desk.

“No, you’re right. But Neil and Jean…” Kevin felt the corners of his mouth twitch slightly. “They were.”

Andrew cocked his head to the side. “My, my, my. Three broken boys, coming together and creating a family. Sounds like good inspiration for a Lifetime movie.”

Kevin scoffed. “Are you describing Jean, Neil and I, or you, Aaron, and Nicky?”

“Oh, he jests!” Andrew clapped his hands together with a wild laugh before falling silent. “You know I don’t believe in family.”

“Just because family means something different to people like us doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”

“People like us? Oh, but we’re nothing alike.”

“Just because we deal with our shit in different ways doesn’t mean we’re nothing alike.”

Andrew hooked his fingers in the collar of Kevin’s shirt, shifting until he could lean forward. For a moment, he was close enough that Kevin had to close his eyes to avoid going cross eyed; he could still smell the smoke on his breath. After a beat, Andrew let go and moved away. He made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. “I hate you.”

“I know.” Kevin took off his glasses, cleaning the lenses before putting them back in the case. “Most people do.”

“It’s easy to see why.”

Kevin huffed a laugh that sounded self deprecating to his own ears. “I’m going to go talk to Neil, you’ll have to hate me by yourself for a little while. I’ll join you when I get back.”

-

The knock came just as Neil had closed his textbook. Matt opened it and Neil had a moment of deja vu.

“Sorry I interrupted you talking last time,” Matt said, grabbing the overnight bag he’d packed. The upperclassmen were staying at Abby’s for a few nights after the fight that had occurred this morning, while Andrew’s lot - which now included him, apparently - were to stay at the dorms; Neil agreed that it was best to separate them. “I’m headed to Abby’s now, so you’ll be okay.”

He nodded at Kevin as he left.

“Andrew said you needed to talk to me.” Kevin scratched nervously at his head. It was always strange to see Kevin nervous or hesitant, with how sure he always seemed.

“I do,” Neil nodded.

“I’m sober.”

“You are.”

“And it’s later.”

“It is.”

“I think we should have that chat now.”

Neil drew his knees to his chest and gestured for Kevin to take a seat on the couch next to him.

“Do you -” Kevin coughed, sitting down. He was stiff, hands folded in his lap. “Want to be with me? Like we were?”

Neil took a moment to think, fiddling with his pajama pants. There was a hole by his ankle; Jean had liked to put his finger through it whenever he could reach, and it had stretched to about the size of an Exy ball. “No.”

“Oh.” He looked up sharply and could see the moment Kevin’s eyes shuttered. “Thank you for clearing that up.”

“No,” Neil pressed, stumbling to explain himself. “That’s not - not like we were.”

Kevin moved to get up. “I should go.”

“We’re not the same people we used to be. I don’t want this to be like that.”

Kevin froze. “But you want a this.”

“I want this to be new. To be ours. Not something anyone can touch.”

“You told Nicky you don’t swing when he asked.”

“I don’t. It’s only ever been you.”

Something that was just theirs. Kevin pressed his thumb against the three on Neil’s face, most likely covering it. Neil did the same to Kevin; their pasts didn’t matter here.

Kevin smiled then, and Neil didn’t bother stopping himself from moving closer, wrapping his arms around Kevin’s shoulders. It was an awkward angle and after a moment Kevin huffed and adjusted them until Neil was sat sideways on his lap.

Neil wasn’t one for contentedness, had never truly  _ known  _ contentedness, but his sigh when he relaxed against Kevin was dangerously close. Neil could hear Kevin’s heartbeat, pressed against his chest like this, steady and grounding. Proof that he was here, that they were both here. 

“I thought I’d lost you when I left,” Kevin admitted. He wrapped both arms around Neil’s waist and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

Neil gripped Kevin’s shirt with one hand. “You didn’t. You haven’t. You  _ won’t.” _

They sat together without talking for what felt like years until Kevin broke the silence with a slight cough.

“Did you want to - I don’t know. Tell people?”

Neil pulled back so he could see Kevin’s face. “Tell people.”

“That we’re, you know -” Kevin waved a hand. “Boyfriends.”

“Boyfriends are we?” Neil smirked at how obviously flustered Kevin was.

“I mean - I assumed -” 

Neil was struck by the knowledge that they were just young college kids, having an awkward conversation about labels and relationships. Boyfriends sounded like such a juvenile way to describe what they were; a label Kevin had always been scared of and Neil never thought he’d want. 

“You know what they say about assumptions, Day.”

“I’m sorry, I should have asked.”

Neil moved until he was straddling Kevin and leaned in to kiss him. Neil was taller than him at this angle and had plenty of ideas of how to make the most of it. “Boyfriends is okay.”

“Okay.” His relief was obvious.

“What did you want to do about telling people?”

Kevin grips him by the hips, hands hot through the thin fabric of Neil’s pajama bottoms. “Could we - you know it would be easier if it wasn’t common knowledge.”

Neil nodded. For the amount of grief people gave Kevin for being one track minded, it  _ was  _ better for their careers to be heterosexual. The better their careers, the more likely they’d stay alive. “The Foxes will be safe to tell, though.”

Kevin smiled slightly. “You trust them now?”

“I think I do, yeah.” It felt half like admitting a weakness and half like an accomplishment.

“I know they wouldn’t say anything.”

“But you don’t want to tell them yet,” Neil deduced.

“I don’t know how to do this.”

“Come out?”

Kevin nodded. “You and Jean are the only people to ever know.”

Neil leered at Kevin. “And we knew rather intimately.”

“Stop,” Kevin whined, hands tightening on Neil’s hips. Neil laughed and began to press kisses across Kevin’s face.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.”

“Thank you.” He tilted his head back so Neil had access to his neck, hissing quietly when teeth grazed his Adam’s apple.

“So you’d like to keep it from them?” Neil pulled back to meet his eyes. “Even Andrew?”

“Even Andrew,” Kevin confirmed. “Though when he finds out there will be hell to pay for keeping it from him.”

Neil cocked his head to the side. “When he founds out?”

“I mean -” Kevin pressed a kiss to Neil’s chin and another to his mouth. “I’m not saying I want to keep it a secret forever.”

“You talking of forever now, Kev?” Neil tried for teasing but there was a rawness in his voice that Kevin couldn’t miss. 

“I can’t imagine it being less than that.” There was a similar rawness to Kevin’s voice that stole any breath Neil had left from his lungs.

Neil groaned. “You always talk such bullshit but sometimes you come out with things like this.”

“Hey, I don’t always talk such bullshit!” 

“You really do, Kevin,” Neil laughed.

“It’s not bullshit if it’s correct!” He sounded so affronted that all Neil could do was kiss him. Historically, that was always the easiest way to shut him up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry! It's been like, a month since I've updated and then it's less than 2k of useless fille rjdfhgfjdg next chapter will be longer.

_ Use protection, mon chou. _

Neil blushed, safe in the knowledge that Jean couldn’t see him. He tried to think of a response that was more than just _‘Shut up’_ when there was a knock on the door. It came at its usual time; Matt was still at Abby’s with the upperclassmen, so Neil was alone in the dorm, dressed to go. He opened the door, reaching for his bag before he even looked at Kevin.

“Ready,” Neil said, straightening to face him.

“Not tonight.” It was a surprise; they’d rarely missed night practice, and it’d already been a few days since Seth’s death. Kevin was in his pajamas, though, and obviously wasn’t planning on leaving the dorm.

“Social visit, then?” Neil asked with a small wink. Kevin tilted his head.

“You’re particularly cheeky tonight. What’s gotten you in such a good mood?”

“Am I not allowed to feel good?”

“You should always feel good,” Kevin said with a tilt to his mouth.

Neil groaned. “There you are again, saying shit like that.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Okay, Neil.”

“I  _ am  _ in a good mood, actually.”

“Oh?”

“I got a text off Jean,” Neil admitted.

“You get many texts off Jean,” Kevin pointed out. “Was there a reason it made you happy?”

“Riko didn’t punish him for what I said. I think he was scared that he was being too obvious.”

Kevin smiled his Jean smile; lopsided and a bit shy, but no less happy. Once Neil had asked why he had a smile just for Jean; Kevin had been confused, until Neil had explained. He’d simply shrugged and said that it fit their friendship. Jean was reserved and quiet - Kevin’s Jean smile being soft made sense. “I’m glad.”

“You should message him.”

Kevin looked down then away. “I don’t have his number anymore.”

“Luckily, I do.”

“I want to - I do! I really do.” Kevin sighed. “I just don’t think he wants to hear from me.”

“You’ll never know until you try.”

Kevin just nodded, before asking Neil again why he was in such a good mood.

“I think it just hit me? That I’m here. And that we’re together. For now we’re both alive and we can play and we’re allowed to be together.” Neil flushed slightly. “Jean told me to use protection.”

Kevin flushed slightly as well. “Well.”

Neil snickered quietly. 

“So you’re happy because you’re with me?”

Neil nodded but drew his eyebrows together when Kevin just looked confused. “Does that - surprise you?”

“I’m not used to - I haven’t made someone happy in a long, long time.”

Neil stood up and walked towards him, reaching to wrap his arms around Kevin’s neck. He let out a shuddering breath and wrapped his arms around Neil’s waist, squeezing tightly. They stood like this for a moment until Kevin pulled back, not breaking the embrace but making it easier for them to speak.

“I was actually going to ask if I could crash on your sofa because I couldn’t spend another night in my room. Andrew thinks I’m being ridiculous, and Nicky and Aaron are kind of...I don’t know. You understand why I’m like this; they don’t.”

“I do,” Neil nodded. He grinned. “Though you can always crash in my bed, you don’t need to take the couch. I’m small, we’ll both fit.”

Kevin raised a brow. “The crick I get in my neck every time I kiss you reminds me of that all the time.”

“Now who’s being cheeky?” Neil smirked, pulling on his ear.

“You said something about a social visit.”

“Do I get a kiss, then?” He pursed his lips ridiculously.

Kevin looked thoughtful. “Have you earned one?”

“Absolutely,” Neil nodded.

“Any particular reason?”

“Is ‘I’m your boyfriend and you love me’ not a good enough reason?”

Kevin froze. Neil rushed to apologise but was cut off with a finger on his lips. Kevin looked down at him, almost amazed, before kissing him softly.

“Yeah,” he said when he pulled back. “That’s a good enough reason.”

“You love me?”

“As much as I’m capable.”

“You’re plenty capable of love,” Neil said.

Kevin sighed. “I can count the number of people I’ve ever loved on one hand.”

“When you’ve seen the kinda shit we have,” Neil responded softly. “It takes a great deal of strength to love even one person.”

“You’re plenty capable of love, too.” Kevin rubbed a thumb down Neil’s cheek.

“As one of the two people I love, you have to say that.”

Kevin smiled.

“Who are the other four people you’ve loved, then?”

“Jean,” he started. “My mother.” 

“Riko,” Neil filled in after he paused for a beat too long; it wasn’t a guess or a question.

Kevin nodded.

Neil tilted his head. “Do you still love him?”

“No - I mean. I don’t think so?” Kevin shook his head. “No, definitely not.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you still loved him.” Neil couldn’t say he understood how anyone could feel a positive emotion for Riko, but he didn’t have the same history with him that Kevin did. He could see why Kevin would love him; Neil pressed a gentle kiss to his chin. “He was your brother.”

“He wasn’t.  _ Jean  _ was my brother.” He took a deep breath. “Riko was my jailer.”

There was another pause, filled by Neil kissing what parts of Kevin’s face he could reach. It wasn’t nearly as much as he’d like, but that’s what he got for being with someone a foot taller than him.  _ I should have dated Aaron. Maybe then I could reach my stupid boyfriend’s face without going on my tip toes. _

Neil pulled back as the pause stretched longer than the previous one. Kevin was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes darting around the room as if he was nervous. Neil knew the last name. “Andrew.”

“Andrew? What about him?” Neil rolled his eyes at the transparency.

“He’s the fourth.”

Kevin nodded reluctantly, eyes landing on Neil’s face. “I don’t love him, I don’t think.”

“Not yet.”

“Not yet,” Kevin sighed. “Do you think that’s stupid?”

“What, that Andrew has replaced Riko in your life?”

Kevin shrugged. “Yeah. But also just, caring for someone that can’t and won’t care for me.”

“Give yourself more credit than that. Give  _ Andrew  _ more credit than that.”

“Don’t try and paint Andrew as something he isn’t,” Kevin said sharply. His shoulders were tense, like he was preparing for a fight. “He thinks I’m useless and weak and a coward, just like Riko did. I just went from one jailer to another.”

“You know that’s not true.” 

All the fight seemed to leave him. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not the same.”

“Andrew would kill to keep you safe. He’d do anything for you.”

Kevin laughed, but there was little humour in it. “God knows why.”

Neil smirked. “You  _ do  _ have a nice ass.”

Kevin rolled his eyes at Neil’s obvious change of tone but dragged him back in with a hand on each hip. “I’m positive that’s not why.”

“How do the magazines describe you?” Neil tapped his chin as if in thought then ran his hands up and down Kevin’s arms. “Andrew was helpless when faced with those dreamy green eyes and that dazzling smile.”

“Stop, oh my God,” Kevin grumbled, burying his head in Neil’s neck.

“I mean…” Neil wiggled his eyebrows and reached under his shirt to rub at his abs. “These abs...these pecs...” He pinched a nipple, relishing in Kevin’s gasp, breath hot against Neil’s skin.

“Oh my  _ God,  _ Andrew doesn’t - God,” Kevin whined, his words muffled. He was slightly breathless; Neil had forgotten how sensitive Kevin’s nipples were and removed his hands from under Kevin’s shirt to lock them around his neck. He wasn’t cruel, afterall. 

“I don’t mean to objectify you,” Neil snickered, “But your ass is definitely the eighth wonder of the world.”

Instead of responding, Kevin grabbed Neil around the waist and tossed him over his shoulder in a fireman carry, carrying him towards the bedroom. Neil giggled like a schoolchild, surprising himself. He wasn't sure he'd ever giggled in his life, and he could barely recognize the tightness in his chest as  _ giddiness. _ He - liked it. To a dangerous extent. He was almost wistful, knowing it wasn't a feeling he should get used to.

“Those shoulders, those arms, that  _ ass,"  _ he continued, ignoring his thoughts. He used his new vantage point to grab a handful of the eighth wonder of the world.

“Wesninski, if you don’t shut up you’re never touching that ass again.”

“I’m touching it right now though. Positively scrumptious.”

“Did you just say my ass was  _ scrumptious?”  _

“What! It is!”

“Who the fuck are you and what have you done with my striker?”

Neil just snickered as Kevin nudged the bedroom door closed and tossed Neil onto his bed.

“Joke’s on you,” Neil continued, dragging Kevin on top of him. “I’m exactly where I want to be.”  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I know it's been years and this is only 600 words of fluffy filler, but I updated and therefore can be happy with that!

_ ‘Sunlight suits him,’  _ Kevin couldn’t help but think, watching Neil rouse slowly from sleep. He only just noticed that Neil must have taken Seth’s bed, or at least adjusted his bed around, because he was almost certain Neil had been on the top bunk, and now he wasn’t. He’d been a little preoccupied at the time, what with Neil sucking his life out through his dick.

“Time s’it?” Neil said, rubbing his eyes. He sat up, hair in disarray. Kevin found very few things endearing, but the way Neil’s hair stuck up in every direction was apparently one of those things. He could count on one hand the amount of times he’d woken up with Neil at all, let alone like this. In the Nest, the darkness meant Kevin rarely got to appreciate the way Neil’s eyes reflected early morning sunlight. The bright blue, hazy from sleep, should only be seen like this.

Kevin cleared his throat. “Just after seven.”

Neil stretched. “Kevin Day, awake before his alarm. Call the presses!”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

“You love me,” Neil yawned, shoving at Kevin’s shoulder. He knew this was his cue to shove him back but he felt something in his chest clench.

“Somehow.” Kevin brushed a piece of Neil’s hair back. “I don’t - I don’t know how often I’ll ever be able to say it. But don’t doubt I do.” His voice had turned earnest without his permission.

“I understand,” Neil said softly. “I think the only reason I was so - I don’t know, open about it was because I’ve barely slept since Matt left.”

Kevin nodded. He’d expected as much. “Hard to sleep alone?”

Neil returned his nod. “Just not used to it.”

“Do you want me to stay until Matt gets back?” Kevin asked.

“Is this your way of asking if you can stay until Matt gets back?” Neil said cheekily with another shove at Kevin’s shoulder.

Kevin shoved him back, and the ensuing wrestle match found Kevin pressing Neil against the thin mattress of his too small bed. Neil shifted until he could comfortably wrap himself around Kevin, arms around his shoulders and ankles crossed loosely against the top of his thighs.

It wasn’t anything Kevin had never seen before, Neil spread out underneath him, but suddenly he was breathless; he felt as though he’d been running for miles, even though he’d only been half heartedly play fighting with Neil. Want, need, anticipation - he was dizzy with it.

“Jeez, Kev,” Neil smirked, grinding up against him. “A little play fighting and you’re hard?”

Kevin just rolled his eyes, because Neil was in the same state, and leant down to kiss him.

The kiss was bitter with morning, but that didn’t matter. After a minute, the only thing Kevin could taste was Neil. He pulled back, and spent a moment just staring. Neil was flushed already, blush spreading down his bare chest, and he shivered as Kevin leaned back in to trail kisses along his jaw.

“God...look at you,” Kevin breathed, pulling back again. “I’ve barely even kissed you.”

“Off,” Neil whined, plucking uselessly at the waistband of Kevin’s joggers. “Why did you even put your clothes back on?”

With a huff of a laugh Kevin stood, efficiently taking his sweats off. Luckily, Neil didn’t seem to expect a show, reaching for him before he’d even finished getting undressed.

He could have this, maybe. He was still trying to convince himself he deserved good things without the pain that would follow. That he deserved to joke with Neil and not have to look over his shoulder to see Riko's fist for daring to find happiness in someone else.

He deserved to have everything. Maybe one day he'd believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated!


End file.
